I am currently very frustrated with my reading situaion. :) Or maybe my writing situation. It could possibly be both.
Anyway, I'm reading a book right now that I borrowed from a friend a while back. Both the author and title are unknown to me: Just Killing Time by Derek Van Arman. Why am I so frustrated you ask? Well, let me just tell you. The very first nerve this little recycled book store treasure hit with me was inconsistency. One of the main characters in the story is a detective. Well there are quite a few detectives to be technical about it, but I am speaking specifically of special agent Scott. We learn on page 25 that "His name was John F. Scott," except I'm guessing the F stands for FUBAR'ed...as we hear him say on page 27, "I am Jack Scott." I guess you could say his name really was John. Why did the editor not catch this?
Now I could just chuckle this off and keep reading, if the book weren't better suited as fire kindle. My rule of thumb when reading is this: If I can write it better, I won't read it. I'm aware that may be conceited and honestly, I don't care. I go to great lengths to use grammar correctly, construct easily read sentences, and a smooth story flow.
Passages such as these are making this book most troublesome to get through:
And together, like a drill team, they swept through the cab, tossing out wrappers and empty cups and old newspapers that they had gathered along their journey. (p. 65)
The duo stopped alongside a white Dodge van as Corless fumbled in pastel blue pants that were too tight for his heavy build. Producing keys, he then slid the bay loading door open. He retreived a dark blue sports jacked with shiny gold buttons that was hanging on a hook. (p. 64)
There is a term known as overwriting. Many authors are guilty of doing it. We think we so badly want you to envision any story we are telling that we feel the need to over explain or give piddly details that simply add words rather than paint a more detailed picture. And for the sanity of all readers who write, please do not use a simile unless you can do it well.
It has occurred to me as I am struggling my way through this book (out of desperation for something to read) that there are so many writers who get published and I have no idea how they made it to where they are. Even some of the most well known authors aren't necessarily the best. I'd dare to say there are few writers who have ever written anything that was beyond criticism. I would even go so far as to say that every writer on the planet knows this, even the most popular authors. There are few so talented they can spin a tale that enthralls their audience from start to finish. Most creative writing majors who become published get stuck in their comfort zone and follow the same patterns, even with very different story lines, book after book. Jodi Picoult is guilty of this, her talent notwithstanding. Modern day literary legends are simply hard to come by, an elite society if you will.
Perhaps I am too harsh, too critical. Even so, the more mediocrity I encounter in the published author the more discouraged I am with the world around me. I devour what compels me with an insatiable hunger then wait for the next tiny morsel like a ravenous lion crouching in the field.
The true genius shudders at incompleteness - and usually prefers silence to saying something which is not everything it should be. ~Edgar Allan Poe
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
As a woman I simply cannot grasp this...
I was reading an article a client of mine posted in her bulletins and it got me to thinking. Basically, the article is about Ina May Gaskin and her vast contributions to birth. Now I have many mixed feelings and thoughts on Ina May, but that's neither here nor there. The line that got to me was a quote by the modern day midwifery native, "It's the only way I can think to market it to (this) generation."
Why on earth are we having to market birth to women today???!!! Why is the safest, most gentle way of birthing treated as the red-headed stepchild of labor and delivery?
I have a few theories.
1. The Dr's said so. I mean, it's ACOG. A bunch of men with alphabet soup behind their names. They said you'd better go to the hospital. And lordy lordy make sure they don't forget the machine that goes BING! And no one questions this? No one questions the ONE group of people who stand to PROFIT from 99+ percent of the female population giving birth in a hospital?
2. We are a nation of frivilous lawsuits. Obstetricians can barely afford their malpractice insurance, at least that is how it is in my state. I personally know one doctor who was sued by one patient for not doing a cesarean and which left her with (completely unrelated) butt pain, and by another who sued him for LEGAL malpractice because the lawyers told her she did not have a suit. Yep, he got sued because he couldn't be sued.
3. We've completely forgotten the friggin rights we worked so damn hard to get. Where are all of the feminists in this time that we so desperately need a revolution in birth?!
4. Influential people like Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Posh Spice, Britney Spears, and Gwen Stefani are now sporting a little something extra along their bikini line thanks to cesarean surgeries, some of which were completely elective.
5. Complete and total lack of education.
Really it is a combination of all of these things I am quite sure, plus a plethora of other just as ludicrous reasons.
What women in America have failed to realize is that obstetricians are specialists. They specialize in high risk pregnancy and birth. And in the most normal of circumstances they are likely to find something that seems high risk. Another common oversight is one that goes hand in hand with the first. OB's treat - not prevent. So when I hear women say...oh but I HAD to have an emergency c-section or I am SO lucky I had my doctor there he saved my/my baby's life...I kinda throw up in my mouth a little. Emergency surgeries do not take 30-45 minutes to get underway. I can promise you that if your doc said...uh oh looks like we need to do an emergency c-sec and they took their sweet time getting you prepped...it was not an emergency. An emergency means you are put to sleep and your surgery is underway in less than ten minutes. Those are rare, even with the rates of cesarean these days. And as far as the doc saving 'my/my baby's' life...well...here's the thing...it most likely wouldn't have needed saving without medical intervention being introduced to begin with.
We are mammals. We birth by instinct, and any interruption in that process causes problems. That means the machine that goes BING!, the hep-lock or IV, bright lights, and hospital gowns. And ladies, those are just the mild interventions.
Why in an age where we refuse to become the poster housewife of the 50's, demanded our rights to vote, break down stereotypes left and right, and are taking sledgehammers to glass ceilings daily are we allowing our bodies to be hijacked like this? Why aren't more women standing up and saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! I am perfectly capable of giving birth! I don't need you to make sure I do it right!
I realize everyone won't choose homebirth...it makes me sad...but I still accept it. Fine then, go birth at the hospital. But for the sake of all things good and holy, make sure they know who is freaking in charge! Why aren't we telling the doctors...NO! Why aren't we saying, "You are here as the guardrail...not the highway!"
I hope the current birth movement will help women to question. I hope my daughters' generations will say these things. I hope they will learn and understand about prenatal nutrition and all of the things it can (and will) prevent.
I hope I am still here the day natural, safe birth does not have to marketed in order to be chosen.
Why on earth are we having to market birth to women today???!!! Why is the safest, most gentle way of birthing treated as the red-headed stepchild of labor and delivery?
I have a few theories.
1. The Dr's said so. I mean, it's ACOG. A bunch of men with alphabet soup behind their names. They said you'd better go to the hospital. And lordy lordy make sure they don't forget the machine that goes BING! And no one questions this? No one questions the ONE group of people who stand to PROFIT from 99+ percent of the female population giving birth in a hospital?
2. We are a nation of frivilous lawsuits. Obstetricians can barely afford their malpractice insurance, at least that is how it is in my state. I personally know one doctor who was sued by one patient for not doing a cesarean and which left her with (completely unrelated) butt pain, and by another who sued him for LEGAL malpractice because the lawyers told her she did not have a suit. Yep, he got sued because he couldn't be sued.
3. We've completely forgotten the friggin rights we worked so damn hard to get. Where are all of the feminists in this time that we so desperately need a revolution in birth?!
4. Influential people like Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Posh Spice, Britney Spears, and Gwen Stefani are now sporting a little something extra along their bikini line thanks to cesarean surgeries, some of which were completely elective.
5. Complete and total lack of education.
Really it is a combination of all of these things I am quite sure, plus a plethora of other just as ludicrous reasons.
What women in America have failed to realize is that obstetricians are specialists. They specialize in high risk pregnancy and birth. And in the most normal of circumstances they are likely to find something that seems high risk. Another common oversight is one that goes hand in hand with the first. OB's treat - not prevent. So when I hear women say...oh but I HAD to have an emergency c-section or I am SO lucky I had my doctor there he saved my/my baby's life...I kinda throw up in my mouth a little. Emergency surgeries do not take 30-45 minutes to get underway. I can promise you that if your doc said...uh oh looks like we need to do an emergency c-sec and they took their sweet time getting you prepped...it was not an emergency. An emergency means you are put to sleep and your surgery is underway in less than ten minutes. Those are rare, even with the rates of cesarean these days. And as far as the doc saving 'my/my baby's' life...well...here's the thing...it most likely wouldn't have needed saving without medical intervention being introduced to begin with.
We are mammals. We birth by instinct, and any interruption in that process causes problems. That means the machine that goes BING!, the hep-lock or IV, bright lights, and hospital gowns. And ladies, those are just the mild interventions.
Why in an age where we refuse to become the poster housewife of the 50's, demanded our rights to vote, break down stereotypes left and right, and are taking sledgehammers to glass ceilings daily are we allowing our bodies to be hijacked like this? Why aren't more women standing up and saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! I am perfectly capable of giving birth! I don't need you to make sure I do it right!
I realize everyone won't choose homebirth...it makes me sad...but I still accept it. Fine then, go birth at the hospital. But for the sake of all things good and holy, make sure they know who is freaking in charge! Why aren't we telling the doctors...NO! Why aren't we saying, "You are here as the guardrail...not the highway!"
I hope the current birth movement will help women to question. I hope my daughters' generations will say these things. I hope they will learn and understand about prenatal nutrition and all of the things it can (and will) prevent.
I hope I am still here the day natural, safe birth does not have to marketed in order to be chosen.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Best thing that happened to me today
I am comfortably wearing a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to in over a year. Now I won't tell you what size, as really it's no where near where I'd like to be lol. And they really aren't my style of jeans I typically like to wear. But still, buttoned and I'm not dying or even uncomfortable. It's made me happy.
Putting on these jeans successfully (when a few weeks ago I could not) has gotten me to thinking. I mean I've never ever been a skinny girl. But as an adult it simply has not bothered me as much. And after three kids, I assure you my body is not better for the wear. LOL As I began to ponder this I realized I have felt better about myself in the past 5 years than ever before in my life. And I've wondered why exactly.
I can attribute tiny parts of it to many things in life. Having two children naturally at home with births that I can only describe as amazingly empowering, pulling out of the worst depression I've ever faced, facing and accepting the demons of my past, overcoming a lifelong battle with an eating disorder, discovering what I want to do with my life's energy, watching almost three dozen women come into their own through giving birth and becoming empowered, or simply becoming a mother to daughters who look to me for an example of self esteem. All of these things have marked me for the better. But still, they don't really pin down the reason for my fairly newfound confidence, considering my almost thirty years.
Then I remembered something a very close friend said to me the other day.
her ~ You know something I've always kind of been jealous of about you?
me ~ what?
her ~ Your confidence.
Now, she has known me for ten years. We weren't close for about the first year or so of that. But when we began to get close was when I was going through my divorce. And then it hit me. That was it. That was the birth of my confidence. My ex-husband and I had a toxic relationship, and in the end he belittled me quite often. I felt so small and useless. And when I finally left him I felt naked. Every single day was like that dream where you are at school/work and you suddenly realize everybody is staring at you like you are naked. If I had held on to the worthlessness, the bottomless pit of feeling so small, I would have simply melted away. I would have become exactly what he made me believe I was. And it started small. It was a long long process. But finally I did have exactly what she has seen in me: confidence. And now that I have it I won't ever look back.
Putting on these jeans successfully (when a few weeks ago I could not) has gotten me to thinking. I mean I've never ever been a skinny girl. But as an adult it simply has not bothered me as much. And after three kids, I assure you my body is not better for the wear. LOL As I began to ponder this I realized I have felt better about myself in the past 5 years than ever before in my life. And I've wondered why exactly.
I can attribute tiny parts of it to many things in life. Having two children naturally at home with births that I can only describe as amazingly empowering, pulling out of the worst depression I've ever faced, facing and accepting the demons of my past, overcoming a lifelong battle with an eating disorder, discovering what I want to do with my life's energy, watching almost three dozen women come into their own through giving birth and becoming empowered, or simply becoming a mother to daughters who look to me for an example of self esteem. All of these things have marked me for the better. But still, they don't really pin down the reason for my fairly newfound confidence, considering my almost thirty years.
Then I remembered something a very close friend said to me the other day.
her ~ You know something I've always kind of been jealous of about you?
me ~ what?
her ~ Your confidence.
Now, she has known me for ten years. We weren't close for about the first year or so of that. But when we began to get close was when I was going through my divorce. And then it hit me. That was it. That was the birth of my confidence. My ex-husband and I had a toxic relationship, and in the end he belittled me quite often. I felt so small and useless. And when I finally left him I felt naked. Every single day was like that dream where you are at school/work and you suddenly realize everybody is staring at you like you are naked. If I had held on to the worthlessness, the bottomless pit of feeling so small, I would have simply melted away. I would have become exactly what he made me believe I was. And it started small. It was a long long process. But finally I did have exactly what she has seen in me: confidence. And now that I have it I won't ever look back.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
I've been tagged...
...and well, I never pass up a challenge. And even though I've done this before, I'll try to come up with ten completely new weird/random facts about me.
Alright folks, hold on to your panties.
1. I am a complete and total word whore. Anybody ever seen the movie Threesome? Remember the chick that can orgasm from hearing big words? Yeah, total word whore.
2. I call everybody by southern pet names. For example: baby, sweetie, sweetheart, hon, honey, and yes...sometimes sugar.
3. I love love love giving birth, however I do not enjoy parenting as much as I thought I would. Nobody ever told me how difficult of a job it truly is.
4. Before you hate me for 3, I will add that though hard as hell parenting is also the coolest thing ever.
5. I constantly contradict myself. (Reread 3 & 4 if you don't belive me.) This is the true meaning of the Gemini twins btw, dual personalities.
6. I've had two near death experiences. One was a car accident 4 days before I turned 18 in which someone was killed (obviously not me) and the other was riding a 3-wheeler when I was a teenager. I was supposed to ramp and didn't, which almost sent the bike forward on top of my unprotected head and neck.
7. I can be very easily swayed from my opinions most of the time if your arguement is good enough.
8. I like arguing. A lot.
9. There are two things that make me happier than anything else on the face of the earth: ice cream cones & the movie Dirty Dancing.
10. I broke my best friend's finger when I was 15...on purpose.
And if you've ever read one of my tag blogs...then you know how it ends. I tag....nobody. Stop the insanity!!!
Alright folks, hold on to your panties.
1. I am a complete and total word whore. Anybody ever seen the movie Threesome? Remember the chick that can orgasm from hearing big words? Yeah, total word whore.
2. I call everybody by southern pet names. For example: baby, sweetie, sweetheart, hon, honey, and yes...sometimes sugar.
3. I love love love giving birth, however I do not enjoy parenting as much as I thought I would. Nobody ever told me how difficult of a job it truly is.
4. Before you hate me for 3, I will add that though hard as hell parenting is also the coolest thing ever.
5. I constantly contradict myself. (Reread 3 & 4 if you don't belive me.) This is the true meaning of the Gemini twins btw, dual personalities.
6. I've had two near death experiences. One was a car accident 4 days before I turned 18 in which someone was killed (obviously not me) and the other was riding a 3-wheeler when I was a teenager. I was supposed to ramp and didn't, which almost sent the bike forward on top of my unprotected head and neck.
7. I can be very easily swayed from my opinions most of the time if your arguement is good enough.
8. I like arguing. A lot.
9. There are two things that make me happier than anything else on the face of the earth: ice cream cones & the movie Dirty Dancing.
10. I broke my best friend's finger when I was 15...on purpose.
And if you've ever read one of my tag blogs...then you know how it ends. I tag....nobody. Stop the insanity!!!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
It is better to have loved and lost...
This is something I wrote a while back for something else and when I was reading over it tonight I thought I would share. I can't think of a single person I know who hasn't loved and lost...so read...hopefully enjoy...show me love.
It is better to have loved and lost...
That's the saying isn't it? It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
Getting over someone is the hardest thing known to mankind - or womankind as the case may be. There are all kinds of relationships with all kinds of levels. There are connections on each of those levels. And some are easily moved on from. You know moving on is the right thing, you are thankful for that person's presence in your life, and you move on. Or you hate them, can't stand the sight of them, and moving on is even easier. But sometimes, sometimes moving on is the most painful experience there is. It can rip your heart out, eat it like a wild animal, and regurgitate it to be reinserted and ripped out again.
Rarely in life do you find another person that there is a connection on all levels. Someone who stimulates your mind, body, emotions, and all your senses at once. It is almost overload to find these people. You see them and think, wow I'd like to know that person. Then you seek them out. Then BAM! Overload!!
Losing a connection like this begs the question of what the entire purpose of the relationship was. Walking away with personal growth may seem like the obvious answer. And yet, you must wonder if there wasn't some easier (less heart-regurgitated) way to achieve this growth.
And still, we continue on. We live and love. Each time opening ourselves up to another person for this pain. And at times we get it, in all of the ripping out glory that love can bring. And we grow. Right? We grow.
Perhaps it is better to have loved and lost. Perhaps that connection to another human being is so sacred that we welcome the chance to have our heart shredded even for a glimpse of what could've been. I know I have.
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