10 things blog...a tag

I was tagged my the lovely Lisa. I believe I've done this one before, so if you've read any of these before bear with me. I do, however, have enough idiosyncrasies to fill a few of these things.

1. I have really weird sleeping habits. I have to have the bottom of my sheet tucked in (hotel/military style), the sheet must be tucked over the top of the comforter, and I like for my feet to touch the end of the mattress so I scoot way away from the headboard.

2. I'm a people collector. I love knowing people. If I don't know you well, chances are I'd like to.

3. I don't always give people a fair chance. I hate that about me, but there you go.

4. I can and will talk about anything with anybody. Anything. Anybody.

5. I have been married twice, first at the age of 19.

6. I don't think adults are actually grown-ups until somewhere around the age of 40. And sadly sometimes not even then.

7. I honestly and wholeheartedly believe gentle birth would solve most of the world's problems.

8. I am much more of a rebel now then I was in my rebellious years. (I promise anyone who knew me then and just read that, shuddered.)

9. I am a word whore. If you are one too, you just read that and smiled.

10. I like me, in a completely unconceited way. A lot. And finally.

So the rules of the tag are that I write my ten things and then tag ten people to write ten more things. Either this is too many tens for me, or I don't like to play by the rules. You figure it out! ;)

Have a loverly weekend all!!

Apparently I have ADD

Not to mention tourettes. ;) Janet is the only one of my lovelies who will understand that. But that's ok.

So I realized that the last blog I'd written, other than my bitch fest yesterday, was a few weeks back. I figured I'd take the time to give a few random updates.

My house actually did get finished. Thanksgiving was a lovely holiday, as it always is. Only this time EVERYTHING was cleaned out and organized exactly as I want it! Three years we've lived here and this is the first time I'm completely happy with my house. Well, honestly there's painting that needs to be done, and laundry that isn't done, and the laundry room is the only room we didn't get to so it's messy. But you know there's always going to be something. So, I'm still completely happy.

My December birth baby made his appearance early, so I'm done with births for the year unless I have a January mom who decides to get ahead of the game. This has been a BUSY year birthwise, and the way it wrapped was kick-ass as ever! GO JANET for a strong, beautiful birth!!!

I've been watching Dirty Dancing obsessively lately, as it is my all-time favorite movie. I think I could quote the whole thing by now! As for other movies I've seen as of late, here are a few I highly recommend!

Hairspray - the new one...see this movie!! It is really cute and kept me laughing. Plus Ricki has a cameo. And there is nothing funnier than John Travolta in this movie!!!

Dirty Love - Jenni McCarthy is a complete spaz and this movie is quite funny. Touch my BAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Tara Road - this movie is a grown up version of The Holiday. I'll say it does move a little slower, but in the end is really good.

I've seen so many movies lately they all kind of run together. But these are the top ones. And of course, I'll add yet another plug for Chuck & Larry. I loved that freaking movie!

Alright friends, that's about it for me. I will be doing a blog on prenatal nutrition in the near future as I have many pregnant ladies on my list and this is the most important part of what I do. I'll also be doing the Engrish blog very soon!

Let's make happy nice...it's bread!!

Homos...One - Crazy People...Zero!!!

If you have not seen I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, I'm begging you to rent, buy, or steal this movie immediately.

Having just seen this movie last night, I simply cannot tell you how impressed I was with this movie. In traditional Adam Sandler style, all the usual characters are present. However, veering off from traditional Adam Sandler style, this movie is full of depth and inspiration. Which I wasn't exactly expecting when we popped it in. Also, of course, there is comedy all over the place.

Let me mention as well, although I am not usually a huge Jessica Biel fan, the goodness she brings to this movie kinda makes you want to drool. I'm just saying.

Alright, so that's my movie review for the day. I loved loved loved this movie and I'm really glad it's ours to keep. And for the record, it was bought - not stolen.

Going in straight...coming out gay.

Wisdom for the day

Every once in a while moments of sheer wisdom hit me. I am grateful for them. And today, I'd like to share. As I said earlier in my status update, sometimes it is better to be a part of someone's past than their present. Let me share the thought locomotive that brought me to this place.

I was, as I often do, enjoying the kick ass playlist I put on my profile. One of my favorite songs on this list is a song by The Fray. I identify with it in so many ways. Anyway, one of the lines says "Suddenly I become part of your past, I'm becoming the part that don't last." Anyone who knows me knows that I am not always a live in the now person. I try to be, but I'm not always successful. Another thing about me is that when I love you, no matter your role in my life, I love you with everything I've got. And once you're a part of my past or vice versa, I don't always let go so easy. I don't really let go of anything easily, and never actually completely. I am nostalgic by nature. I need to revisit, relive, and relish. It is beautiful to me on many levels to recall times or people in my life that at one time made me happy.

Today, as I heard that line I was reminded of a few people who are a part of my past, and I a part of theirs. I realized that everyone who is a part of my past is there for a reason. And I am part of theirs for a reason. We share a past much better than a present. And I am thankful for that. I've learned over my life that everyone who comes into your life isn't meant to stay there forever, actually most aren't meant to.

But, like everyone, I will sometimes find myself wishing these ghosts from my past were a part of my now. Today though, I realized that it simply isn't smart to wish that. People evolve, we change. The changes I have gone through in years past make me almost unrecognizable to people who knew me a decade ago. And I personally am proud of each and every change. Because they have made me wiser, stronger, and a better person. But not every change in a person is for the better. A number of my ghosts of Candi's past have changed for the not so better. And those people, I'm thankful to be a part of their past. Because their presents aren't necessarily something I'm interested in existing in.

Also, because I have many, many people on my list who have known me for years and years...which therefore links all of our pasts in some way...I'd like for you to know something. If we share a link, I'm thankful for it no matter what it may be. You've made a mark on my life at some point and hopefully I've made a mark on yours. If you have to wonder whether or not your changes have been for the better, then well I guess you should examine things for yourself.

So I suppose this is about letting go and being thankful for having been let go of. What a strange feeling of relief that brings.

Why I love birth...

Birth has taught me some of my greatest lessons in life. My others, not surprisingly, have been learned through love and parenting. But today, today I want to talk about birth. And you can expect some brutal honesty. Just know I love you. :)

Since I started birth work in 2002, I have come to view all naturally occuring things in the world through the eyes of birth. I look at butterflies and think of birth, I look at trees and think of birth. Everything has a beginning, and all beginnings are a birth. Something I figured out almost instantly doing birth work is that we live the way we are born. And why wouldn't we? Our entrance into this world is the first imprint on our consciousness. As hokey as it may sound, we spend the entire rest of our lives trying to recreate this first imprint in some way or another.

Because I am adopted, I didn't know anything about my own birth until a little over 5 years ago. Then I found out that my biological mother had to push a long time with me and I just wouldn't be born. Then I decided to come and came all in one fell swoop, so quickly that the doctor almost didn't catch me. Now, ask anyone who knows me well and you'll find out I'm eternally late, and I am incapable of making a quiet entrance. I always arrive with a gust of energy surrounding me. Likewise, I go through life in much the same way. I procrastinate to the point of it being scary, then at the last minute, I frenzy it done.

Some things about birth simply cannot be changed. Some babies will make whatever entrance they are going to make, we cannot control that in any way (nor should we want to). But why on earth do we feel the need to control so much about welcoming a tiny soul into our lives? When did birth become so unnatural that we feel the need to rush into the gloved hands of the doctor and the monotonous sound of the machines that go beep at the first sign of a contraction? (For my earthy birthy women, that's rhetorical...I know the answer.)

Here are some things I wish EVERY woman knew about birth. Whether she's having a baby or will never have a baby. Birth comes with the innate quality of the feminine, and I am of the belief that anyone who possess the feminine should take a responsibility for birth.

1. Almost EVERY woman is capable of having their baby 100% without intervention. Now I don't mean 3 our of every 4 women here, I'm talking about more than 9 out of every 10. More than 90 - 95% of women, if left alone in labor, require absolutely no outside intervention.

2. Most of the time when you hear (or say as the case may be), "Well if i hadn't been at the hospital, me or my baby would have died" it isn't true. More often than not, when an intervention is required in a birth, it is in response to another intervention that has been used. For example, a baby's heart rate plummets and fails to recover during a contraction and mom is rushed in for an "emergency" cesarean. Good thing the good ole' doctor was there...right? We won't mention that the mother had been given pitocin, had her water broken, and was confined to bed for nine hours before this happened. Oh, and she had an epidural.

3. Having a natural birth has absolutely nothing in the world to do with your ability or inability to tolerate pain. Birth is a different kind of "pain". It has a distinct purpose and is not constant. The powers that be were smart enough to design it that way because the dura mater of the spinal cord wasn't created as a pin cushion.

4. If you have been so unlucky to have experienced a birth in which your epidural did not take or didn't work completely, let me first say I am so very sorry for you. That is not intended with any hint of sarcasm either. But please, please do not think what you experienced is anything comparable to a birth where no medications have been used. You have experienced far worse. Let me explain why. In a natural labor your body creates endorphines which act as natural pain relievers. These wonderful little substances increase in production with each rise in the intensity of labor. The harder and faster the contractions, the more endorphines you get. But the minute outside pain relievers of any kind enter your body, endorphine production halts. So any pain your feel from that point on is magnified. Again, I'm so very sorry for you.

5. In a natural birth everything works perfectly. It takes a very important and very delicate coctail of hormones for birth and bonding to happen exactly as it was designed. Here's my favorite instance of that: immediately following birth mom's body releases HUGE amounts of oxytocin (the love hormone) and even greater amounts once she begins breastfeeding. This hormone induces a state of euphoria. I promise no drug in the world feels better than this hormone. At the exact same time, baby's body releases catecholomines (stress hormones). The end effect of this hormone coctail is a baby who needs and wants its mother desperately and a mother who is completely in love with her infant and has eyes for no other human being on Earth. How amazingly simple and yet beautiful at the same time.

6. Here's a few things that make contractions tolerable: moving around in labor, education in pregnancy, relaxation and calm in labor, knowing and remembering that you have HIRED your birth attendants (doctor, nurse, midwife, doula) and YOU are the one in control, low interference from outside sources (procedures, hands, lights, noises), belief in your body and ability by everyone around you (including the professionals). Remember, that's only a few.

7. You have complete right, protected under law, to refuse any and all procedures for you and your baby.

8. Don't automatically assume your birth professional is recommending an intervention or procedure because they truly believe it to be best. Sometimes it is simply the way they were trained and they are not comfortable stepping outside their comfort zone. A great example of this is inducing women before 40 weeks pregnancy. Doctors and midwives alike have made this a terrible practice, and I'd be willing to put money down that most of them have never experienced a postdates pregnancy. They were trained that something terrible happens after 40 weeks and therefore baby MUST come out before. With that, on to 9.

9. Due dates are anybody's best guess, EVEN with ultrasound. Babies decide when to initiate labor, that is their job. There isn't a switch in there that goes off at 40 weeks of pregnancy and all of a sudden everything stops working. Nutritionally sound mothers can continue to be pregnant for as long as necessary, until baby decides it's time. No baby ever stayed in forever.

10. Nutrition is hands down the most important part of pregnancy AND birth. Be realistic and be honest about what you're putting into your body. Protein is super important, it is the foundation of a healthy, well-formed, and well-attached placenta. So eat lots, as in 70-100 grams daily. Eat salt, but not table salt. Use sea salt or kosher salt and eat it daily in your food to your taste. Consume enough water, 64 oz. daily is minimal. The optimal amount is 1/2 of your body weight in ounces. (Ex.: a 165 lb woman needs roughly 82 oz. a day). And spread your water out through the day. Otherwise you will simply pee out what you're taking in. Include a good serving of leafy green veggies daily. Eat a salad if nothing else. The last thing is eat a colorful variety of fruits and veggies: blue, orange, red, yellow.

Now I don't expect this to convince everyone to have a natural birth. Life just doesn't work that way, no matter how capable I completely believe and know each woman to be. These are just things I wish I could make into a pamphlet and distribute to women the world over. Honestly, there's so much more, but you guys would be reading for days.

Also, women who choose to have a medicated birth need some tips too. Labor at home for as long as possible. Remember that saying yes to one intervention doesn't have to mean saying yes to all of them. Demand you hold your baby immediately. Everything they have to do right after birth can be done with you holding the baby. Send your partner with your baby for all nursery time, tests, or procedures. Most importantly, don't use the absense of pain as a excuse to not participate in labor. Remember you have a baby in your body making the most important journey possible, his or her entrance into the world. Likewise, you are experiencing one of the three times in your life as a woman that literally changes who you are. After birth your chemical makeup is never the same. So, don't be a passenger in your birth even if you are numb from the waist down. Find ways to be present and experience the experience.

We must protect birth. Because we live how we are born. Because peace on birth begins with birth. Because babies are incapable of protecting themselves. Because it's time we took our power back. Because birth is the most powerful healer in our realm. Because She-Ra woman power really does exist. But mostly...

Because birth is sacred...

For my fellow Mississippians

Personally, I think Hilary has made a grave political mistake. In an interview she is quoted as saying, "I was shocked when I learned Iowa and Mississippi have never elected a woman governor, senator or member of Congress. There has got to be something at work here." She went on to say, "How can Iowa be ranked with Mississippi? That's not the quality. That's not the communitarianism, that's not the openness I see in Iowa."

I'm wondering how such an educated woman can make such a careless statement? Regardless of the fact that Mississippi is historically a "red" state, she has managed to not only alienate our state but the entire south along with it. The South tends to link itself together. The deep South is generally though of as backwoods, ignorant, and behind the times. Now, I'll admit we are behind in terms of progressive thinking. Liberals in Mississippi aren't hard to come by, they simply aren't the majority. The issue is that this is the case in most Southern states. Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, sometimes Tennessee, and even the Carolinas are portrayed in the same light by Hollywood. People who have never visited the South are shocked when they come and discover civilization. I worked with a girl from Maine once whose family was completely surprised she had indoor plumbing and electricity and didn't have to drive to New Orleans to shop.

Beyond simply alienating a good portion of potential voters, Hilary has managed to destroy the confidence of people who stand to be under her leadership. Katrina is not a dim memory to those of use who experienced it. Federal response to a disaster of such proportions was sadly lacking, and this from a candidate we helped to put in office (oops). Point is, if "our" chosen leader will ignore our struggles with such careless abandon, what will the South look like if left up to a leader who doesn't even consider us worthy of considerate comments?

Let me also point out that we have never had a female gubernatorial candidate. We have, however, had two women elected to Mississippi's 2nd highest office, one who is still serving. Lt. Governor Amy Tuck is well respected throughout Mississippi, and although she is now affiliated with the Republican party, she was elected into office as a Democrat.

I am used to the disrespectful and ignorant attitudes of the country regarding Mississippi. We have been poorly portrayed for as long as I can remember, this I believe we are all used to. But when the politicians, especially those who stand a possibility of running this country, begin to not only view us in a bad light, but also speak of us in one, I do not see good things.

Go ahead - drive

Let me being with a few words from Ani, who is (I'm convinced) the most talented lyricist of our time.

i was a long time coming
i'll be a long time gone
you've got your whole life to do something
and that's not very long
so why don't you give me a call
when you're willing to fight
for what you think is real
for what you think is right

I was thinking yesterday as I was driving, aka my Ani time, about legacies. We all have them and we all leave them. Sometimes we come into a wonderful legacy and leave the world with a decidedly worse one. Others, and this is my aspiration, we come into a legacy of the not so great and leave behind one that the word improvement cannot begin to touch. The legacy I came into was, to put it mildly, desperation. My birth family was (and is) riddled with illness both physical and mental, drugs, abandonment, and heartache. My mom and dad (who adopted me), while wonderful people, were desperate for a child and had suffered many losses of many varities over the years of working toward parenthood. Needless to say, I had no shoes and yet very large shoes to fill all at once. A long time coming...yep that was me. We all are, really. Generations upon generations before us set up for our arrival. And our mark is left for generations to follow. What we're leaving though, that's another story.

It occurred to me as I followed this highway of thought how easily I've fit into this generation I was born into. This isn't the first time I've thought this, but I'm glad to have lived in the years I have. We have gotten to witness so much history and change, some wonderful and some terrible. But, with each new generation there comes more change...as we all know change is inevitable. Each of us make a mark on the world, even if by affecting one single person...that person is marked and will go on to mark others. Boom. Your mark is made.

As a parent, I'm more than aware that my greatest chance at leaving a mark is through my children. I am no one spectacular. But I am raising my children, I hope, to believe in what I have to offer - to grab ahold of my legacy. What I am aiming for that legacy to be is this...and you must hear me out...feminism. I'm not talking about that canned version of girl power Shee-Ra women are better than men version thing. I don't mean woman's rights or equality, although those things are plenty important. What I want to hand down is appreciation of the feminine, and more importantly understanding. I want to empower my daughters, who will empower theirs, who will empower theirs, and so on. I also hope to pass this through my work to my clients and pretty much any woman open to receiving it. Possession of the femine nature is powerful, all we have to do is grab it.

I don't know how my time gone will be. I know we are all a long time gone...that has to be the greatest truth I've ever heard. I have been handed down legacies from generations ago. Those molded southern women who lived in their old southern homes, rocked on their old southern porches, and died in their old southern beds. I hope in a few generations the grandchildren of my children will remember my legacy. I hope they will know of my battle scars and remember birth and rebirth that comes with being feminine. I hope the daughters that follow long after me never let themselves be brought down by social ideas and pressures. And I hope the sons never seek to bring them down.

For the beautiful babies I have seen enter this world, as they are such an intrical part of my mark, I hope they go through life exactly as they were born - gently, with love, and never choosing violent intervention when careful watching will do.

No, this legacy wasn't what I was born into. We aren't always a long time coming and gone in the same ways. Which, leads me perfectly to my closing quote by (of course) Ani.

and i was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range

So, go ahead...drive. Live your own life and make one hell of a legacy in the process.