Go get, and subsequently read the Odd Thomas series by Dean Koontz.
I have never been a fan of Koontz, actually never gave him a try before getting these books on the recommendation of a close friend. There is Odd Thomas, Forever Odd, and Brother Odd. The series is about a young man, named Odd, who just happens to see spirits.
The reason I love these books so much is because of Odd. He is quite literally the only character I've ever read who did not stay a character in my mind. Once you get into the first book, you forget Koontz even wrote the story. The words seem to literally be coming from Odd Thomas. His character is vivid and witty.
My only criticism of the series is one that from the perspective of an author cannot really be helped. That is the redundancy that comes in the very beginning of each of the last two books...in order to reiterate relevant points of the story that the reader might have forgotten or for those who might not have read the previous book(s).
I've heard that there is more coming to this series, and I am anxiously awaiting tangible proof of that - as in an actual release in my local bookstore. Until then, I thought I'd pass on the recommendation to anyone else who might love reading as much as I do.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Eat Me
Since I have quite a few pregnant women on my friends' list, as well as many women of childbearing age, I consider this very important to put out there. Also, this is for any women doing birth work that may need this to share with their clients. For everyone else, bear with me. You might learn something!
The absolute most important part of pregnancy is nutrition. It isn't often that pregnant women who are seeing an OB are taught the facts about prenatal nutrition. Now, let me state first off that I do not blame this entirely on the medical profession. The fact is that doctors are taught about it either, and what they are taught applies to the non-pregnant body. The pregnant body is much different, and therefore has different nutritional requirements.
Teaching pregnant women what to eat is about 70% of what I do, followed by about 20% therapy, and 10% acual birth work. That is how important nutrition is when you're pregnant.
First, I will give you a general overview of why nutrition is so important in pregnancy, next I'll give you the basics of how to eat and explain why each point is so important, and finally I'll give some tips on how to meet these guidelines. Also, by request, I'll give a few tips to ladies who are not yet pregnant. So...on to the first point. Nutrition in pregnancy is the foundation of not only mother and baby's health, but also a term pregnancy and an easy labor and delivery. The body systems of the fetus all begin to form in the first trimester. This is also the time that the placenta is formed and becomes attached to the wall of the uterus. Without nutritional backing, none of these things can be completed - at least not well.
The main foundation of eating well prenatally is protein. Protein helps the placenta form, attatch, and stay attached. It also keeps swelling to a minimum. Another thing not well known is that pregnancy diseases like Toxemia, Pre-Ecclampsia, and Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension (these are the most well-known) are all primarily nutrition based diseases. Which means, with the correct nutrition, these things don't happen. Here are the basics w/ explanations:
1. Protein - you need 80-120 grams a day. Now many midwives differ on this thought, but on a whole we all agree it is important. Some say around 70 grams daily. I have personally seen better results with the higher amount of protein, as long as the sources are quality. Make some quality decisions on what to eat throughout the day and this is easy to achieve. Protein has also been shown to make bouts of early pregnancy sickness either less or eliminated altogether. Here are some good quality sources (these are just a few) of protein to include in your diet:
Pinto Beans - 44 g per cup
Chicken - 30 g per breast
Cottage Cheese - 26 g per cup
Ground turkey - 20 g per serving
Peanuts - 19 g per half cup
Turkey Sausage - 15 g per link
Tilapia - 15 g per serving
Kidney beans - 14 g per cup
Almonds - 13 g per half cup
Yogurt - 12 g per cup
Flax seed peanut butter - 10 g per 2 tbs. serving
Brazil nuts - 8-10 g per dozen
Also, if you like milk and eggs, consuming 2 eggs and 2- 16 oz. glasses of milk daily is an easy way to get half of what you need in a day.
2. Leafy green vegetables - don't cheat on this one. You need at least one good serving daily and this is where most women fall short. You don't have to eat collard greens or anything, a good salad made of actual greens will do. Use Romaine lettuce, spring greens, and spinach leaves. Add a little grilled chicken and cottage cheese (extra protein), then the dressing your choice. That will cover the cottage cheese taste if you don't like it. Leafy greens are important for iron as well as forming complete proteins and helping your body break down and process the large amount of protein being taken in.
3. Water - the minimum is 64 oz. (or 8-8 oz. glasses) a day. Remember this is MINIMUM. You should actually be getting half of your body weight in ounces worth of water. So if you weigh 200 lbs (avg. pregnant women do), you need 100 oz. of water daily. Juice, tea, sodas do not count. This is pure water we're talking about and is super important for pregnant women. Amniotic fluid replenishes itself about every 3 hours, and if you aren't hydrating your body there is nothing there for it to be replenished with. Also, spread water out throughout the day. The body can only process about a glass an hour, any more than that just gets passed straight through in urine.
4. Salt - contrary to popular belief, salt is ok (good even) for pregnant women! Salt your food to taste but skip the table salt. Use kosher or sea salt as it hasn't been stripped of all the good minerals your body needs. Salt is essential for cells to process water and keeps swelling to a minimum.
5. Color - have a colorful diet and you'll take care of the rest! Blue, red, yellow, orange, and green fruits and veggies throughout the day will complete and compliment your pregnant diet and support the growth of your baby well.
Remember that swelling in pregnancy is a sign of something being off nutritionally. Check your protein intake, up your water intake, and make sure you are salting your food to taste and the swelling will almost always subside. Another thing that I tell women is they don't have to restrict. If you decide you want a chocolate shake, fine! Go and enjoy that to the fullest of your pregnant ability (which we all know is A LOT!!!), just balance it out later with an extra glass of water or an extra serving of greens.
Another point I want to briefly address is that of gestational diabetes. Most women do not realize that pregnancy is a natural diabetic state. The body does that on purpose. This is so that you will have to eat 5-6 small, frequent meals throughout the day in order to keep your blood sugar stable and keep your baby's blood sugar stable.
Now, because I was specifically requested to address women who are not yet pregnant, here you go. :) These same things apply to the non-pregnant body except for protein intake. The non-pregnant woman only needs about half of that amount of protein (40-50 g). But taking the time before you are pregnant to practice eating this way makes it that much easier when you are! This is also a good time to learn eating small, frequent meals instead of three large ones. Honestly, this way of eating can benefit pretty much everyone - male or female, pregnant or may never become pregnant. It is really just a good, healthy way of eating.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. Soon to follow: my Engrish blog as promised!
The absolute most important part of pregnancy is nutrition. It isn't often that pregnant women who are seeing an OB are taught the facts about prenatal nutrition. Now, let me state first off that I do not blame this entirely on the medical profession. The fact is that doctors are taught about it either, and what they are taught applies to the non-pregnant body. The pregnant body is much different, and therefore has different nutritional requirements.
Teaching pregnant women what to eat is about 70% of what I do, followed by about 20% therapy, and 10% acual birth work. That is how important nutrition is when you're pregnant.
First, I will give you a general overview of why nutrition is so important in pregnancy, next I'll give you the basics of how to eat and explain why each point is so important, and finally I'll give some tips on how to meet these guidelines. Also, by request, I'll give a few tips to ladies who are not yet pregnant. So...on to the first point. Nutrition in pregnancy is the foundation of not only mother and baby's health, but also a term pregnancy and an easy labor and delivery. The body systems of the fetus all begin to form in the first trimester. This is also the time that the placenta is formed and becomes attached to the wall of the uterus. Without nutritional backing, none of these things can be completed - at least not well.
The main foundation of eating well prenatally is protein. Protein helps the placenta form, attatch, and stay attached. It also keeps swelling to a minimum. Another thing not well known is that pregnancy diseases like Toxemia, Pre-Ecclampsia, and Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension (these are the most well-known) are all primarily nutrition based diseases. Which means, with the correct nutrition, these things don't happen. Here are the basics w/ explanations:
1. Protein - you need 80-120 grams a day. Now many midwives differ on this thought, but on a whole we all agree it is important. Some say around 70 grams daily. I have personally seen better results with the higher amount of protein, as long as the sources are quality. Make some quality decisions on what to eat throughout the day and this is easy to achieve. Protein has also been shown to make bouts of early pregnancy sickness either less or eliminated altogether. Here are some good quality sources (these are just a few) of protein to include in your diet:
Pinto Beans - 44 g per cup
Chicken - 30 g per breast
Cottage Cheese - 26 g per cup
Ground turkey - 20 g per serving
Peanuts - 19 g per half cup
Turkey Sausage - 15 g per link
Tilapia - 15 g per serving
Kidney beans - 14 g per cup
Almonds - 13 g per half cup
Yogurt - 12 g per cup
Flax seed peanut butter - 10 g per 2 tbs. serving
Brazil nuts - 8-10 g per dozen
Also, if you like milk and eggs, consuming 2 eggs and 2- 16 oz. glasses of milk daily is an easy way to get half of what you need in a day.
2. Leafy green vegetables - don't cheat on this one. You need at least one good serving daily and this is where most women fall short. You don't have to eat collard greens or anything, a good salad made of actual greens will do. Use Romaine lettuce, spring greens, and spinach leaves. Add a little grilled chicken and cottage cheese (extra protein), then the dressing your choice. That will cover the cottage cheese taste if you don't like it. Leafy greens are important for iron as well as forming complete proteins and helping your body break down and process the large amount of protein being taken in.
3. Water - the minimum is 64 oz. (or 8-8 oz. glasses) a day. Remember this is MINIMUM. You should actually be getting half of your body weight in ounces worth of water. So if you weigh 200 lbs (avg. pregnant women do), you need 100 oz. of water daily. Juice, tea, sodas do not count. This is pure water we're talking about and is super important for pregnant women. Amniotic fluid replenishes itself about every 3 hours, and if you aren't hydrating your body there is nothing there for it to be replenished with. Also, spread water out throughout the day. The body can only process about a glass an hour, any more than that just gets passed straight through in urine.
4. Salt - contrary to popular belief, salt is ok (good even) for pregnant women! Salt your food to taste but skip the table salt. Use kosher or sea salt as it hasn't been stripped of all the good minerals your body needs. Salt is essential for cells to process water and keeps swelling to a minimum.
5. Color - have a colorful diet and you'll take care of the rest! Blue, red, yellow, orange, and green fruits and veggies throughout the day will complete and compliment your pregnant diet and support the growth of your baby well.
Remember that swelling in pregnancy is a sign of something being off nutritionally. Check your protein intake, up your water intake, and make sure you are salting your food to taste and the swelling will almost always subside. Another thing that I tell women is they don't have to restrict. If you decide you want a chocolate shake, fine! Go and enjoy that to the fullest of your pregnant ability (which we all know is A LOT!!!), just balance it out later with an extra glass of water or an extra serving of greens.
Another point I want to briefly address is that of gestational diabetes. Most women do not realize that pregnancy is a natural diabetic state. The body does that on purpose. This is so that you will have to eat 5-6 small, frequent meals throughout the day in order to keep your blood sugar stable and keep your baby's blood sugar stable.
Now, because I was specifically requested to address women who are not yet pregnant, here you go. :) These same things apply to the non-pregnant body except for protein intake. The non-pregnant woman only needs about half of that amount of protein (40-50 g). But taking the time before you are pregnant to practice eating this way makes it that much easier when you are! This is also a good time to learn eating small, frequent meals instead of three large ones. Honestly, this way of eating can benefit pretty much everyone - male or female, pregnant or may never become pregnant. It is really just a good, healthy way of eating.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. Soon to follow: my Engrish blog as promised!
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
*I apologize in advance for the certain headache this will give you.*
Hello lovely silly!! Hurry up the cakes. The sun's out, let's play balls. I'm sorry but I cannot guide you. Specifically, to a person of a person in charge. But, please smell the pleasure. Eat the crepe that eats easily from the child to the adult very much once! I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smell.
Defy the keen edge of desire. You don't have to be happy now is the time to be sad. Let's go to good place, deep ride. Do not want to return. Or we could go to Delaware, if you like a variety of uncrowded. Whatever you wish, life is a best. The lone waited for day is rust around the corner. You're extra special to the end. Just look in your mind. All we need is love is we need. You can't in the states. There's always Engrand. Blow on this world! Poor misguided young Muslim Christian Athiest.
This is not here. Dog look at airplane. Mickey Mouse goes into action!
Let's hole. Feel enjoy! I eat your skin. The spices of love chesty. Enjoy clambake. If friends feeling pleasure gather together, we can spend time of the best. I have great character! This good feel is for you. I like the present situation very much. We are always good friend. It's constant. Do the happy day! Don't worry...be sex!!! Stick to coffee and alcohol.
We are all cheerful and good natured kids. Of course, some are little too curious. How naughty we are! Are you a tough guy? For God' sake, who has talks people around the world that I am good at boxing? That's really disturbance! What I want to do is just feeding, sleeping, and hopping. People, please let me alone! Please! Go to hell!! Damn human!! I hate myself and I want to die. Elvis is dead, Sinatra is dead, and me - I feel also not so good. Not feel well? Get drunk. Run around naked. Get killed - get noticed.
Calm down monkey it's bread. Give me a hand, I'm going to milk the cows.
God breath you.
**If you're wondering what just happened, please visit this site and go take some aspirin.**
Hello lovely silly!! Hurry up the cakes. The sun's out, let's play balls. I'm sorry but I cannot guide you. Specifically, to a person of a person in charge. But, please smell the pleasure. Eat the crepe that eats easily from the child to the adult very much once! I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smell.
Defy the keen edge of desire. You don't have to be happy now is the time to be sad. Let's go to good place, deep ride. Do not want to return. Or we could go to Delaware, if you like a variety of uncrowded. Whatever you wish, life is a best. The lone waited for day is rust around the corner. You're extra special to the end. Just look in your mind. All we need is love is we need. You can't in the states. There's always Engrand. Blow on this world! Poor misguided young Muslim Christian Athiest.
This is not here. Dog look at airplane. Mickey Mouse goes into action!
Let's hole. Feel enjoy! I eat your skin. The spices of love chesty. Enjoy clambake. If friends feeling pleasure gather together, we can spend time of the best. I have great character! This good feel is for you. I like the present situation very much. We are always good friend. It's constant. Do the happy day! Don't worry...be sex!!! Stick to coffee and alcohol.
We are all cheerful and good natured kids. Of course, some are little too curious. How naughty we are! Are you a tough guy? For God' sake, who has talks people around the world that I am good at boxing? That's really disturbance! What I want to do is just feeding, sleeping, and hopping. People, please let me alone! Please! Go to hell!! Damn human!! I hate myself and I want to die. Elvis is dead, Sinatra is dead, and me - I feel also not so good. Not feel well? Get drunk. Run around naked. Get killed - get noticed.
Calm down monkey it's bread. Give me a hand, I'm going to milk the cows.
God breath you.
**If you're wondering what just happened, please visit this site and go take some aspirin.**
Friday, November 30, 2007
10 things blog...a tag
I was tagged my the lovely Lisa. I believe I've done this one before, so if you've read any of these before bear with me. I do, however, have enough idiosyncrasies to fill a few of these things.
1. I have really weird sleeping habits. I have to have the bottom of my sheet tucked in (hotel/military style), the sheet must be tucked over the top of the comforter, and I like for my feet to touch the end of the mattress so I scoot way away from the headboard.
2. I'm a people collector. I love knowing people. If I don't know you well, chances are I'd like to.
3. I don't always give people a fair chance. I hate that about me, but there you go.
4. I can and will talk about anything with anybody. Anything. Anybody.
5. I have been married twice, first at the age of 19.
6. I don't think adults are actually grown-ups until somewhere around the age of 40. And sadly sometimes not even then.
7. I honestly and wholeheartedly believe gentle birth would solve most of the world's problems.
8. I am much more of a rebel now then I was in my rebellious years. (I promise anyone who knew me then and just read that, shuddered.)
9. I am a word whore. If you are one too, you just read that and smiled.
10. I like me, in a completely unconceited way. A lot. And finally.
So the rules of the tag are that I write my ten things and then tag ten people to write ten more things. Either this is too many tens for me, or I don't like to play by the rules. You figure it out! ;)
Have a loverly weekend all!!
1. I have really weird sleeping habits. I have to have the bottom of my sheet tucked in (hotel/military style), the sheet must be tucked over the top of the comforter, and I like for my feet to touch the end of the mattress so I scoot way away from the headboard.
2. I'm a people collector. I love knowing people. If I don't know you well, chances are I'd like to.
3. I don't always give people a fair chance. I hate that about me, but there you go.
4. I can and will talk about anything with anybody. Anything. Anybody.
5. I have been married twice, first at the age of 19.
6. I don't think adults are actually grown-ups until somewhere around the age of 40. And sadly sometimes not even then.
7. I honestly and wholeheartedly believe gentle birth would solve most of the world's problems.
8. I am much more of a rebel now then I was in my rebellious years. (I promise anyone who knew me then and just read that, shuddered.)
9. I am a word whore. If you are one too, you just read that and smiled.
10. I like me, in a completely unconceited way. A lot. And finally.
So the rules of the tag are that I write my ten things and then tag ten people to write ten more things. Either this is too many tens for me, or I don't like to play by the rules. You figure it out! ;)
Have a loverly weekend all!!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Apparently I have ADD
Not to mention tourettes. ;) Janet is the only one of my lovelies who will understand that. But that's ok.
So I realized that the last blog I'd written, other than my bitch fest yesterday, was a few weeks back. I figured I'd take the time to give a few random updates.
My house actually did get finished. Thanksgiving was a lovely holiday, as it always is. Only this time EVERYTHING was cleaned out and organized exactly as I want it! Three years we've lived here and this is the first time I'm completely happy with my house. Well, honestly there's painting that needs to be done, and laundry that isn't done, and the laundry room is the only room we didn't get to so it's messy. But you know there's always going to be something. So, I'm still completely happy.
My December birth baby made his appearance early, so I'm done with births for the year unless I have a January mom who decides to get ahead of the game. This has been a BUSY year birthwise, and the way it wrapped was kick-ass as ever! GO JANET for a strong, beautiful birth!!!
I've been watching Dirty Dancing obsessively lately, as it is my all-time favorite movie. I think I could quote the whole thing by now! As for other movies I've seen as of late, here are a few I highly recommend!
Hairspray - the new one...see this movie!! It is really cute and kept me laughing. Plus Ricki has a cameo. And there is nothing funnier than John Travolta in this movie!!!
Dirty Love - Jenni McCarthy is a complete spaz and this movie is quite funny. Touch my BAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Tara Road - this movie is a grown up version of The Holiday. I'll say it does move a little slower, but in the end is really good.
I've seen so many movies lately they all kind of run together. But these are the top ones. And of course, I'll add yet another plug for Chuck & Larry. I loved that freaking movie!
Alright friends, that's about it for me. I will be doing a blog on prenatal nutrition in the near future as I have many pregnant ladies on my list and this is the most important part of what I do. I'll also be doing the Engrish blog very soon!
Let's make happy nice...it's bread!!
So I realized that the last blog I'd written, other than my bitch fest yesterday, was a few weeks back. I figured I'd take the time to give a few random updates.
My house actually did get finished. Thanksgiving was a lovely holiday, as it always is. Only this time EVERYTHING was cleaned out and organized exactly as I want it! Three years we've lived here and this is the first time I'm completely happy with my house. Well, honestly there's painting that needs to be done, and laundry that isn't done, and the laundry room is the only room we didn't get to so it's messy. But you know there's always going to be something. So, I'm still completely happy.
My December birth baby made his appearance early, so I'm done with births for the year unless I have a January mom who decides to get ahead of the game. This has been a BUSY year birthwise, and the way it wrapped was kick-ass as ever! GO JANET for a strong, beautiful birth!!!
I've been watching Dirty Dancing obsessively lately, as it is my all-time favorite movie. I think I could quote the whole thing by now! As for other movies I've seen as of late, here are a few I highly recommend!
Hairspray - the new one...see this movie!! It is really cute and kept me laughing. Plus Ricki has a cameo. And there is nothing funnier than John Travolta in this movie!!!
Dirty Love - Jenni McCarthy is a complete spaz and this movie is quite funny. Touch my BAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Tara Road - this movie is a grown up version of The Holiday. I'll say it does move a little slower, but in the end is really good.
I've seen so many movies lately they all kind of run together. But these are the top ones. And of course, I'll add yet another plug for Chuck & Larry. I loved that freaking movie!
Alright friends, that's about it for me. I will be doing a blog on prenatal nutrition in the near future as I have many pregnant ladies on my list and this is the most important part of what I do. I'll also be doing the Engrish blog very soon!
Let's make happy nice...it's bread!!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Homos...One - Crazy People...Zero!!!
If you have not seen I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, I'm begging you to rent, buy, or steal this movie immediately.
Having just seen this movie last night, I simply cannot tell you how impressed I was with this movie. In traditional Adam Sandler style, all the usual characters are present. However, veering off from traditional Adam Sandler style, this movie is full of depth and inspiration. Which I wasn't exactly expecting when we popped it in. Also, of course, there is comedy all over the place.
Let me mention as well, although I am not usually a huge Jessica Biel fan, the goodness she brings to this movie kinda makes you want to drool. I'm just saying.
Alright, so that's my movie review for the day. I loved loved loved this movie and I'm really glad it's ours to keep. And for the record, it was bought - not stolen.
Going in straight...coming out gay.
Having just seen this movie last night, I simply cannot tell you how impressed I was with this movie. In traditional Adam Sandler style, all the usual characters are present. However, veering off from traditional Adam Sandler style, this movie is full of depth and inspiration. Which I wasn't exactly expecting when we popped it in. Also, of course, there is comedy all over the place.
Let me mention as well, although I am not usually a huge Jessica Biel fan, the goodness she brings to this movie kinda makes you want to drool. I'm just saying.
Alright, so that's my movie review for the day. I loved loved loved this movie and I'm really glad it's ours to keep. And for the record, it was bought - not stolen.
Going in straight...coming out gay.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Wisdom for the day
Every once in a while moments of sheer wisdom hit me. I am grateful for them. And today, I'd like to share. As I said earlier in my status update, sometimes it is better to be a part of someone's past than their present. Let me share the thought locomotive that brought me to this place.
I was, as I often do, enjoying the kick ass playlist I put on my profile. One of my favorite songs on this list is a song by The Fray. I identify with it in so many ways. Anyway, one of the lines says "Suddenly I become part of your past, I'm becoming the part that don't last." Anyone who knows me knows that I am not always a live in the now person. I try to be, but I'm not always successful. Another thing about me is that when I love you, no matter your role in my life, I love you with everything I've got. And once you're a part of my past or vice versa, I don't always let go so easy. I don't really let go of anything easily, and never actually completely. I am nostalgic by nature. I need to revisit, relive, and relish. It is beautiful to me on many levels to recall times or people in my life that at one time made me happy.
Today, as I heard that line I was reminded of a few people who are a part of my past, and I a part of theirs. I realized that everyone who is a part of my past is there for a reason. And I am part of theirs for a reason. We share a past much better than a present. And I am thankful for that. I've learned over my life that everyone who comes into your life isn't meant to stay there forever, actually most aren't meant to.
But, like everyone, I will sometimes find myself wishing these ghosts from my past were a part of my now. Today though, I realized that it simply isn't smart to wish that. People evolve, we change. The changes I have gone through in years past make me almost unrecognizable to people who knew me a decade ago. And I personally am proud of each and every change. Because they have made me wiser, stronger, and a better person. But not every change in a person is for the better. A number of my ghosts of Candi's past have changed for the not so better. And those people, I'm thankful to be a part of their past. Because their presents aren't necessarily something I'm interested in existing in.
Also, because I have many, many people on my list who have known me for years and years...which therefore links all of our pasts in some way...I'd like for you to know something. If we share a link, I'm thankful for it no matter what it may be. You've made a mark on my life at some point and hopefully I've made a mark on yours. If you have to wonder whether or not your changes have been for the better, then well I guess you should examine things for yourself.
So I suppose this is about letting go and being thankful for having been let go of. What a strange feeling of relief that brings.
I was, as I often do, enjoying the kick ass playlist I put on my profile. One of my favorite songs on this list is a song by The Fray. I identify with it in so many ways. Anyway, one of the lines says "Suddenly I become part of your past, I'm becoming the part that don't last." Anyone who knows me knows that I am not always a live in the now person. I try to be, but I'm not always successful. Another thing about me is that when I love you, no matter your role in my life, I love you with everything I've got. And once you're a part of my past or vice versa, I don't always let go so easy. I don't really let go of anything easily, and never actually completely. I am nostalgic by nature. I need to revisit, relive, and relish. It is beautiful to me on many levels to recall times or people in my life that at one time made me happy.
Today, as I heard that line I was reminded of a few people who are a part of my past, and I a part of theirs. I realized that everyone who is a part of my past is there for a reason. And I am part of theirs for a reason. We share a past much better than a present. And I am thankful for that. I've learned over my life that everyone who comes into your life isn't meant to stay there forever, actually most aren't meant to.
But, like everyone, I will sometimes find myself wishing these ghosts from my past were a part of my now. Today though, I realized that it simply isn't smart to wish that. People evolve, we change. The changes I have gone through in years past make me almost unrecognizable to people who knew me a decade ago. And I personally am proud of each and every change. Because they have made me wiser, stronger, and a better person. But not every change in a person is for the better. A number of my ghosts of Candi's past have changed for the not so better. And those people, I'm thankful to be a part of their past. Because their presents aren't necessarily something I'm interested in existing in.
Also, because I have many, many people on my list who have known me for years and years...which therefore links all of our pasts in some way...I'd like for you to know something. If we share a link, I'm thankful for it no matter what it may be. You've made a mark on my life at some point and hopefully I've made a mark on yours. If you have to wonder whether or not your changes have been for the better, then well I guess you should examine things for yourself.
So I suppose this is about letting go and being thankful for having been let go of. What a strange feeling of relief that brings.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Why I love birth...
Birth has taught me some of my greatest lessons in life. My others, not surprisingly, have been learned through love and parenting. But today, today I want to talk about birth. And you can expect some brutal honesty. Just know I love you. :)
Since I started birth work in 2002, I have come to view all naturally occuring things in the world through the eyes of birth. I look at butterflies and think of birth, I look at trees and think of birth. Everything has a beginning, and all beginnings are a birth. Something I figured out almost instantly doing birth work is that we live the way we are born. And why wouldn't we? Our entrance into this world is the first imprint on our consciousness. As hokey as it may sound, we spend the entire rest of our lives trying to recreate this first imprint in some way or another.
Because I am adopted, I didn't know anything about my own birth until a little over 5 years ago. Then I found out that my biological mother had to push a long time with me and I just wouldn't be born. Then I decided to come and came all in one fell swoop, so quickly that the doctor almost didn't catch me. Now, ask anyone who knows me well and you'll find out I'm eternally late, and I am incapable of making a quiet entrance. I always arrive with a gust of energy surrounding me. Likewise, I go through life in much the same way. I procrastinate to the point of it being scary, then at the last minute, I frenzy it done.
Some things about birth simply cannot be changed. Some babies will make whatever entrance they are going to make, we cannot control that in any way (nor should we want to). But why on earth do we feel the need to control so much about welcoming a tiny soul into our lives? When did birth become so unnatural that we feel the need to rush into the gloved hands of the doctor and the monotonous sound of the machines that go beep at the first sign of a contraction? (For my earthy birthy women, that's rhetorical...I know the answer.)
Here are some things I wish EVERY woman knew about birth. Whether she's having a baby or will never have a baby. Birth comes with the innate quality of the feminine, and I am of the belief that anyone who possess the feminine should take a responsibility for birth.
1. Almost EVERY woman is capable of having their baby 100% without intervention. Now I don't mean 3 our of every 4 women here, I'm talking about more than 9 out of every 10. More than 90 - 95% of women, if left alone in labor, require absolutely no outside intervention.
2. Most of the time when you hear (or say as the case may be), "Well if i hadn't been at the hospital, me or my baby would have died" it isn't true. More often than not, when an intervention is required in a birth, it is in response to another intervention that has been used. For example, a baby's heart rate plummets and fails to recover during a contraction and mom is rushed in for an "emergency" cesarean. Good thing the good ole' doctor was there...right? We won't mention that the mother had been given pitocin, had her water broken, and was confined to bed for nine hours before this happened. Oh, and she had an epidural.
3. Having a natural birth has absolutely nothing in the world to do with your ability or inability to tolerate pain. Birth is a different kind of "pain". It has a distinct purpose and is not constant. The powers that be were smart enough to design it that way because the dura mater of the spinal cord wasn't created as a pin cushion.
4. If you have been so unlucky to have experienced a birth in which your epidural did not take or didn't work completely, let me first say I am so very sorry for you. That is not intended with any hint of sarcasm either. But please, please do not think what you experienced is anything comparable to a birth where no medications have been used. You have experienced far worse. Let me explain why. In a natural labor your body creates endorphines which act as natural pain relievers. These wonderful little substances increase in production with each rise in the intensity of labor. The harder and faster the contractions, the more endorphines you get. But the minute outside pain relievers of any kind enter your body, endorphine production halts. So any pain your feel from that point on is magnified. Again, I'm so very sorry for you.
5. In a natural birth everything works perfectly. It takes a very important and very delicate coctail of hormones for birth and bonding to happen exactly as it was designed. Here's my favorite instance of that: immediately following birth mom's body releases HUGE amounts of oxytocin (the love hormone) and even greater amounts once she begins breastfeeding. This hormone induces a state of euphoria. I promise no drug in the world feels better than this hormone. At the exact same time, baby's body releases catecholomines (stress hormones). The end effect of this hormone coctail is a baby who needs and wants its mother desperately and a mother who is completely in love with her infant and has eyes for no other human being on Earth. How amazingly simple and yet beautiful at the same time.
6. Here's a few things that make contractions tolerable: moving around in labor, education in pregnancy, relaxation and calm in labor, knowing and remembering that you have HIRED your birth attendants (doctor, nurse, midwife, doula) and YOU are the one in control, low interference from outside sources (procedures, hands, lights, noises), belief in your body and ability by everyone around you (including the professionals). Remember, that's only a few.
7. You have complete right, protected under law, to refuse any and all procedures for you and your baby.
8. Don't automatically assume your birth professional is recommending an intervention or procedure because they truly believe it to be best. Sometimes it is simply the way they were trained and they are not comfortable stepping outside their comfort zone. A great example of this is inducing women before 40 weeks pregnancy. Doctors and midwives alike have made this a terrible practice, and I'd be willing to put money down that most of them have never experienced a postdates pregnancy. They were trained that something terrible happens after 40 weeks and therefore baby MUST come out before. With that, on to 9.
9. Due dates are anybody's best guess, EVEN with ultrasound. Babies decide when to initiate labor, that is their job. There isn't a switch in there that goes off at 40 weeks of pregnancy and all of a sudden everything stops working. Nutritionally sound mothers can continue to be pregnant for as long as necessary, until baby decides it's time. No baby ever stayed in forever.
10. Nutrition is hands down the most important part of pregnancy AND birth. Be realistic and be honest about what you're putting into your body. Protein is super important, it is the foundation of a healthy, well-formed, and well-attached placenta. So eat lots, as in 70-100 grams daily. Eat salt, but not table salt. Use sea salt or kosher salt and eat it daily in your food to your taste. Consume enough water, 64 oz. daily is minimal. The optimal amount is 1/2 of your body weight in ounces. (Ex.: a 165 lb woman needs roughly 82 oz. a day). And spread your water out through the day. Otherwise you will simply pee out what you're taking in. Include a good serving of leafy green veggies daily. Eat a salad if nothing else. The last thing is eat a colorful variety of fruits and veggies: blue, orange, red, yellow.
Now I don't expect this to convince everyone to have a natural birth. Life just doesn't work that way, no matter how capable I completely believe and know each woman to be. These are just things I wish I could make into a pamphlet and distribute to women the world over. Honestly, there's so much more, but you guys would be reading for days.
Also, women who choose to have a medicated birth need some tips too. Labor at home for as long as possible. Remember that saying yes to one intervention doesn't have to mean saying yes to all of them. Demand you hold your baby immediately. Everything they have to do right after birth can be done with you holding the baby. Send your partner with your baby for all nursery time, tests, or procedures. Most importantly, don't use the absense of pain as a excuse to not participate in labor. Remember you have a baby in your body making the most important journey possible, his or her entrance into the world. Likewise, you are experiencing one of the three times in your life as a woman that literally changes who you are. After birth your chemical makeup is never the same. So, don't be a passenger in your birth even if you are numb from the waist down. Find ways to be present and experience the experience.
We must protect birth. Because we live how we are born. Because peace on birth begins with birth. Because babies are incapable of protecting themselves. Because it's time we took our power back. Because birth is the most powerful healer in our realm. Because She-Ra woman power really does exist. But mostly...
Because birth is sacred...
Since I started birth work in 2002, I have come to view all naturally occuring things in the world through the eyes of birth. I look at butterflies and think of birth, I look at trees and think of birth. Everything has a beginning, and all beginnings are a birth. Something I figured out almost instantly doing birth work is that we live the way we are born. And why wouldn't we? Our entrance into this world is the first imprint on our consciousness. As hokey as it may sound, we spend the entire rest of our lives trying to recreate this first imprint in some way or another.
Because I am adopted, I didn't know anything about my own birth until a little over 5 years ago. Then I found out that my biological mother had to push a long time with me and I just wouldn't be born. Then I decided to come and came all in one fell swoop, so quickly that the doctor almost didn't catch me. Now, ask anyone who knows me well and you'll find out I'm eternally late, and I am incapable of making a quiet entrance. I always arrive with a gust of energy surrounding me. Likewise, I go through life in much the same way. I procrastinate to the point of it being scary, then at the last minute, I frenzy it done.
Some things about birth simply cannot be changed. Some babies will make whatever entrance they are going to make, we cannot control that in any way (nor should we want to). But why on earth do we feel the need to control so much about welcoming a tiny soul into our lives? When did birth become so unnatural that we feel the need to rush into the gloved hands of the doctor and the monotonous sound of the machines that go beep at the first sign of a contraction? (For my earthy birthy women, that's rhetorical...I know the answer.)
Here are some things I wish EVERY woman knew about birth. Whether she's having a baby or will never have a baby. Birth comes with the innate quality of the feminine, and I am of the belief that anyone who possess the feminine should take a responsibility for birth.
1. Almost EVERY woman is capable of having their baby 100% without intervention. Now I don't mean 3 our of every 4 women here, I'm talking about more than 9 out of every 10. More than 90 - 95% of women, if left alone in labor, require absolutely no outside intervention.
2. Most of the time when you hear (or say as the case may be), "Well if i hadn't been at the hospital, me or my baby would have died" it isn't true. More often than not, when an intervention is required in a birth, it is in response to another intervention that has been used. For example, a baby's heart rate plummets and fails to recover during a contraction and mom is rushed in for an "emergency" cesarean. Good thing the good ole' doctor was there...right? We won't mention that the mother had been given pitocin, had her water broken, and was confined to bed for nine hours before this happened. Oh, and she had an epidural.
3. Having a natural birth has absolutely nothing in the world to do with your ability or inability to tolerate pain. Birth is a different kind of "pain". It has a distinct purpose and is not constant. The powers that be were smart enough to design it that way because the dura mater of the spinal cord wasn't created as a pin cushion.
4. If you have been so unlucky to have experienced a birth in which your epidural did not take or didn't work completely, let me first say I am so very sorry for you. That is not intended with any hint of sarcasm either. But please, please do not think what you experienced is anything comparable to a birth where no medications have been used. You have experienced far worse. Let me explain why. In a natural labor your body creates endorphines which act as natural pain relievers. These wonderful little substances increase in production with each rise in the intensity of labor. The harder and faster the contractions, the more endorphines you get. But the minute outside pain relievers of any kind enter your body, endorphine production halts. So any pain your feel from that point on is magnified. Again, I'm so very sorry for you.
5. In a natural birth everything works perfectly. It takes a very important and very delicate coctail of hormones for birth and bonding to happen exactly as it was designed. Here's my favorite instance of that: immediately following birth mom's body releases HUGE amounts of oxytocin (the love hormone) and even greater amounts once she begins breastfeeding. This hormone induces a state of euphoria. I promise no drug in the world feels better than this hormone. At the exact same time, baby's body releases catecholomines (stress hormones). The end effect of this hormone coctail is a baby who needs and wants its mother desperately and a mother who is completely in love with her infant and has eyes for no other human being on Earth. How amazingly simple and yet beautiful at the same time.
6. Here's a few things that make contractions tolerable: moving around in labor, education in pregnancy, relaxation and calm in labor, knowing and remembering that you have HIRED your birth attendants (doctor, nurse, midwife, doula) and YOU are the one in control, low interference from outside sources (procedures, hands, lights, noises), belief in your body and ability by everyone around you (including the professionals). Remember, that's only a few.
7. You have complete right, protected under law, to refuse any and all procedures for you and your baby.
8. Don't automatically assume your birth professional is recommending an intervention or procedure because they truly believe it to be best. Sometimes it is simply the way they were trained and they are not comfortable stepping outside their comfort zone. A great example of this is inducing women before 40 weeks pregnancy. Doctors and midwives alike have made this a terrible practice, and I'd be willing to put money down that most of them have never experienced a postdates pregnancy. They were trained that something terrible happens after 40 weeks and therefore baby MUST come out before. With that, on to 9.
9. Due dates are anybody's best guess, EVEN with ultrasound. Babies decide when to initiate labor, that is their job. There isn't a switch in there that goes off at 40 weeks of pregnancy and all of a sudden everything stops working. Nutritionally sound mothers can continue to be pregnant for as long as necessary, until baby decides it's time. No baby ever stayed in forever.
10. Nutrition is hands down the most important part of pregnancy AND birth. Be realistic and be honest about what you're putting into your body. Protein is super important, it is the foundation of a healthy, well-formed, and well-attached placenta. So eat lots, as in 70-100 grams daily. Eat salt, but not table salt. Use sea salt or kosher salt and eat it daily in your food to your taste. Consume enough water, 64 oz. daily is minimal. The optimal amount is 1/2 of your body weight in ounces. (Ex.: a 165 lb woman needs roughly 82 oz. a day). And spread your water out through the day. Otherwise you will simply pee out what you're taking in. Include a good serving of leafy green veggies daily. Eat a salad if nothing else. The last thing is eat a colorful variety of fruits and veggies: blue, orange, red, yellow.
Now I don't expect this to convince everyone to have a natural birth. Life just doesn't work that way, no matter how capable I completely believe and know each woman to be. These are just things I wish I could make into a pamphlet and distribute to women the world over. Honestly, there's so much more, but you guys would be reading for days.
Also, women who choose to have a medicated birth need some tips too. Labor at home for as long as possible. Remember that saying yes to one intervention doesn't have to mean saying yes to all of them. Demand you hold your baby immediately. Everything they have to do right after birth can be done with you holding the baby. Send your partner with your baby for all nursery time, tests, or procedures. Most importantly, don't use the absense of pain as a excuse to not participate in labor. Remember you have a baby in your body making the most important journey possible, his or her entrance into the world. Likewise, you are experiencing one of the three times in your life as a woman that literally changes who you are. After birth your chemical makeup is never the same. So, don't be a passenger in your birth even if you are numb from the waist down. Find ways to be present and experience the experience.
We must protect birth. Because we live how we are born. Because peace on birth begins with birth. Because babies are incapable of protecting themselves. Because it's time we took our power back. Because birth is the most powerful healer in our realm. Because She-Ra woman power really does exist. But mostly...
Because birth is sacred...
Friday, October 26, 2007
For my fellow Mississippians
Personally, I think Hilary has made a grave political mistake. In an interview she is quoted as saying, "I was shocked when I learned Iowa and Mississippi have never elected a woman governor, senator or member of Congress. There has got to be something at work here." She went on to say, "How can Iowa be ranked with Mississippi? That's not the quality. That's not the communitarianism, that's not the openness I see in Iowa."
I'm wondering how such an educated woman can make such a careless statement? Regardless of the fact that Mississippi is historically a "red" state, she has managed to not only alienate our state but the entire south along with it. The South tends to link itself together. The deep South is generally though of as backwoods, ignorant, and behind the times. Now, I'll admit we are behind in terms of progressive thinking. Liberals in Mississippi aren't hard to come by, they simply aren't the majority. The issue is that this is the case in most Southern states. Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, sometimes Tennessee, and even the Carolinas are portrayed in the same light by Hollywood. People who have never visited the South are shocked when they come and discover civilization. I worked with a girl from Maine once whose family was completely surprised she had indoor plumbing and electricity and didn't have to drive to New Orleans to shop.
Beyond simply alienating a good portion of potential voters, Hilary has managed to destroy the confidence of people who stand to be under her leadership. Katrina is not a dim memory to those of use who experienced it. Federal response to a disaster of such proportions was sadly lacking, and this from a candidate we helped to put in office (oops). Point is, if "our" chosen leader will ignore our struggles with such careless abandon, what will the South look like if left up to a leader who doesn't even consider us worthy of considerate comments?
Let me also point out that we have never had a female gubernatorial candidate. We have, however, had two women elected to Mississippi's 2nd highest office, one who is still serving. Lt. Governor Amy Tuck is well respected throughout Mississippi, and although she is now affiliated with the Republican party, she was elected into office as a Democrat.
I am used to the disrespectful and ignorant attitudes of the country regarding Mississippi. We have been poorly portrayed for as long as I can remember, this I believe we are all used to. But when the politicians, especially those who stand a possibility of running this country, begin to not only view us in a bad light, but also speak of us in one, I do not see good things.
I'm wondering how such an educated woman can make such a careless statement? Regardless of the fact that Mississippi is historically a "red" state, she has managed to not only alienate our state but the entire south along with it. The South tends to link itself together. The deep South is generally though of as backwoods, ignorant, and behind the times. Now, I'll admit we are behind in terms of progressive thinking. Liberals in Mississippi aren't hard to come by, they simply aren't the majority. The issue is that this is the case in most Southern states. Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, sometimes Tennessee, and even the Carolinas are portrayed in the same light by Hollywood. People who have never visited the South are shocked when they come and discover civilization. I worked with a girl from Maine once whose family was completely surprised she had indoor plumbing and electricity and didn't have to drive to New Orleans to shop.
Beyond simply alienating a good portion of potential voters, Hilary has managed to destroy the confidence of people who stand to be under her leadership. Katrina is not a dim memory to those of use who experienced it. Federal response to a disaster of such proportions was sadly lacking, and this from a candidate we helped to put in office (oops). Point is, if "our" chosen leader will ignore our struggles with such careless abandon, what will the South look like if left up to a leader who doesn't even consider us worthy of considerate comments?
Let me also point out that we have never had a female gubernatorial candidate. We have, however, had two women elected to Mississippi's 2nd highest office, one who is still serving. Lt. Governor Amy Tuck is well respected throughout Mississippi, and although she is now affiliated with the Republican party, she was elected into office as a Democrat.
I am used to the disrespectful and ignorant attitudes of the country regarding Mississippi. We have been poorly portrayed for as long as I can remember, this I believe we are all used to. But when the politicians, especially those who stand a possibility of running this country, begin to not only view us in a bad light, but also speak of us in one, I do not see good things.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Go ahead - drive
Let me being with a few words from Ani, who is (I'm convinced) the most talented lyricist of our time.
i was a long time coming
i'll be a long time gone
you've got your whole life to do something
and that's not very long
so why don't you give me a call
when you're willing to fight
for what you think is real
for what you think is right
I was thinking yesterday as I was driving, aka my Ani time, about legacies. We all have them and we all leave them. Sometimes we come into a wonderful legacy and leave the world with a decidedly worse one. Others, and this is my aspiration, we come into a legacy of the not so great and leave behind one that the word improvement cannot begin to touch. The legacy I came into was, to put it mildly, desperation. My birth family was (and is) riddled with illness both physical and mental, drugs, abandonment, and heartache. My mom and dad (who adopted me), while wonderful people, were desperate for a child and had suffered many losses of many varities over the years of working toward parenthood. Needless to say, I had no shoes and yet very large shoes to fill all at once. A long time coming...yep that was me. We all are, really. Generations upon generations before us set up for our arrival. And our mark is left for generations to follow. What we're leaving though, that's another story.
It occurred to me as I followed this highway of thought how easily I've fit into this generation I was born into. This isn't the first time I've thought this, but I'm glad to have lived in the years I have. We have gotten to witness so much history and change, some wonderful and some terrible. But, with each new generation there comes more change...as we all know change is inevitable. Each of us make a mark on the world, even if by affecting one single person...that person is marked and will go on to mark others. Boom. Your mark is made.
As a parent, I'm more than aware that my greatest chance at leaving a mark is through my children. I am no one spectacular. But I am raising my children, I hope, to believe in what I have to offer - to grab ahold of my legacy. What I am aiming for that legacy to be is this...and you must hear me out...feminism. I'm not talking about that canned version of girl power Shee-Ra women are better than men version thing. I don't mean woman's rights or equality, although those things are plenty important. What I want to hand down is appreciation of the feminine, and more importantly understanding. I want to empower my daughters, who will empower theirs, who will empower theirs, and so on. I also hope to pass this through my work to my clients and pretty much any woman open to receiving it. Possession of the femine nature is powerful, all we have to do is grab it.
I don't know how my time gone will be. I know we are all a long time gone...that has to be the greatest truth I've ever heard. I have been handed down legacies from generations ago. Those molded southern women who lived in their old southern homes, rocked on their old southern porches, and died in their old southern beds. I hope in a few generations the grandchildren of my children will remember my legacy. I hope they will know of my battle scars and remember birth and rebirth that comes with being feminine. I hope the daughters that follow long after me never let themselves be brought down by social ideas and pressures. And I hope the sons never seek to bring them down.
For the beautiful babies I have seen enter this world, as they are such an intrical part of my mark, I hope they go through life exactly as they were born - gently, with love, and never choosing violent intervention when careful watching will do.
No, this legacy wasn't what I was born into. We aren't always a long time coming and gone in the same ways. Which, leads me perfectly to my closing quote by (of course) Ani.
and i was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range
So, go ahead...drive. Live your own life and make one hell of a legacy in the process.
i was a long time coming
i'll be a long time gone
you've got your whole life to do something
and that's not very long
so why don't you give me a call
when you're willing to fight
for what you think is real
for what you think is right
I was thinking yesterday as I was driving, aka my Ani time, about legacies. We all have them and we all leave them. Sometimes we come into a wonderful legacy and leave the world with a decidedly worse one. Others, and this is my aspiration, we come into a legacy of the not so great and leave behind one that the word improvement cannot begin to touch. The legacy I came into was, to put it mildly, desperation. My birth family was (and is) riddled with illness both physical and mental, drugs, abandonment, and heartache. My mom and dad (who adopted me), while wonderful people, were desperate for a child and had suffered many losses of many varities over the years of working toward parenthood. Needless to say, I had no shoes and yet very large shoes to fill all at once. A long time coming...yep that was me. We all are, really. Generations upon generations before us set up for our arrival. And our mark is left for generations to follow. What we're leaving though, that's another story.
It occurred to me as I followed this highway of thought how easily I've fit into this generation I was born into. This isn't the first time I've thought this, but I'm glad to have lived in the years I have. We have gotten to witness so much history and change, some wonderful and some terrible. But, with each new generation there comes more change...as we all know change is inevitable. Each of us make a mark on the world, even if by affecting one single person...that person is marked and will go on to mark others. Boom. Your mark is made.
As a parent, I'm more than aware that my greatest chance at leaving a mark is through my children. I am no one spectacular. But I am raising my children, I hope, to believe in what I have to offer - to grab ahold of my legacy. What I am aiming for that legacy to be is this...and you must hear me out...feminism. I'm not talking about that canned version of girl power Shee-Ra women are better than men version thing. I don't mean woman's rights or equality, although those things are plenty important. What I want to hand down is appreciation of the feminine, and more importantly understanding. I want to empower my daughters, who will empower theirs, who will empower theirs, and so on. I also hope to pass this through my work to my clients and pretty much any woman open to receiving it. Possession of the femine nature is powerful, all we have to do is grab it.
I don't know how my time gone will be. I know we are all a long time gone...that has to be the greatest truth I've ever heard. I have been handed down legacies from generations ago. Those molded southern women who lived in their old southern homes, rocked on their old southern porches, and died in their old southern beds. I hope in a few generations the grandchildren of my children will remember my legacy. I hope they will know of my battle scars and remember birth and rebirth that comes with being feminine. I hope the daughters that follow long after me never let themselves be brought down by social ideas and pressures. And I hope the sons never seek to bring them down.
For the beautiful babies I have seen enter this world, as they are such an intrical part of my mark, I hope they go through life exactly as they were born - gently, with love, and never choosing violent intervention when careful watching will do.
No, this legacy wasn't what I was born into. We aren't always a long time coming and gone in the same ways. Which, leads me perfectly to my closing quote by (of course) Ani.
and i was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range
So, go ahead...drive. Live your own life and make one hell of a legacy in the process.
Friday, October 12, 2007
So I'm wondering...
Can you really say that you hate drama if drama seems to follow you?
If everybody thinks you're really a bad ass person, does that actually make you one?
How can a person be one way in one situation and completely different in another?
Why does age really make a person so different?
Why do we claim to want answers to questions we really don't want?
Are we all as complicated as we like to think we are?
How many licks does it take?
I mean really, any answers people?
If everybody thinks you're really a bad ass person, does that actually make you one?
How can a person be one way in one situation and completely different in another?
Why does age really make a person so different?
Why do we claim to want answers to questions we really don't want?
Are we all as complicated as we like to think we are?
How many licks does it take?
I mean really, any answers people?
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Congratulations to meet you
I am reading this really great book right now by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat Pray Live. Yesterday I came across something in the book that I knew I would need to share. This book is about this lady's (Elizabeth's) nine month journey in three different countries. She lives for three months in Italy, in an Ahsram in India, and with a monk in Indionesia looking for peace and spiritual growth. She embarks on this journey after a nasty divorce closely followed by parting ways with a lover whom she had fallen in love with immediately after her marriage. While talking with a friend at the Ashram about the lover, she tells him that she believed the former lover to be her soul mate. And this is what he told her:
"People think a soul mate is a perfect fit...but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. And thank God for it."
How amazingly insightful this was. I am of the belief that no one on this Earth has only one soul mate. I believe we each have many walking around in the world who we might or might not come across at different points in our lives. They may present to us in the form of a lover, a spouse, a friend, or even a stranger. I have been fortunate enough to encounter a handful of true soul mates over the years. The thing is, it always hurts like hell to have to let them go. But this, this eased some past pain I was holding on to.
Because each of these people have caused me to change. They have caused me to examine something in myself and spark forward motion in my life. And if this forward motion occurs, and I am a better person because of their presence in my life, then losing them isn't really a loss. Their presence was merely a catalyst and they have served their purpose. And Liz's friend, Richard from Texas, is right. To hang on to them forever would be more pain than a person can tolerate. We would forever remain stuck in repeating cycles of whatever was supposed to start the internal change without ever changing.
Now, I feel compelled to add one more thing here. I do have a few soul mates still present in my life. Some are newer than others, and my relationships with them are constantly being defined and redefined. Painful? Hell yes, sometimes it is. But love is painful, I've learned.
Anyway, like I said, this beautiful little insight Mr. Richard from Texas was kind enough to share with Liz offered me a little healing and growth. I thought it might do the same for some of you.
Love and light, beautiful people.
"People think a soul mate is a perfect fit...but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. And thank God for it."
How amazingly insightful this was. I am of the belief that no one on this Earth has only one soul mate. I believe we each have many walking around in the world who we might or might not come across at different points in our lives. They may present to us in the form of a lover, a spouse, a friend, or even a stranger. I have been fortunate enough to encounter a handful of true soul mates over the years. The thing is, it always hurts like hell to have to let them go. But this, this eased some past pain I was holding on to.
Because each of these people have caused me to change. They have caused me to examine something in myself and spark forward motion in my life. And if this forward motion occurs, and I am a better person because of their presence in my life, then losing them isn't really a loss. Their presence was merely a catalyst and they have served their purpose. And Liz's friend, Richard from Texas, is right. To hang on to them forever would be more pain than a person can tolerate. We would forever remain stuck in repeating cycles of whatever was supposed to start the internal change without ever changing.
Now, I feel compelled to add one more thing here. I do have a few soul mates still present in my life. Some are newer than others, and my relationships with them are constantly being defined and redefined. Painful? Hell yes, sometimes it is. But love is painful, I've learned.
Anyway, like I said, this beautiful little insight Mr. Richard from Texas was kind enough to share with Liz offered me a little healing and growth. I thought it might do the same for some of you.
Love and light, beautiful people.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Pass the potatoes, please
With both of my September births behind me, I feel a kind of relief, excitement, and a wave of something fresh in the air. The births were both beautiful, each in their own right. Both moms were strong and amazing, as each birthing woman is to me. I will forever be changed by these two little souls entering the world, as each before has changed me and each to follow will. I will not tell their stories here, because those stories do not belong to me to tell. But I am proud. And tired. :) But much more proud.
Birth always makes me think. Sometimes those thoughts are strange. But, hey, really strange thoughts are nothing new for me. These two births have made me realize something. I have gotten older. And with age, I have gotten wiser. Thank the beautiful Goddess I have finally gotten wiser. For the first time in a very long time I feel in control of myself and wise. I am fulfilled and content. Wow, imagine that.
Here's an analogy that came to me tonight that I'd like to share. People are like food. Some people are like the salad that is served before the meal. You pick at them for the pieces you like, the pieces that are good to you, and leave the rest. The salad doesn't ever fill you up, really it doesn't do anything at all for your hunger, and may even wind up only pissing you off.
Others are side dishes. They look pretty on your plate and usually even taste really good. But you are better off not having too much of them, or else you may not have room for the good stuff.
Then there's the people who are like dessert - amazingly tempting and wonderful in small quantities. You should always have dessert from time to time, by all means a little indulgence is a delicious thing, but too much can do you in.
Then...aaah then...there's the best part - the main course. The meat and potatoes to those of us Southerners. It fills you up, sustains you and gives you energy to continue until your next meal. These are the people that make life so wonderfully worth living.
It's nice to think I'm somebody's meat and potatoes.
To S & J, thank you for inviting me to share in such an amazing and intimate time in your lives. To Ezra & Wyatt, thank you for allowing me to welcome you the moment your souls entered this Earth. May your journey here be as worthwhile and fulfilling as you have helped mine to be.
Birth always makes me think. Sometimes those thoughts are strange. But, hey, really strange thoughts are nothing new for me. These two births have made me realize something. I have gotten older. And with age, I have gotten wiser. Thank the beautiful Goddess I have finally gotten wiser. For the first time in a very long time I feel in control of myself and wise. I am fulfilled and content. Wow, imagine that.
Here's an analogy that came to me tonight that I'd like to share. People are like food. Some people are like the salad that is served before the meal. You pick at them for the pieces you like, the pieces that are good to you, and leave the rest. The salad doesn't ever fill you up, really it doesn't do anything at all for your hunger, and may even wind up only pissing you off.
Others are side dishes. They look pretty on your plate and usually even taste really good. But you are better off not having too much of them, or else you may not have room for the good stuff.
Then there's the people who are like dessert - amazingly tempting and wonderful in small quantities. You should always have dessert from time to time, by all means a little indulgence is a delicious thing, but too much can do you in.
Then...aaah then...there's the best part - the main course. The meat and potatoes to those of us Southerners. It fills you up, sustains you and gives you energy to continue until your next meal. These are the people that make life so wonderfully worth living.
It's nice to think I'm somebody's meat and potatoes.
To S & J, thank you for inviting me to share in such an amazing and intimate time in your lives. To Ezra & Wyatt, thank you for allowing me to welcome you the moment your souls entered this Earth. May your journey here be as worthwhile and fulfilling as you have helped mine to be.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Oh the woes of parenting
Recently I've become more and more aware of how quickly my baby girl is growing up. I mean I've watched her before, seen the clothes become too small in what feels like a day's time, watched her hair that started as shirly temple curls piled up on her head now reach in amazingly beautiful tendrils down her back, heard the talk about boys and friends at school. She's only 6 (seven in a little over a month) but the hardest part about not homeschooling is that the growing up happens so painfully quick.
I've recently accepted that I am in the very near future going to have to talk to her about female cycles. Little girls are starting their periods younger and younger and it is important to me that she hears correct information from home rather than from some other confused kid. All of this is part of the growing up.
So today after her nap she went to hug me and somehow my nose was level with her armpit and much to my horror I noticed an odor. Armpit smellies on my not-quite-seven-year-old daughter! Gasp! So I did some research and there are theories that sometimes it's what their eating (thanks Janet for the specific suggestions) or that this happens in overweight children (she isn't even close to being overweight lol). But mostly, the concensus is that this just happens sometimes. Doesn't seem to be an indicator of early puberty either. So I told her it was time to have nightly baths (we normally do every other night) and that she would need to start wearing deodorant. This, of course, she loves.
Then, to add to my sadness of how quickly she's growing, she decided to take her first ever alone shower. We just got the alone bathing down! But she did it and she was so proud.
I am so proud too. I want my children to grow up, really I do. I love the thought of watching them grow into independent beings and see who they turn out to be. Whoever that is, of course, I will have more pride in than imaginable. But this, this is the bittersweet part. Because as much as I want to watch them grow, nothing has ever hurt as bad as the letting go. And it starts when they're babies. We have to let go a centimeter at a time to let them walk, to let them make friends, to let them start school, to let them start visiting the friends they've made. Each little bit we let go is closer to independence and further from those days we could wrap them up and keep them protected from the big, wide world. For now, she's so small I fill her entire line of vision. I can conquer the world as far as she is concerned. And it's the now, that beautiful now, that I am going to relish in.
I've recently accepted that I am in the very near future going to have to talk to her about female cycles. Little girls are starting their periods younger and younger and it is important to me that she hears correct information from home rather than from some other confused kid. All of this is part of the growing up.
So today after her nap she went to hug me and somehow my nose was level with her armpit and much to my horror I noticed an odor. Armpit smellies on my not-quite-seven-year-old daughter! Gasp! So I did some research and there are theories that sometimes it's what their eating (thanks Janet for the specific suggestions) or that this happens in overweight children (she isn't even close to being overweight lol). But mostly, the concensus is that this just happens sometimes. Doesn't seem to be an indicator of early puberty either. So I told her it was time to have nightly baths (we normally do every other night) and that she would need to start wearing deodorant. This, of course, she loves.
Then, to add to my sadness of how quickly she's growing, she decided to take her first ever alone shower. We just got the alone bathing down! But she did it and she was so proud.
I am so proud too. I want my children to grow up, really I do. I love the thought of watching them grow into independent beings and see who they turn out to be. Whoever that is, of course, I will have more pride in than imaginable. But this, this is the bittersweet part. Because as much as I want to watch them grow, nothing has ever hurt as bad as the letting go. And it starts when they're babies. We have to let go a centimeter at a time to let them walk, to let them make friends, to let them start school, to let them start visiting the friends they've made. Each little bit we let go is closer to independence and further from those days we could wrap them up and keep them protected from the big, wide world. For now, she's so small I fill her entire line of vision. I can conquer the world as far as she is concerned. And it's the now, that beautiful now, that I am going to relish in.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
My idea of feminism...
I've read so many perceptions on feminism that are all about supposed female power. But this power is talked about to make women equal to, or sometimes better than, men. It is about equal rights, independence, and acceptance. The old adage of women can do anything men can do backwards and with heels on. Women think other women who choose to stay home and raise their children are weak because of these attitudes. We fought our way out of the home, out of the kitchen, why would we choose to be back there?
I don't see feminism in this way. To me, feminine power isn't about voting, equal pay, power positions, and business meetings. Feminism is about exactly that: the feminine. The possession of a womb. The power of giving life.
Women are the only ones who possess that ability. Men were afraid of that, the mystery of the womb they didn't understand. The place in our bodies that cultivates life. The empty space that gives way to a man's greatest pleasure: our cunts. They didn't understand these spaces. They didn't understand the processes that in our bodies miracously take place month in and out. This unknown, this fear, is what forced us into the home. This is why we had to fight our way out.
Long, long ago; long before our societies were formed; women were in power. We were revered. Our cunts were literally worshipped and we were the leaders. Women taught spiritual matters, which were interwoven with sexual matters. Girl power had a whole new meaning.
I love being a women. I am thankful for a Creator who chose to instill those abilities of the feminine with us. It is this version of feminism I wish more of us could accept. Rather than seek out acceptance in spite of not owning a penis, demand respect because of our cunts. Demand that soctiety and doctors and husbands and fathers revere us BECAUSE we can give life. Whether we choose to use that ability, or for whatever reason that ability is no longer ours, we are feminine. That feminism means the ability is ours, all of ours, innately. And the power that comes with it is inalienable. As long as we don't allow it to be alienated.
I don't see feminism in this way. To me, feminine power isn't about voting, equal pay, power positions, and business meetings. Feminism is about exactly that: the feminine. The possession of a womb. The power of giving life.
Women are the only ones who possess that ability. Men were afraid of that, the mystery of the womb they didn't understand. The place in our bodies that cultivates life. The empty space that gives way to a man's greatest pleasure: our cunts. They didn't understand these spaces. They didn't understand the processes that in our bodies miracously take place month in and out. This unknown, this fear, is what forced us into the home. This is why we had to fight our way out.
Long, long ago; long before our societies were formed; women were in power. We were revered. Our cunts were literally worshipped and we were the leaders. Women taught spiritual matters, which were interwoven with sexual matters. Girl power had a whole new meaning.
I love being a women. I am thankful for a Creator who chose to instill those abilities of the feminine with us. It is this version of feminism I wish more of us could accept. Rather than seek out acceptance in spite of not owning a penis, demand respect because of our cunts. Demand that soctiety and doctors and husbands and fathers revere us BECAUSE we can give life. Whether we choose to use that ability, or for whatever reason that ability is no longer ours, we are feminine. That feminism means the ability is ours, all of ours, innately. And the power that comes with it is inalienable. As long as we don't allow it to be alienated.
Monday, September 3, 2007
It's all about me...
So Happy Labor Day.
We spent the day with friends and our kiddos. I was sitting her thinking, just now, that I'm not entirely sure I even know what Labor Day is about. I mean, unlike my daughter, I knew it wasn't about Jesus. But, not exactly sure on the whole meaning. So I looked it up. Turns out I did know what it is about. Not that difficult to figure out actually.
Of course, to those of us with children "Labor Day" means something completely different. And ever since giving birth, especially naturally, I can't help but think of Labor Day that way. As if everyone should be celebrating me and the mighty power of my uterus. I'd like a special federal holiday declared for that if it's not too much trouble.
I think I will go eat cake now and celebrate my uterus. Anyone care to join me?
We spent the day with friends and our kiddos. I was sitting her thinking, just now, that I'm not entirely sure I even know what Labor Day is about. I mean, unlike my daughter, I knew it wasn't about Jesus. But, not exactly sure on the whole meaning. So I looked it up. Turns out I did know what it is about. Not that difficult to figure out actually.
Of course, to those of us with children "Labor Day" means something completely different. And ever since giving birth, especially naturally, I can't help but think of Labor Day that way. As if everyone should be celebrating me and the mighty power of my uterus. I'd like a special federal holiday declared for that if it's not too much trouble.
I think I will go eat cake now and celebrate my uterus. Anyone care to join me?
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I think this line's mostly filler
There are moments in life upon which all other moments hinge. They forever change you, shape you, make you belong to them. These moments can be good, happy, sad, poignant, honest. They are the moments you reflect on when time comes for reflection. They alter your whole mood, give direction in life, and change everything all at once.
And then there are all the other moments. The filler moments. These are the ones we overlook all too often. It might be a day of sunshine, the smell of the grass just after it's mowed, the laughter of children, a simple conversation with a friend, or the smile of a stranger. We let these moments pass, swift and fleeting, while we are waiting for another life altering moment to come along. Sad to think of just how much we miss that way. Like the little lines in the middle of the highway flying beneath us in a blur as we drive to our next destination, the filler moments of life just tick tick tick by and we never even stop to notice.
I've had both kinds of moments in recent weeks. I've had the forever changing ones, sweet and easy to savor for what they have offered; and I've had the fillers. Of course, much more filler moments than the other, but that's what is so great about it. I've realized, if I can just stop and enjoy the filler, I'll be enjoying so much more of my life than if I'm just waiting on the next big moment.
Without filler, there'd only be empty space.
And then there are all the other moments. The filler moments. These are the ones we overlook all too often. It might be a day of sunshine, the smell of the grass just after it's mowed, the laughter of children, a simple conversation with a friend, or the smile of a stranger. We let these moments pass, swift and fleeting, while we are waiting for another life altering moment to come along. Sad to think of just how much we miss that way. Like the little lines in the middle of the highway flying beneath us in a blur as we drive to our next destination, the filler moments of life just tick tick tick by and we never even stop to notice.
I've had both kinds of moments in recent weeks. I've had the forever changing ones, sweet and easy to savor for what they have offered; and I've had the fillers. Of course, much more filler moments than the other, but that's what is so great about it. I've realized, if I can just stop and enjoy the filler, I'll be enjoying so much more of my life than if I'm just waiting on the next big moment.
Without filler, there'd only be empty space.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
Oh how easily amused I am. My entire night has been sheer amusement.
It started plainly enough with a trip to Wal-Mart. I knew in the parking lot the trip would be interesting seeing as how I am in the middle of the female plague and was left without a tampon. Should be an easy fix since we were at the getting place, but I am cheap and refused to buy a whole box seeing as how I am fully stocked here at home. So I opted to try the machine in the girls' bathroom. No big. Unless they're out. AND it takes your quarter. My newest and perhaps coolest friend was with me and when she emerged from her stall she found me with my arm elbow deep up the tampon machine. So, she pops the lock and I happily get my quarter back.
Next, on our second trip of the evening to Wal-Mart, we were walking around and spotted the most gorgeous set of eyes I have seen possibly to date. So, of course we stalked him. Fast forward to picking out weiners, the edible kind perverts, and I noticed the most pleasant smell lingering around. I quickly realized the pleasing aroma was coming from the older gentleman standing in front of me. Of course, I HAD to tell him how great he smelled. To which he replied, "Uh, okay" and exited the area as quickly as possible. I had to fight the urge to randomly walk up behind him and sniff.
Then we went to get dinner. Fried Chicken. Dude came to the window to give us the food, for which I was ready to exchange my debit card. After his blank stare at my offer for monetary goods in payment for his edible goods he said there would be someone there to take our payment. So we sat. And we sat. Chicken and money in hand. Finally we drove off. Still with chicken and money.
Things accomplished today:
1. Break into tampon machine - check
2. Stalk random people around Wal-Mart - check
3. Gank some chicken - check
Good times. Good times.
It started plainly enough with a trip to Wal-Mart. I knew in the parking lot the trip would be interesting seeing as how I am in the middle of the female plague and was left without a tampon. Should be an easy fix since we were at the getting place, but I am cheap and refused to buy a whole box seeing as how I am fully stocked here at home. So I opted to try the machine in the girls' bathroom. No big. Unless they're out. AND it takes your quarter. My newest and perhaps coolest friend was with me and when she emerged from her stall she found me with my arm elbow deep up the tampon machine. So, she pops the lock and I happily get my quarter back.
Next, on our second trip of the evening to Wal-Mart, we were walking around and spotted the most gorgeous set of eyes I have seen possibly to date. So, of course we stalked him. Fast forward to picking out weiners, the edible kind perverts, and I noticed the most pleasant smell lingering around. I quickly realized the pleasing aroma was coming from the older gentleman standing in front of me. Of course, I HAD to tell him how great he smelled. To which he replied, "Uh, okay" and exited the area as quickly as possible. I had to fight the urge to randomly walk up behind him and sniff.
Then we went to get dinner. Fried Chicken. Dude came to the window to give us the food, for which I was ready to exchange my debit card. After his blank stare at my offer for monetary goods in payment for his edible goods he said there would be someone there to take our payment. So we sat. And we sat. Chicken and money in hand. Finally we drove off. Still with chicken and money.
Things accomplished today:
1. Break into tampon machine - check
2. Stalk random people around Wal-Mart - check
3. Gank some chicken - check
Good times. Good times.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The 'ship difference
That was after quite a few times in recent weeks I've found myself in a conversation with someone or other about friendships and relationships; the differences, the similarities. And per usual, my views on the subject are probably in the minority. Which, is completely ok by me. But I'll share them anyway.
Relationships and friendships are essentially the same beast, with one difference: sex.
Both require intimacy, trust, honesty, and integrity. Either a relationship or friendship that is missing any of the aforementioned isn't worth the time. Relationships are friendships with the sex. Friendships are relationships without the sex.
Now, one very noteworthy exception to this is that sometimes friendships with the sex are simply friendships with the sex. Any level of friendship can include sex without being comprimised if handled with finesse and care. But, be warned, the more intimate the friendship with the sex, the harder the finesse and care come.
Both are important to me. Relationships, friendships. It's all the same. I'm ecstatic that my life is full of all levels of these monsters that control even the silliest of our emotions. I hope to keep adding on until I'm all out of emotions, then perhaps I'll start all over.
Just kidding. Or am I?
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Good in Bed
So, tonight as I was browsing through some Zodiac graphics, I noticed that absolutely all of them said something to the effect of being good in bed.
"Good in bed"
"Great in bed"
"Freak in bed"
I got to wondering, can every single person actually be good in bed? I mean, I've personally had some experiences that weren't so good so there's the answer to that question. Everyone isn't good in bed. So how, then, does one determine if they are among that elite? Just because you absolutely rock the world of one person certainly doesn't make you great at the sex.
But I can't really think of anyone who doesn't think they aren't absolutely the shit in bed. I have not ever heard one person say, "I'm a terrible lay, you should just move on now." Although, that might be incredibly entertaining to hear.
I was just amused, which doesn't take much, and thought I'd share.
Thoughts anyone?
"Good in bed"
"Great in bed"
"Freak in bed"
I got to wondering, can every single person actually be good in bed? I mean, I've personally had some experiences that weren't so good so there's the answer to that question. Everyone isn't good in bed. So how, then, does one determine if they are among that elite? Just because you absolutely rock the world of one person certainly doesn't make you great at the sex.
But I can't really think of anyone who doesn't think they aren't absolutely the shit in bed. I have not ever heard one person say, "I'm a terrible lay, you should just move on now." Although, that might be incredibly entertaining to hear.
I was just amused, which doesn't take much, and thought I'd share.
Thoughts anyone?
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Wait, what now??
So I was reading a book yesterday, basically because I was desperate for something to read and it was all I had that hadn't been read. It was an alright book, but I am also a very picky reader. Anyway, I'm not here to tell you about the book per se, rather something in the book that sparked a thought.
The plot centered around a "fat" woman who was turning her life around. This, of course, included getting thin and fit. Now, while I will hand it to the author for capturing many of the emotions of being overweight, I am almost tempted to write her and let her know what a healthy body image is. The poor lady in the book started at a size 16, which by the standards indicated was FAT, FAT, FAT. She also counted her fat rolls, which I found quite amusing, going down the backside of her body - which totaled 9 when she began her life transformation.
Now first of all, is a size 16 seriously FAT, FAT, FAT???? If it is, good goddess I am afraid to think of what I am! Hello people???!!!!! The average size of women in America is a size 14. And most of those women don't look fat, fat, fat at all. Now I know we have a weight problem in America. A fitness crisis, if you will. I understand that most people have no concept on nutrition and big bads like heart disease and Type II diabetes are occuring in staggering numbers. I know that is an issue. All I am saying is, do we have to degrade each other by saying, look at your body and see how ugly it is? Second of all, I've seen LOTS of bodies. And I have never seen 9 fat rolls going down a backside, especially not on a size 16 frame! Or even a size 18, 20, etc. frame for that matter!
I have always thought curves were much sexier than no curves. I personally think the most beautiful part of a woman's body is probably the part most hate - the curve of the hip where it rises from the stomach above into the thigh below. I wish we could learn to appreciate these beautiful bodies we have, including the imperfections. Why aren't we motivated to change our bodies for health reasons, not for appearance? I'd love to see women (and men) out there working to get healthy, not working to keep up with the thin people in the world.
I'll tell you a secret about thin people, they have insecurities too. And many of them have an even worse distorted body image than overweight people do.
And we want to be thin so bad, we throw away the healthy to get there. We don't eat, we skip meals, we make ourselves miserable all for the sake of achieving the perfect size. And if we'd just strive for health we'd feel better, look better, and live better.
It just makes me sad that so many beautiful people out there feel so flawed. And their feelings are only perpetuated by the airbrushed models and attitudes like in the book I just got done reading.
The plot centered around a "fat" woman who was turning her life around. This, of course, included getting thin and fit. Now, while I will hand it to the author for capturing many of the emotions of being overweight, I am almost tempted to write her and let her know what a healthy body image is. The poor lady in the book started at a size 16, which by the standards indicated was FAT, FAT, FAT. She also counted her fat rolls, which I found quite amusing, going down the backside of her body - which totaled 9 when she began her life transformation.
Now first of all, is a size 16 seriously FAT, FAT, FAT???? If it is, good goddess I am afraid to think of what I am! Hello people???!!!!! The average size of women in America is a size 14. And most of those women don't look fat, fat, fat at all. Now I know we have a weight problem in America. A fitness crisis, if you will. I understand that most people have no concept on nutrition and big bads like heart disease and Type II diabetes are occuring in staggering numbers. I know that is an issue. All I am saying is, do we have to degrade each other by saying, look at your body and see how ugly it is? Second of all, I've seen LOTS of bodies. And I have never seen 9 fat rolls going down a backside, especially not on a size 16 frame! Or even a size 18, 20, etc. frame for that matter!
I have always thought curves were much sexier than no curves. I personally think the most beautiful part of a woman's body is probably the part most hate - the curve of the hip where it rises from the stomach above into the thigh below. I wish we could learn to appreciate these beautiful bodies we have, including the imperfections. Why aren't we motivated to change our bodies for health reasons, not for appearance? I'd love to see women (and men) out there working to get healthy, not working to keep up with the thin people in the world.
I'll tell you a secret about thin people, they have insecurities too. And many of them have an even worse distorted body image than overweight people do.
And we want to be thin so bad, we throw away the healthy to get there. We don't eat, we skip meals, we make ourselves miserable all for the sake of achieving the perfect size. And if we'd just strive for health we'd feel better, look better, and live better.
It just makes me sad that so many beautiful people out there feel so flawed. And their feelings are only perpetuated by the airbrushed models and attitudes like in the book I just got done reading.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
The best thing I learned about orgasms today
So I was reading this book called The Birth House (for all you birth junkies out there it's great, go read). And it was talking about a diagnosis doctors used to give women, hysteria. Basically, the good old docs said that when a woman took too much on herself she would develop hysteria. This could only be cured by the laborsome chore of massaging the poor woman's genitals (called "pelvic massage") into "hysterical paroxysm." AKA mind-blowing orgasm.
This was a horrible chore for a doctor to have to endure. His hand would often ache and become tired or cramped. Of course, this treatment was only recommended to single women, spinsters, or widows. Married women were just told to go home and bang their husbands.
Because of the widespread nature of this affliction, the first vibrator was marketed. Doctors were, of course, overjoyed to be rid of the cursed hour of cramped hands that ended in afterglow. This little wonder called the vibrator took that job down to ten minutes! And the good doctors were able to write their charts afterward, on account of the no hand crampies and all.
Poor women. Thank heavens the good doctors were there to deliver them from hysteria.
This was a horrible chore for a doctor to have to endure. His hand would often ache and become tired or cramped. Of course, this treatment was only recommended to single women, spinsters, or widows. Married women were just told to go home and bang their husbands.
Because of the widespread nature of this affliction, the first vibrator was marketed. Doctors were, of course, overjoyed to be rid of the cursed hour of cramped hands that ended in afterglow. This little wonder called the vibrator took that job down to ten minutes! And the good doctors were able to write their charts afterward, on account of the no hand crampies and all.
Poor women. Thank heavens the good doctors were there to deliver them from hysteria.
Friday, July 6, 2007
You silly lesbians
So I just got through reading a story covering Bill O'Reilly's piece on "pistol-packing lesbians".
Let me give you the highlights:
Pink pistols
Gays Taking Over (GTO)
Dykes Taking Over (DTO) - coincidentally my favorite
Young girls being assaulted and "recruited" in to the gay lifestyle
Straight men being randomly attacked
And apparently, this a NATIONWIDE epidemic. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!
This reminds me so much of that game we all played as kids. Rumor. Where you sit in a circle and whisper something to the person next to you, they whisper it to the person next to them, so on and so on then the last person says it outloud and it is completely different than how it began. The whole thing just seems like a sad cross between Thelma & Louise and some lesbian movie and I'm sure exists.
And really? Who honestly believes there are huge groups of dykes going around attacking young girls and STRAIGHT men. I mean really.
As silly as the story is, I have to say this one line made the entire thing worth reading.
Gasp! There are actually lesbians who carry pistols?! I mean because they would never have a need for personal protection. What will they do next? Silly lesbians with their pink pistol hijinks.
I'm in complete awe that this man still has viewers.
Let me give you the highlights:
Pink pistols
Gays Taking Over (GTO)
Dykes Taking Over (DTO) - coincidentally my favorite
Young girls being assaulted and "recruited" in to the gay lifestyle
Straight men being randomly attacked
And apparently, this a NATIONWIDE epidemic. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!
This reminds me so much of that game we all played as kids. Rumor. Where you sit in a circle and whisper something to the person next to you, they whisper it to the person next to them, so on and so on then the last person says it outloud and it is completely different than how it began. The whole thing just seems like a sad cross between Thelma & Louise and some lesbian movie and I'm sure exists.
And really? Who honestly believes there are huge groups of dykes going around attacking young girls and STRAIGHT men. I mean really.
As silly as the story is, I have to say this one line made the entire thing worth reading.
And these are lesbians that actually carry pistols.
Gasp! There are actually lesbians who carry pistols?! I mean because they would never have a need for personal protection. What will they do next? Silly lesbians with their pink pistol hijinks.
I'm in complete awe that this man still has viewers.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
A blog about pride
It's funny to me how torn I am writing this blog again this year. There are a multitude of reasons, but mainly it is because I want to make sure I can convey my feelings well. This topic is very important to me, it's close to home. Most importantly, I want to make sure that anyone in the gay community who happens to read will feel a sense of....yep that's right, PRIDE.
Last year I wrote a pride blog on a challenge given in a LGBT blog group for, well, obviously folks of the gay persuasion; as well as friends, family, and just plain ole' supporters of gays. It was a great blogging group, but it went away. Still, I figured I should challenge myself again this year. So, let's do this, shall we?
Last year I said, I can only say what pride means to me. And really, that is all I can do. But as I grow and change, I think I gain more understanding. Or, at least I hope I do. So, maybe my perception has changed some.
I suppose I could tell you that pride is all about equal rights. Equality the queer community so deserves to have. It is hard for me to understand why we in this country, the land of the free after all, have to fight so hard for basic human rights. The black community did it, women did it, and now the gay community is doing it. I have no doubt that their battle will be won, that's what happens here. Get enough people to care and you can do anything. But that's not what pride is about, not really.
I could tell you pride is about tolerance. But tolerance is such a patronizing word. We say it all the time, we preach it over the "intolerant." Tolerance means nothing more than, "I don't like you but since we have to share the same air space I'll do my best not to kill you." It is demeaning and rude to tolerate someone. So, that is not what pride is about at all.
Here is what pride means to me: acceptance. Acceptance of who you are. Acceptance of freedom and love and equality in all things. Acceptance of people to not fit into little boxes that we can neatly categorize and shelve. Acceptance of the amazing resiliance and strength of the human race. Acceptance of your fear of change and rejection and difference. Acceptance.
I hope we get it one day. I hope we really can look all human beings in the eye and love them, and mean it. I hope we can take joy in our differences. I hope we can all take up the sprit of pride. My challenge to all of us is to do just that. Take on the spirit of pride. Be proud of who you are; be proud of the amazing, radical people who create change generation after generation; be proud of the freedom we have and work to change the freedoms we don't. Take pride in the gay community, celebrate this time with them. If you are a part of that community, hold your head up high. Honor the memory that this week, this month has come to represent.
Last year I wrote a pride blog on a challenge given in a LGBT blog group for, well, obviously folks of the gay persuasion; as well as friends, family, and just plain ole' supporters of gays. It was a great blogging group, but it went away. Still, I figured I should challenge myself again this year. So, let's do this, shall we?
Last year I said, I can only say what pride means to me. And really, that is all I can do. But as I grow and change, I think I gain more understanding. Or, at least I hope I do. So, maybe my perception has changed some.
I suppose I could tell you that pride is all about equal rights. Equality the queer community so deserves to have. It is hard for me to understand why we in this country, the land of the free after all, have to fight so hard for basic human rights. The black community did it, women did it, and now the gay community is doing it. I have no doubt that their battle will be won, that's what happens here. Get enough people to care and you can do anything. But that's not what pride is about, not really.
I could tell you pride is about tolerance. But tolerance is such a patronizing word. We say it all the time, we preach it over the "intolerant." Tolerance means nothing more than, "I don't like you but since we have to share the same air space I'll do my best not to kill you." It is demeaning and rude to tolerate someone. So, that is not what pride is about at all.
Here is what pride means to me: acceptance. Acceptance of who you are. Acceptance of freedom and love and equality in all things. Acceptance of people to not fit into little boxes that we can neatly categorize and shelve. Acceptance of the amazing resiliance and strength of the human race. Acceptance of your fear of change and rejection and difference. Acceptance.
I hope we get it one day. I hope we really can look all human beings in the eye and love them, and mean it. I hope we can take joy in our differences. I hope we can all take up the sprit of pride. My challenge to all of us is to do just that. Take on the spirit of pride. Be proud of who you are; be proud of the amazing, radical people who create change generation after generation; be proud of the freedom we have and work to change the freedoms we don't. Take pride in the gay community, celebrate this time with them. If you are a part of that community, hold your head up high. Honor the memory that this week, this month has come to represent.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
A tag blog
Alright, guys, it's ten weird things.
1 - I can't stand to hear anyone eat. If I'm close enough I'll normally move away or try to make conversation.
2 - I'm a bitch but most people don't see it. Ask anyone, usually you'll get a description somewhere along the lines of sweet, nice, etc.
3 - I'm double jointed in both of my middle fingers and a couple of toes. Also, I can stretch my pinky toe unnaturally far away from the other toes.
4 - I'm weird about spelling and grammar. Trust me, if you use bad grammar I will laugh at you. Maybe not to your face, but still.
5 - As a kid I absolutely could not sleep with any body part uncovered except my face for fear that the indian under my bed would chop the uncovered part off.
6 - Still on sleeping, I have to have the sheet tucked in the bottom of the bed a certain way and the top of the sheet folded neatly over the covers to even think about falling asleep.
7 - I used to be painfully shy until I figured out there was no point in caring what other people thought of me. Now, I still like to observe people before jumping in but that's not out of shyness.
8 - As much as I love to write, I think most of it is crap. And yet I continue on anyway. :)
9 - I'm scared of the dark in a serious way.
10 - My favorite smells are fresh mowed grass, the smell of rain right before and after it starts falling, and gasoline. I freaking love the smell of gasoline.
And so, according to the rules of tag-dom I'm now supposed to go on and tag like 15 people or something. Just kidding, I think it's five. But, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm ending it. That's right people, the tag stops here. If you feel compelled to tell me about your weirdness, go right ahead. What can I say? I'm a rebel.
1 - I can't stand to hear anyone eat. If I'm close enough I'll normally move away or try to make conversation.
2 - I'm a bitch but most people don't see it. Ask anyone, usually you'll get a description somewhere along the lines of sweet, nice, etc.
3 - I'm double jointed in both of my middle fingers and a couple of toes. Also, I can stretch my pinky toe unnaturally far away from the other toes.
4 - I'm weird about spelling and grammar. Trust me, if you use bad grammar I will laugh at you. Maybe not to your face, but still.
5 - As a kid I absolutely could not sleep with any body part uncovered except my face for fear that the indian under my bed would chop the uncovered part off.
6 - Still on sleeping, I have to have the sheet tucked in the bottom of the bed a certain way and the top of the sheet folded neatly over the covers to even think about falling asleep.
7 - I used to be painfully shy until I figured out there was no point in caring what other people thought of me. Now, I still like to observe people before jumping in but that's not out of shyness.
8 - As much as I love to write, I think most of it is crap. And yet I continue on anyway. :)
9 - I'm scared of the dark in a serious way.
10 - My favorite smells are fresh mowed grass, the smell of rain right before and after it starts falling, and gasoline. I freaking love the smell of gasoline.
And so, according to the rules of tag-dom I'm now supposed to go on and tag like 15 people or something. Just kidding, I think it's five. But, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm ending it. That's right people, the tag stops here. If you feel compelled to tell me about your weirdness, go right ahead. What can I say? I'm a rebel.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Remember when
Remember that first New Years' Eve when we had nothing to do and so we drove to the K-Mart that was going out of business. We bought that camera we were so proud of. And the Korn CD. You wore that CD out as soon as we got home. Then we got drunk off Tequila and counted down the New Year watching the ball drop. Remember before that I didn't realize the ball dropped a whole hour earlier than our midnight and it pissed me off so we counted down the New Year twice? That's still one of my all time favorite New Years.
Remember when we were kids and everything was a competition? I think our moms made it that way. Who raised more for the jump-a-thon, who had the higher IQ, who scored higher on what, who read more books in that damn book-a-thon thing we did each year. But that one day, the day we lost the most beautiful lady in the world, our common denominator, I saw you differently than ever before. Since then you've been more of a sister to me than the ones I've actually had. Do you remember that day on the concrete steps in front of her house? I do, it's one of my favorite memories because I knew I'd lost her but gained you in the process.
Remember the summer when we made it a practice of sneaking out, and sneaking people in? You got ratted out because somebody had it out for you, and you never told on me. Thank you for being such a good friend.
Remember when we first became friends? I was walking past your house and I stopped to talk to your cousin. You chased after me when I left and we walked around the neighborhood talking. We were inseparable after that. I still remember what we talked about, seventeen years later. I'm glad you followed me.
Remember when you did that piece on that news special? I don't mean to bring up something bad for you, but I want you to know how proud I was of you because you were so brave. I'm still proud. You've become a more beautiful lady than I ever could have imagined.
Remember when you wrote me the most adorable love note and handed it to me on the school bus? And when I hurt my knee a few weeks later I couldn't go to school for a couple of days. And I believe it was the third day, it was raining, and my mom was going to drive me to school. Right before we left though, you were standing on my front porch with an umbrella and you carried my backpack and crutches to the bus then came back and carried me?
Remember when I was 'babysitting' my little cousins across the street from you and we got scared thinking we heard footsteps in the hall. We called you and you came over and walked through the house and laughed at us for being scaredy cats. I felt so silly because we were the exact same age. I bet you don't remember that, but I do.
Remember when we were 'going together' in school and life was so sweetly simple that we were living on the edge by tucking our hands in each others' back pockets? That was one of my favorite years of school, eighth grade, and I'm glad you were a part of it.
Remember when we used to lock you two bratty boys out of the bathroom and you'd always climb in through the dirty clothes entrance in the closet. Remember when we found that little hatch door? Damn we were so excited. Somtimes I wonder if you two would still fit through that little door.
These are some of my favorite things to remember, so I thought I'd see if you remember too.
Remember when we were kids and everything was a competition? I think our moms made it that way. Who raised more for the jump-a-thon, who had the higher IQ, who scored higher on what, who read more books in that damn book-a-thon thing we did each year. But that one day, the day we lost the most beautiful lady in the world, our common denominator, I saw you differently than ever before. Since then you've been more of a sister to me than the ones I've actually had. Do you remember that day on the concrete steps in front of her house? I do, it's one of my favorite memories because I knew I'd lost her but gained you in the process.
Remember the summer when we made it a practice of sneaking out, and sneaking people in? You got ratted out because somebody had it out for you, and you never told on me. Thank you for being such a good friend.
Remember when we first became friends? I was walking past your house and I stopped to talk to your cousin. You chased after me when I left and we walked around the neighborhood talking. We were inseparable after that. I still remember what we talked about, seventeen years later. I'm glad you followed me.
Remember when you did that piece on that news special? I don't mean to bring up something bad for you, but I want you to know how proud I was of you because you were so brave. I'm still proud. You've become a more beautiful lady than I ever could have imagined.
Remember when you wrote me the most adorable love note and handed it to me on the school bus? And when I hurt my knee a few weeks later I couldn't go to school for a couple of days. And I believe it was the third day, it was raining, and my mom was going to drive me to school. Right before we left though, you were standing on my front porch with an umbrella and you carried my backpack and crutches to the bus then came back and carried me?
Remember when I was 'babysitting' my little cousins across the street from you and we got scared thinking we heard footsteps in the hall. We called you and you came over and walked through the house and laughed at us for being scaredy cats. I felt so silly because we were the exact same age. I bet you don't remember that, but I do.
Remember when we were 'going together' in school and life was so sweetly simple that we were living on the edge by tucking our hands in each others' back pockets? That was one of my favorite years of school, eighth grade, and I'm glad you were a part of it.
Remember when we used to lock you two bratty boys out of the bathroom and you'd always climb in through the dirty clothes entrance in the closet. Remember when we found that little hatch door? Damn we were so excited. Somtimes I wonder if you two would still fit through that little door.
These are some of my favorite things to remember, so I thought I'd see if you remember too.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Sometimes
Sometimes life really is all rainbows and sunshine.
Sometimes I miss the freedom of youth.
Sometimes I wonder how many licks does it take?
Sometimes I want to drive without stopping.
Sometimes I love you simply because you are you.
Sometimes I wish I knew who my true friends are.
Sometimes you can actually feel your heart breaking.
Sometimes I wish we could all just admit we're nothing more than selfish assholes.
Sometimes I wish everyone could see me for who I am.
Sometimes I am proud of all I have accomplished.
Sometimes I hate you simply for being you.
Sometimes I like to play in the rain.
Sometimes all it takes to make a person happy is cotton candy.
Sometimes the best things in life really are free.
Sometimes I sleep with my eyes open.
Sometimes I only pretend I'm listening.
Sometimes I wish I had super powers.
Sometimes I wish I weren't fluent in body language and nuances.
Sometimes I wish you would make up your mind.
Sometimes I think normal anything is an oxymoron.
Sometimes I wish I could speak Swahili.
Sometimes I am more afraid than you.
Sometimes I argue with myself.
Sometimes I wonder what the hell we're all doing.
Sometimes I'd rather pretend life is perfect.
Sometimes I wish you would make up your mind.
Sometimes I find it hard to care.
Sometimes I don't feel up to the challenge.
Sometimes I surprise myself.
Sometimes I might surprise you.
Sometimes I'll let you in.
Sometimes I pretend I'm fifteen again.
Sometimes I miss the way it used to be.
Sometimes.
Sometimes I miss the freedom of youth.
Sometimes I wonder how many licks does it take?
Sometimes I want to drive without stopping.
Sometimes I love you simply because you are you.
Sometimes I wish I knew who my true friends are.
Sometimes you can actually feel your heart breaking.
Sometimes I wish we could all just admit we're nothing more than selfish assholes.
Sometimes I wish everyone could see me for who I am.
Sometimes I am proud of all I have accomplished.
Sometimes I hate you simply for being you.
Sometimes I like to play in the rain.
Sometimes all it takes to make a person happy is cotton candy.
Sometimes the best things in life really are free.
Sometimes I sleep with my eyes open.
Sometimes I only pretend I'm listening.
Sometimes I wish I had super powers.
Sometimes I wish I weren't fluent in body language and nuances.
Sometimes I wish you would make up your mind.
Sometimes I think normal anything is an oxymoron.
Sometimes I wish I could speak Swahili.
Sometimes I am more afraid than you.
Sometimes I argue with myself.
Sometimes I wonder what the hell we're all doing.
Sometimes I'd rather pretend life is perfect.
Sometimes I wish you would make up your mind.
Sometimes I find it hard to care.
Sometimes I don't feel up to the challenge.
Sometimes I surprise myself.
Sometimes I might surprise you.
Sometimes I'll let you in.
Sometimes I pretend I'm fifteen again.
Sometimes I miss the way it used to be.
Sometimes.
Friday, June 8, 2007
They say it's your birthday...
...it's my birthday too, yeah.
Well, it may not be your birthday (unless you're Alex), but it is mine! And while I am completely stoked at my birthday weekend (that's right I get a whole weekend), I thought I'd share a story with you from birthdays passed.
Four days before I turned 18 I had a pretty bad car accident. Totaled my car completely. As much as that sucked, it didn't quite suck as bad as not being able to remember my 18th birthday. I know that was the day I got a new car (new to me). All I can remember about that was my car criteria: no maroon or silver, and it had to be a standard. So the first car we walked up on I said, this is perfect, let's get it. My dad was very surprised and asked if I wanted to at least drive it first, which I didn't. So he drove it, and that was exactly the car we got.
Now, I must tell you I had some truly lovely friends. They loved me greatly and had been planning a surprise party for me for a bit. I'm not exactly sure who planned the party, that part is a little cloudy, but I have to tell you walking into a room full of people yelling surprise when you're high on painkillers sporting whiplash and a concussion is not exactly fun. But the sentiment, well it still gives me warm tingly feelings. That's my only other memory of that day, the "SURPRISE!!!".
I'll give you updates at the end of my birthday weekend. *sigh* I'm so lucky to be me. :)
Well, it may not be your birthday (unless you're Alex), but it is mine! And while I am completely stoked at my birthday weekend (that's right I get a whole weekend), I thought I'd share a story with you from birthdays passed.
Four days before I turned 18 I had a pretty bad car accident. Totaled my car completely. As much as that sucked, it didn't quite suck as bad as not being able to remember my 18th birthday. I know that was the day I got a new car (new to me). All I can remember about that was my car criteria: no maroon or silver, and it had to be a standard. So the first car we walked up on I said, this is perfect, let's get it. My dad was very surprised and asked if I wanted to at least drive it first, which I didn't. So he drove it, and that was exactly the car we got.
Now, I must tell you I had some truly lovely friends. They loved me greatly and had been planning a surprise party for me for a bit. I'm not exactly sure who planned the party, that part is a little cloudy, but I have to tell you walking into a room full of people yelling surprise when you're high on painkillers sporting whiplash and a concussion is not exactly fun. But the sentiment, well it still gives me warm tingly feelings. That's my only other memory of that day, the "SURPRISE!!!".
I'll give you updates at the end of my birthday weekend. *sigh* I'm so lucky to be me. :)
Friday, June 1, 2007
So the coolness of my day...
I caught a baby today...wait for it....at the hospital! There I was, bedside to mom as I usually am, and the doctor was already being really cool making sure I could see EVERYTHING going on and stuff. And all of a sudden she looks at me and goes, "Why don't you get gloved and gowned and you can help me out?" I'm like, ok, cause I figure she means just so I can be in the sterile field since I usually am all up in it anyway and most docs don't like that. :) What can I say? I'm a rebel. Anywho, so mom's pushing and we're closer to THE time and doc looks at me again and goes, ok so after the head delivers I'll deliver the anterior shoulder and you can take it from there. Um, ok doc. And so that's what happened. I got to catch the baby and give him to his oh so happy to have him out mommy.
Also, heard the funniest shit today from this mom after giving birth. She goes, well it was kind of like having sex but not as fun! HA!!! First time EVER!!!
Let's see, what else has my random day included? Or rather, my random life.
Oh yeah, so driving to the birth was an experience. I had to go over an hour and was so afraid I'd miss it cause dad called me to tell me mom was pretty bad off. So I'm driving and breaking every speed law along the way, hazards going the entire time. How many big trucks do you think pulled over in front of me? Seriously, it was like ten! I was like...hello?! flashers!!
Also, I've discovered the heaven that is energy drinks! Until recently I had never had the little piece of ecstacy that these are. Years of being pregnant or a boob dealer will do that to ya. But, all that is behind me now and I plan on abusing my body in every way possible. :) Bet you're wondering if I'm kidding aren't ya? I won't tell though, I'd rather let you wonder.
Another very exciting thing is my birthday which is NEXT WEEK! I am very excited about this! Birthdays do not phase me and I plan on having them for as long as possible. I like to make a big deal over myself. And this is one day of the year I get to do that without being called narcissistic (that was so spelled wrong first time around lol, thank you google). So, I celebrate and a big deal I make. I even have a birthday song. :) I begin to sing it every day starting, oh about now. I've done this for years. It makes me happy.
Alright, I'm out. I haven't been blogging much. It isn't that I don't have anything to say, cause...well...I always have something to say. I've just been busy hanging with the cool kids. That's right, I'm a cool kid now. Be very jealous.
Also, heard the funniest shit today from this mom after giving birth. She goes, well it was kind of like having sex but not as fun! HA!!! First time EVER!!!
Let's see, what else has my random day included? Or rather, my random life.
Oh yeah, so driving to the birth was an experience. I had to go over an hour and was so afraid I'd miss it cause dad called me to tell me mom was pretty bad off. So I'm driving and breaking every speed law along the way, hazards going the entire time. How many big trucks do you think pulled over in front of me? Seriously, it was like ten! I was like...hello?! flashers!!
Also, I've discovered the heaven that is energy drinks! Until recently I had never had the little piece of ecstacy that these are. Years of being pregnant or a boob dealer will do that to ya. But, all that is behind me now and I plan on abusing my body in every way possible. :) Bet you're wondering if I'm kidding aren't ya? I won't tell though, I'd rather let you wonder.
Another very exciting thing is my birthday which is NEXT WEEK! I am very excited about this! Birthdays do not phase me and I plan on having them for as long as possible. I like to make a big deal over myself. And this is one day of the year I get to do that without being called narcissistic (that was so spelled wrong first time around lol, thank you google). So, I celebrate and a big deal I make. I even have a birthday song. :) I begin to sing it every day starting, oh about now. I've done this for years. It makes me happy.
Alright, I'm out. I haven't been blogging much. It isn't that I don't have anything to say, cause...well...I always have something to say. I've just been busy hanging with the cool kids. That's right, I'm a cool kid now. Be very jealous.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Random moments in my week
All birth related. Go figure.
So I belong to a forum for doulas, called alldoulas.com if you can believe that. Anyway, I was checking out the people that had "thanked" me in posts there, just a way of saying, well thanks lol, for something you've said because they liked it or your helped them out or whatever. Well back when I first joined they started doing a member spotlight and I was the first member to participate (only because I volunteered first lol). So here is an excerpt:
Do you have a doula "hero"?
I have a birth hero. Gloria Lemay.
Whom do you feel has been the most influential person in the birth field, as it applies to non-interventionist philosophy in the last 50 years?
I have to say Gloria. I have read lots of things she has written and I absolutely love her philosophy. She realizes what every doctor and midwife needs to realize about birth, and that is that they are not necessary. She also has strong convictions and has gone to jail over them. The outpouring of support from her clients was hearwarming and illustrative of the amazing woman she is. I'd love to meet her someday.
And who do you think thanked me?
The Following User Says Thank You to MsDoula For This Useful Post:
GloriaLemay (03-22-2007)
HA! I was happy. Yeah, I'm a dork but it made my freaking week!
Another birth moment this week: My client who was pregnant with twins and planning an all natural delivery that I was SO looking forward to gave birth unplanned unassisted at home in her bathroom Monday morning. Seriously. The medics didn't even make it. But they did get there right before me and they didn't have enough cord clamps (two babies = two cords lol). So the medic was asking dad for shoe strings and I said, "You need a clamp? I have one!" LMAO So I gave him the only clamp I was carrying. Then tonight my friend, also a medic, calls and tells me my client was being talked about all over this morning when she went into work. The woman who had twins at home unassisted. And the girl who came up after with the cord clamp in her "purse" (doula bag). LMAO I'm the crazy lady with the cord clamps.
Other news this week, my a/c at home is broke! And in case you forgot I live in Hell Mississippi, Area Code 66666. It is HOT here already and no A/C is seriously not cool. hehe I'm punny. Alright, sorry uncalled for I know.
So I belong to a forum for doulas, called alldoulas.com if you can believe that. Anyway, I was checking out the people that had "thanked" me in posts there, just a way of saying, well thanks lol, for something you've said because they liked it or your helped them out or whatever. Well back when I first joined they started doing a member spotlight and I was the first member to participate (only because I volunteered first lol). So here is an excerpt:
Do you have a doula "hero"?
I have a birth hero. Gloria Lemay.
Whom do you feel has been the most influential person in the birth field, as it applies to non-interventionist philosophy in the last 50 years?
I have to say Gloria. I have read lots of things she has written and I absolutely love her philosophy. She realizes what every doctor and midwife needs to realize about birth, and that is that they are not necessary. She also has strong convictions and has gone to jail over them. The outpouring of support from her clients was hearwarming and illustrative of the amazing woman she is. I'd love to meet her someday.
And who do you think thanked me?
The Following User Says Thank You to MsDoula For This Useful Post:
GloriaLemay (03-22-2007)
HA! I was happy. Yeah, I'm a dork but it made my freaking week!
Another birth moment this week: My client who was pregnant with twins and planning an all natural delivery that I was SO looking forward to gave birth unplanned unassisted at home in her bathroom Monday morning. Seriously. The medics didn't even make it. But they did get there right before me and they didn't have enough cord clamps (two babies = two cords lol). So the medic was asking dad for shoe strings and I said, "You need a clamp? I have one!" LMAO So I gave him the only clamp I was carrying. Then tonight my friend, also a medic, calls and tells me my client was being talked about all over this morning when she went into work. The woman who had twins at home unassisted. And the girl who came up after with the cord clamp in her "purse" (doula bag). LMAO I'm the crazy lady with the cord clamps.
Other news this week, my a/c at home is broke! And in case you forgot I live in Hell Mississippi, Area Code 66666. It is HOT here already and no A/C is seriously not cool. hehe I'm punny. Alright, sorry uncalled for I know.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
What's wrong with this picture?
So before 9 am this morning, two news stories had already crossed my radar that just make me shake my head. They are both swimming in the controversy of teen sex, particularly teen girls having sex. Anyone who knows me even a little knows I just can't pass up the opportunity to rant about my views on sex education in this country.
The first story was on the new HPV vaccine and how this doctor/researcher says it could possible increase the rates of cervical cancer. Really? You're saying after we vaccinate these girls they are going to think they are safe and therefore will go have wild amounts of unprotected sex (or just once), consequently contracting something anyway and winding up with full-blown cervical cancer because they never get a pap because they thought they were safe? That's what you're saying? Wow, I never could have put that one together on my own. Also, are you seriously going to tell me I HAVE to vaccinate my - wait for it - TEN to ELEVEN year old daughter for HPV???!!! Seriously, she may or may not have even reached the point of her very first cycle and we're going to vaccinate her in the event that she has sex and gets the big bad HPV. Which, btw, in case you don't know. HPV stands for Human Papillomavirus, or commonly known as genital warts. It is the primary cause for cervical cancer. Sounds scary right? The catch is that there are literally dozens of KNOWN strands of the virus and only a select few cause cervical cancer. Now, does this mean that HPV isn't a big bad and that we should ignore? No, certainly not. It is almost an epidemic in our country, but I hardly think we need to start vaccinating young girls going into puberty for something they may or may not come into contact with. And how do we know that this brand spanking new, largely untested vaccine won't have greatly devastating effects on the future fertility of these girls? I mean, sure we don't want babies at 14 and 15, but what about 24 and 25? Or 30? We have to think ahead for these girls! My last issue with this ties in with the second article, so I'll just go ahead and tell you about that.
The second article was about a new book by Toni Weschler, the author of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Which, by the way every woman should read this book and have this knowledge. Anyway, the new book is called Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen's Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body and is based from TCOYF. Now, from what I understand this isn't a guide for getting pregnant or avoiding pregnancy like the first book was. It is more of a guidebook for young girls to understand their cycle and what it means. To understand about ovulation and a general overview of fertility. And people are PISSED about this. Why? Why do we have such a problem with letting young girls understand their bodies? Why don't we want them to have this knowledge? Is it because they would possess more knowledge about their bodies than most adults have? Is it because they might be proud of the amazing events that go on inside their bodies every month instead of simply being pissy at what they have to endure? Now, there are a growing number of WOMEN who know more about their cycles than most probably think they should, of whom I am proud to be included in. And it amazes me the number of women who would be clueless if I asked them about their ovulation, or luteal phase. A woman's cycle is more than just those days of bleeding, it lasts for weeks, 28 days on average. Why aren't we teaching young girls this? Hell, why are we teaching young boys this too? Is there really any good reason you can give me for studying photosynthesis in every science class from fifth grade on but NEVER ONCE covering the details of such an important and amazing body process that is happening at that very moment to the students being taught?
Nah, why would we do something that makes so much sense. We would rather give them a shot and tell them not to have sex. Meanwhile, we play the monkeys (see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil) while kids draw their own conclusions and we can all see what is happening with that. Obviously, something's not working. Wonder what might happen if we empower them with some knowledge. Hmmm, what a revolutionary idea. Knowledge.
The first story was on the new HPV vaccine and how this doctor/researcher says it could possible increase the rates of cervical cancer. Really? You're saying after we vaccinate these girls they are going to think they are safe and therefore will go have wild amounts of unprotected sex (or just once), consequently contracting something anyway and winding up with full-blown cervical cancer because they never get a pap because they thought they were safe? That's what you're saying? Wow, I never could have put that one together on my own. Also, are you seriously going to tell me I HAVE to vaccinate my - wait for it - TEN to ELEVEN year old daughter for HPV???!!! Seriously, she may or may not have even reached the point of her very first cycle and we're going to vaccinate her in the event that she has sex and gets the big bad HPV. Which, btw, in case you don't know. HPV stands for Human Papillomavirus, or commonly known as genital warts. It is the primary cause for cervical cancer. Sounds scary right? The catch is that there are literally dozens of KNOWN strands of the virus and only a select few cause cervical cancer. Now, does this mean that HPV isn't a big bad and that we should ignore? No, certainly not. It is almost an epidemic in our country, but I hardly think we need to start vaccinating young girls going into puberty for something they may or may not come into contact with. And how do we know that this brand spanking new, largely untested vaccine won't have greatly devastating effects on the future fertility of these girls? I mean, sure we don't want babies at 14 and 15, but what about 24 and 25? Or 30? We have to think ahead for these girls! My last issue with this ties in with the second article, so I'll just go ahead and tell you about that.
The second article was about a new book by Toni Weschler, the author of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Which, by the way every woman should read this book and have this knowledge. Anyway, the new book is called Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen's Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body and is based from TCOYF. Now, from what I understand this isn't a guide for getting pregnant or avoiding pregnancy like the first book was. It is more of a guidebook for young girls to understand their cycle and what it means. To understand about ovulation and a general overview of fertility. And people are PISSED about this. Why? Why do we have such a problem with letting young girls understand their bodies? Why don't we want them to have this knowledge? Is it because they would possess more knowledge about their bodies than most adults have? Is it because they might be proud of the amazing events that go on inside their bodies every month instead of simply being pissy at what they have to endure? Now, there are a growing number of WOMEN who know more about their cycles than most probably think they should, of whom I am proud to be included in. And it amazes me the number of women who would be clueless if I asked them about their ovulation, or luteal phase. A woman's cycle is more than just those days of bleeding, it lasts for weeks, 28 days on average. Why aren't we teaching young girls this? Hell, why are we teaching young boys this too? Is there really any good reason you can give me for studying photosynthesis in every science class from fifth grade on but NEVER ONCE covering the details of such an important and amazing body process that is happening at that very moment to the students being taught?
Nah, why would we do something that makes so much sense. We would rather give them a shot and tell them not to have sex. Meanwhile, we play the monkeys (see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil) while kids draw their own conclusions and we can all see what is happening with that. Obviously, something's not working. Wonder what might happen if we empower them with some knowledge. Hmmm, what a revolutionary idea. Knowledge.
Monday, March 19, 2007
A year ago today...
I gave birth. My baby girl turned one today and I cannot believe it has been that long. She is such an amazing person and I am beyond blessed to have her in my life. She is beautiful and fiesty and spunky and strong. She has changed me, as each of my kids have. I don't want to shortchange her with few words, but honestly, Kylie has a spirit in her so large that there truly aren't words.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Generation WTF???
So I spent Saturday night with a bunch of kids. I mean a BUNCH of them. All teenagers. All the time.
This was a CD release party for a local teen Christian metal band. The stuff these kids play is pretty hardcore, talented, but still hardcore. They're great kids. Seriously. Their generation though, let me just say WOW.
First let me say, we need to revisit hygeine. Small room, 150+ kids, I cannot even begin to describe to you the smell. And a little shampoo never hurt either. Now let me tell you a little about their idea of "dancing". What these kids were doing can only be described as a heavy metal line dance. I am not exaggerating by saying it looked like the Running Man and Roger Rabbit on crystal meth. I have never seen so many kids at one time looking like they belonged on the short bus. For the first time in my entire life I actually wanted to headbang just because I could and it seemed as if it would restore some type of sanity to the situation. Or maybe bang my head against the wall. Either way. I could do the Macarena, the Tootsie Roll, the Roger Rabbit, the Cabbage Patch, the Butterfly, and even line dance with the best of them. But this, this escaped me.
Watching this crowd, I felt like I was observing another culture. I guess in a way I was. But honestly I felt like I should have had a notebook to document my findings. The strangeness was too vast to list. Let me end by saying, gender roles have escaped this generation. Many of the boys looked very feminine, and were well past puberty. A few had their jeans rolled up capri style, and wore belts that looked like women's belts.
You know I grew up in Generation "X". We were supposed to be the weird ones. The ones no one got. I'm guessing as we run our of alphabet things just turn into chaos. I've decided my kids aren't allowed to be teenagers. And if I have no control over that, you can bet they aren't allowed to have friends! I sure won't be able to stand any that aren't mine!!!
This was a CD release party for a local teen Christian metal band. The stuff these kids play is pretty hardcore, talented, but still hardcore. They're great kids. Seriously. Their generation though, let me just say WOW.
First let me say, we need to revisit hygeine. Small room, 150+ kids, I cannot even begin to describe to you the smell. And a little shampoo never hurt either. Now let me tell you a little about their idea of "dancing". What these kids were doing can only be described as a heavy metal line dance. I am not exaggerating by saying it looked like the Running Man and Roger Rabbit on crystal meth. I have never seen so many kids at one time looking like they belonged on the short bus. For the first time in my entire life I actually wanted to headbang just because I could and it seemed as if it would restore some type of sanity to the situation. Or maybe bang my head against the wall. Either way. I could do the Macarena, the Tootsie Roll, the Roger Rabbit, the Cabbage Patch, the Butterfly, and even line dance with the best of them. But this, this escaped me.
Watching this crowd, I felt like I was observing another culture. I guess in a way I was. But honestly I felt like I should have had a notebook to document my findings. The strangeness was too vast to list. Let me end by saying, gender roles have escaped this generation. Many of the boys looked very feminine, and were well past puberty. A few had their jeans rolled up capri style, and wore belts that looked like women's belts.
You know I grew up in Generation "X". We were supposed to be the weird ones. The ones no one got. I'm guessing as we run our of alphabet things just turn into chaos. I've decided my kids aren't allowed to be teenagers. And if I have no control over that, you can bet they aren't allowed to have friends! I sure won't be able to stand any that aren't mine!!!
Monday, February 19, 2007
A little about the South...
So lately I have head so much negativity about the South. Specifically, the "deep South" where I happen to live. I personally think there are a grand total of three states that can be considered truly the deep south, Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia. And let's face it, Georgia is kinda borderline. Accents notwithstanding.
Anyway, hearing these types of things personally grates on my nerves. Every place has its negative qualities, I'll admit it. And, quite possibly the deep South might seem to have more negative than positive, especially if you aren't from here or you have lived elsewhere for a long period of time. Even so, I'd like to point out some of the positives of living here.
First, there's the constant comic relief. Seriously. Where else can you find a drive thru beer barn?
Anyway, hearing these types of things personally grates on my nerves. Every place has its negative qualities, I'll admit it. And, quite possibly the deep South might seem to have more negative than positive, especially if you aren't from here or you have lived elsewhere for a long period of time. Even so, I'd like to point out some of the positives of living here.
First, there's the constant comic relief. Seriously. Where else can you find a drive thru beer barn?
I promise a day doesn't go by here that being out and about doing general stuff won't provide you with something that will make you laugh your ass off. Just yesterday I went to Wal-Mart and in the parking lot there was a car that had "Redneck Woman" written across the windshield and "I <3 you pooky" on the driver's side window. Funny shit at every turn.
Moving on, it is absolutely beautiful here. I am not kidding. I have never been in any other state that was quite as pretty. Our skies are the brightest shade of blue I have ever seen and our cities look as if they have been cut out of the trees. And at night, you can see stars for miles.
Another positive, which happens to be a double-edged sword, is that the South is wholesome in a general way. While it is a little annoying that there are churches on every corner (sometimes three or four on every corner) and the mayor of Jackson would rather rid the city of strippers and good sex than crime, the overall goodness here is nice. I don't have to worry for the most part about my kids seeing or hearing things I don't want them to. I like that. I like that my life was fairly sheltered, which wasn't hard to do. I like that people are still easily shocked here.
One thing that most people find most frustrating about Mississippi specifically, and Alabama because they are very much alike, is the pace at which everything moves. Slow. Life, in general, moves slower here. But, if you can step back and take a deep breath, it is nice to enjoy the slow pace every once in a while.
And do not get me started about how the South is portrayed on TV and in the movies! Oh.My.God. We DO have running water AND electricity! Go figure! Guess what? I even have broadband internet! We don't all sound like Gomer Pyle and we do all wear shoes, well most of us anyway. It is very much illegal to marry your immediate family and even if it weren't, it's still very gross. We aren't all racist, although bigotry does exist here - but it's no more here than anywhere else! We are educated. We have local shopping - large, national chains even!
Lastly, the South has the prettiest girls, hands down. Seriously, peruse my friends list and I can promise most (with a few major exceptions) of the pretty girls are from the South! I don't know why, maybe it's the cornbread.
I suppose that's pretty much it. I love the South very much. I loved growing up here and although I do want to live elsewhere it isn't because I don't like it here. I grew up swimming in rivers, playing in mud, riding three- and later four-wheelers. I can tell what type of snake has crossed a dirt road by the trail it leaves, just like I can identify whether or not one is poisonous on sight. I can smell the rain before it comes, I know the secret behind a whooey stick, my sweet tea is pretty much simple syrup, and I know what the Confederate Flag REALLY stands for.
All because I'm from the South. Yeah, I'm pretty lucky like that.
Moving on, it is absolutely beautiful here. I am not kidding. I have never been in any other state that was quite as pretty. Our skies are the brightest shade of blue I have ever seen and our cities look as if they have been cut out of the trees. And at night, you can see stars for miles.
Another positive, which happens to be a double-edged sword, is that the South is wholesome in a general way. While it is a little annoying that there are churches on every corner (sometimes three or four on every corner) and the mayor of Jackson would rather rid the city of strippers and good sex than crime, the overall goodness here is nice. I don't have to worry for the most part about my kids seeing or hearing things I don't want them to. I like that. I like that my life was fairly sheltered, which wasn't hard to do. I like that people are still easily shocked here.
One thing that most people find most frustrating about Mississippi specifically, and Alabama because they are very much alike, is the pace at which everything moves. Slow. Life, in general, moves slower here. But, if you can step back and take a deep breath, it is nice to enjoy the slow pace every once in a while.
And do not get me started about how the South is portrayed on TV and in the movies! Oh.My.God. We DO have running water AND electricity! Go figure! Guess what? I even have broadband internet! We don't all sound like Gomer Pyle and we do all wear shoes, well most of us anyway. It is very much illegal to marry your immediate family and even if it weren't, it's still very gross. We aren't all racist, although bigotry does exist here - but it's no more here than anywhere else! We are educated. We have local shopping - large, national chains even!
Lastly, the South has the prettiest girls, hands down. Seriously, peruse my friends list and I can promise most (with a few major exceptions) of the pretty girls are from the South! I don't know why, maybe it's the cornbread.
I suppose that's pretty much it. I love the South very much. I loved growing up here and although I do want to live elsewhere it isn't because I don't like it here. I grew up swimming in rivers, playing in mud, riding three- and later four-wheelers. I can tell what type of snake has crossed a dirt road by the trail it leaves, just like I can identify whether or not one is poisonous on sight. I can smell the rain before it comes, I know the secret behind a whooey stick, my sweet tea is pretty much simple syrup, and I know what the Confederate Flag REALLY stands for.
All because I'm from the South. Yeah, I'm pretty lucky like that.
Monday, January 29, 2007
So then I gave birth
I just got back from a weekend long training workshop. It was a labor assistant training. A lot like the one I did four and a half years ago to do what I do now. Serve birthing women. Since I'm a birth junkie one certification just isn't enough for me, so that was what brought me to the workshop. At it's closing, my best friend and partner took me aside and told me something humbling and powerful. I'd like to share it with you.
She was the workshop sponsor and organizer. I helped her get things together, but really she did all the hard stuff. So she says to me, "Wow, we really did a good thing." Yeah, really we did. Women need other women in birth. They need to know they aren't broken. They need to know their bodies were made to do this and they still work. But, what she said after that was the real wow for me.
She went on to tell me that, in essence, that entire workshop was a baby for me. It was a product of my hard work and labor, it was my birth.
See, she started as my client two years ago. Sometime during her pregnancy she told me she wanted to do what I did and wanted to learn from me. She went on to have a beautiful unassisted home birth that I was lucky enough to witness. And now she's working on becoming quite the kick ass doula. That, she says, is because of me.
Two other women in this class were former clients of mine. And every single woman there is on fire to change the state of birth. It is a revolution, one woman at a time.
And so, I gave birth. I gave birth six years ago quite literally to a eight pound ten ounce baby girl who changed my life. And I gave birth this weekend. I saw some of the work, tears, frustration, pride, smiles, heartbreak and heartswells turn into something beautiful. I am truly honored to have been a part.
She was the workshop sponsor and organizer. I helped her get things together, but really she did all the hard stuff. So she says to me, "Wow, we really did a good thing." Yeah, really we did. Women need other women in birth. They need to know they aren't broken. They need to know their bodies were made to do this and they still work. But, what she said after that was the real wow for me.
She went on to tell me that, in essence, that entire workshop was a baby for me. It was a product of my hard work and labor, it was my birth.
See, she started as my client two years ago. Sometime during her pregnancy she told me she wanted to do what I did and wanted to learn from me. She went on to have a beautiful unassisted home birth that I was lucky enough to witness. And now she's working on becoming quite the kick ass doula. That, she says, is because of me.
Two other women in this class were former clients of mine. And every single woman there is on fire to change the state of birth. It is a revolution, one woman at a time.
And so, I gave birth. I gave birth six years ago quite literally to a eight pound ten ounce baby girl who changed my life. And I gave birth this weekend. I saw some of the work, tears, frustration, pride, smiles, heartbreak and heartswells turn into something beautiful. I am truly honored to have been a part.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Someone I'd like to share with you
Thomas Joel Waits. That was his name. On January 14, 1997, he ended his life. He was fifteen.
I don't know how to tell you what this boy meant to me. He wasn't my boyfriend or anything like that. Thomas was my best friend. I called him my little cousin, but really he was the little cousin of my childhood best friend. He and I formed a relationship, a bond, quickly and like nothing I had ever known before - or since to be honest. We fit in with each other when no one else understood. Which probably was a little odd since I was three years older than him. But we got each other.
Thomas, well we all called him TJ. For as long as I knew him it was TJ. Until the very short months before his death. He asked that we call him Thomas. TJ was a name his dad had given him. And even now, even after his death, it feels wrong to call him TJ. Even though it is far more familiar than Thomas to me. But somehow TJ seems disrespectful. So I still say Thomas. Anyway, Thomas was probably the most beautiful person I have ever known in so many ways. There was a light in him that people gravitated toward. And when he took his life I hated him. I hated him for taking that light away from all of us who needed it so badly. But I have come to realize that Thomas felt his death was needed more.
Thomas was trapped and on the morning he decided to kill himself he went to school, life as usual. Except he was sick all day. Not because of what he knew was coming, but because he did not take his insulin. Thomas was diabetic, and he knew what not taking his meds would do to him, which was exactly what he needed in order to be able to complete his day. He spent all day at school in the nurse's office. Before he went home that day he told his friend down the street to come over. But not until Thomas called. About an hour or so after he got home, Thomas called his friend and told him to come over. Let yourself in, he said. He hung up the phone, went to his back yard, and shot himself.
Strangely, at the funeral everyone looked at me with pity. They would come up to me and say, "He loved you, you know." Yes, I know. They would tell me, "He carried only two pictures with him and you were one of them." Yes, I know.
Losing such a beautiful soul was like losing part of myself. And every year, I find ways to keep him alive. If I don't do this, I am afraid that part of myself will die with him. I hope you don't mind me sharing him with you today. He's been gone for ten years now. I hope the man he would have been is proud of the woman I am. I still grieve for him. In a more peaceful way, but grief just the same.
I hope you are at peace, my beautiful boy. I miss you with every fiber of my being.
I don't know how to tell you what this boy meant to me. He wasn't my boyfriend or anything like that. Thomas was my best friend. I called him my little cousin, but really he was the little cousin of my childhood best friend. He and I formed a relationship, a bond, quickly and like nothing I had ever known before - or since to be honest. We fit in with each other when no one else understood. Which probably was a little odd since I was three years older than him. But we got each other.
Thomas, well we all called him TJ. For as long as I knew him it was TJ. Until the very short months before his death. He asked that we call him Thomas. TJ was a name his dad had given him. And even now, even after his death, it feels wrong to call him TJ. Even though it is far more familiar than Thomas to me. But somehow TJ seems disrespectful. So I still say Thomas. Anyway, Thomas was probably the most beautiful person I have ever known in so many ways. There was a light in him that people gravitated toward. And when he took his life I hated him. I hated him for taking that light away from all of us who needed it so badly. But I have come to realize that Thomas felt his death was needed more.
Thomas was trapped and on the morning he decided to kill himself he went to school, life as usual. Except he was sick all day. Not because of what he knew was coming, but because he did not take his insulin. Thomas was diabetic, and he knew what not taking his meds would do to him, which was exactly what he needed in order to be able to complete his day. He spent all day at school in the nurse's office. Before he went home that day he told his friend down the street to come over. But not until Thomas called. About an hour or so after he got home, Thomas called his friend and told him to come over. Let yourself in, he said. He hung up the phone, went to his back yard, and shot himself.
Strangely, at the funeral everyone looked at me with pity. They would come up to me and say, "He loved you, you know." Yes, I know. They would tell me, "He carried only two pictures with him and you were one of them." Yes, I know.
Losing such a beautiful soul was like losing part of myself. And every year, I find ways to keep him alive. If I don't do this, I am afraid that part of myself will die with him. I hope you don't mind me sharing him with you today. He's been gone for ten years now. I hope the man he would have been is proud of the woman I am. I still grieve for him. In a more peaceful way, but grief just the same.
I hope you are at peace, my beautiful boy. I miss you with every fiber of my being.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Oscar
I thought I'd take the time tonight to share some things with you that piss me off. I'm doing this because, well, instead of going off on someone. Enjoy!
Doctors - So really it's no secret that I'm not a fan of doctors. You may not know that but that's just because I haven't told you, not because it's a secret. But really I'm not anti-doctor as much as I am anti-stupidity. I have found that MOST doctors will tell you what they think you want to hear, or what they want you to hear rather than the truth. They go to school for many years and pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to become liars, stupid liars at that.
Spam - I really really hate spam. Of the mail variety not the canned meat. That kind of spam rocks my socks off. What? Various animal parts minced together in a can doesn't do it for you? Oh, well.
Judgement of any form - I really cannot stand for people to think they are better than other people. Don't point fingers at other people when you are just like they are, only worse. Because at least they don't lie about who they are. Even worse, don't do this under the guise of righteousness.
Sharing milk - on cereal, in a glass, ice cream, whatever. Everybody in my family knows if they want milk they can just take a drink of mine and the rest of the glass is theirs. Disgusting.
Having to look things up, because I really do think I should know everything.
The word "booze".
Twisty ties.
Bratty kids.
People who call my kids bratty.
Mispronunciation. Yes this from the one who said vine-yard.
Sheep. Why? Because I'm not a sheep.
Doctors - So really it's no secret that I'm not a fan of doctors. You may not know that but that's just because I haven't told you, not because it's a secret. But really I'm not anti-doctor as much as I am anti-stupidity. I have found that MOST doctors will tell you what they think you want to hear, or what they want you to hear rather than the truth. They go to school for many years and pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to become liars, stupid liars at that.
Spam - I really really hate spam. Of the mail variety not the canned meat. That kind of spam rocks my socks off. What? Various animal parts minced together in a can doesn't do it for you? Oh, well.
Judgement of any form - I really cannot stand for people to think they are better than other people. Don't point fingers at other people when you are just like they are, only worse. Because at least they don't lie about who they are. Even worse, don't do this under the guise of righteousness.
Sharing milk - on cereal, in a glass, ice cream, whatever. Everybody in my family knows if they want milk they can just take a drink of mine and the rest of the glass is theirs. Disgusting.
Having to look things up, because I really do think I should know everything.
The word "booze".
Twisty ties.
Bratty kids.
People who call my kids bratty.
Mispronunciation. Yes this from the one who said vine-yard.
Sheep. Why? Because I'm not a sheep.
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