It's funny to me how torn I am writing this blog again this year. There are a multitude of reasons, but mainly it is because I want to make sure I can convey my feelings well. This topic is very important to me, it's close to home. Most importantly, I want to make sure that anyone in the gay community who happens to read will feel a sense of....yep that's right, PRIDE.
Last year I wrote a pride blog on a challenge given in a LGBT blog group for, well, obviously folks of the gay persuasion; as well as friends, family, and just plain ole' supporters of gays. It was a great blogging group, but it went away. Still, I figured I should challenge myself again this year. So, let's do this, shall we?
Last year I said, I can only say what pride means to me. And really, that is all I can do. But as I grow and change, I think I gain more understanding. Or, at least I hope I do. So, maybe my perception has changed some.
I suppose I could tell you that pride is all about equal rights. Equality the queer community so deserves to have. It is hard for me to understand why we in this country, the land of the free after all, have to fight so hard for basic human rights. The black community did it, women did it, and now the gay community is doing it. I have no doubt that their battle will be won, that's what happens here. Get enough people to care and you can do anything. But that's not what pride is about, not really.
I could tell you pride is about tolerance. But tolerance is such a patronizing word. We say it all the time, we preach it over the "intolerant." Tolerance means nothing more than, "I don't like you but since we have to share the same air space I'll do my best not to kill you." It is demeaning and rude to tolerate someone. So, that is not what pride is about at all.
Here is what pride means to me: acceptance. Acceptance of who you are. Acceptance of freedom and love and equality in all things. Acceptance of people to not fit into little boxes that we can neatly categorize and shelve. Acceptance of the amazing resiliance and strength of the human race. Acceptance of your fear of change and rejection and difference. Acceptance.
I hope we get it one day. I hope we really can look all human beings in the eye and love them, and mean it. I hope we can take joy in our differences. I hope we can all take up the sprit of pride. My challenge to all of us is to do just that. Take on the spirit of pride. Be proud of who you are; be proud of the amazing, radical people who create change generation after generation; be proud of the freedom we have and work to change the freedoms we don't. Take pride in the gay community, celebrate this time with them. If you are a part of that community, hold your head up high. Honor the memory that this week, this month has come to represent.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
A tag blog
Alright, guys, it's ten weird things.
1 - I can't stand to hear anyone eat. If I'm close enough I'll normally move away or try to make conversation.
2 - I'm a bitch but most people don't see it. Ask anyone, usually you'll get a description somewhere along the lines of sweet, nice, etc.
3 - I'm double jointed in both of my middle fingers and a couple of toes. Also, I can stretch my pinky toe unnaturally far away from the other toes.
4 - I'm weird about spelling and grammar. Trust me, if you use bad grammar I will laugh at you. Maybe not to your face, but still.
5 - As a kid I absolutely could not sleep with any body part uncovered except my face for fear that the indian under my bed would chop the uncovered part off.
6 - Still on sleeping, I have to have the sheet tucked in the bottom of the bed a certain way and the top of the sheet folded neatly over the covers to even think about falling asleep.
7 - I used to be painfully shy until I figured out there was no point in caring what other people thought of me. Now, I still like to observe people before jumping in but that's not out of shyness.
8 - As much as I love to write, I think most of it is crap. And yet I continue on anyway. :)
9 - I'm scared of the dark in a serious way.
10 - My favorite smells are fresh mowed grass, the smell of rain right before and after it starts falling, and gasoline. I freaking love the smell of gasoline.
And so, according to the rules of tag-dom I'm now supposed to go on and tag like 15 people or something. Just kidding, I think it's five. But, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm ending it. That's right people, the tag stops here. If you feel compelled to tell me about your weirdness, go right ahead. What can I say? I'm a rebel.
1 - I can't stand to hear anyone eat. If I'm close enough I'll normally move away or try to make conversation.
2 - I'm a bitch but most people don't see it. Ask anyone, usually you'll get a description somewhere along the lines of sweet, nice, etc.
3 - I'm double jointed in both of my middle fingers and a couple of toes. Also, I can stretch my pinky toe unnaturally far away from the other toes.
4 - I'm weird about spelling and grammar. Trust me, if you use bad grammar I will laugh at you. Maybe not to your face, but still.
5 - As a kid I absolutely could not sleep with any body part uncovered except my face for fear that the indian under my bed would chop the uncovered part off.
6 - Still on sleeping, I have to have the sheet tucked in the bottom of the bed a certain way and the top of the sheet folded neatly over the covers to even think about falling asleep.
7 - I used to be painfully shy until I figured out there was no point in caring what other people thought of me. Now, I still like to observe people before jumping in but that's not out of shyness.
8 - As much as I love to write, I think most of it is crap. And yet I continue on anyway. :)
9 - I'm scared of the dark in a serious way.
10 - My favorite smells are fresh mowed grass, the smell of rain right before and after it starts falling, and gasoline. I freaking love the smell of gasoline.
And so, according to the rules of tag-dom I'm now supposed to go on and tag like 15 people or something. Just kidding, I think it's five. But, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm ending it. That's right people, the tag stops here. If you feel compelled to tell me about your weirdness, go right ahead. What can I say? I'm a rebel.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Remember when
Remember that first New Years' Eve when we had nothing to do and so we drove to the K-Mart that was going out of business. We bought that camera we were so proud of. And the Korn CD. You wore that CD out as soon as we got home. Then we got drunk off Tequila and counted down the New Year watching the ball drop. Remember before that I didn't realize the ball dropped a whole hour earlier than our midnight and it pissed me off so we counted down the New Year twice? That's still one of my all time favorite New Years.
Remember when we were kids and everything was a competition? I think our moms made it that way. Who raised more for the jump-a-thon, who had the higher IQ, who scored higher on what, who read more books in that damn book-a-thon thing we did each year. But that one day, the day we lost the most beautiful lady in the world, our common denominator, I saw you differently than ever before. Since then you've been more of a sister to me than the ones I've actually had. Do you remember that day on the concrete steps in front of her house? I do, it's one of my favorite memories because I knew I'd lost her but gained you in the process.
Remember the summer when we made it a practice of sneaking out, and sneaking people in? You got ratted out because somebody had it out for you, and you never told on me. Thank you for being such a good friend.
Remember when we first became friends? I was walking past your house and I stopped to talk to your cousin. You chased after me when I left and we walked around the neighborhood talking. We were inseparable after that. I still remember what we talked about, seventeen years later. I'm glad you followed me.
Remember when you did that piece on that news special? I don't mean to bring up something bad for you, but I want you to know how proud I was of you because you were so brave. I'm still proud. You've become a more beautiful lady than I ever could have imagined.
Remember when you wrote me the most adorable love note and handed it to me on the school bus? And when I hurt my knee a few weeks later I couldn't go to school for a couple of days. And I believe it was the third day, it was raining, and my mom was going to drive me to school. Right before we left though, you were standing on my front porch with an umbrella and you carried my backpack and crutches to the bus then came back and carried me?
Remember when I was 'babysitting' my little cousins across the street from you and we got scared thinking we heard footsteps in the hall. We called you and you came over and walked through the house and laughed at us for being scaredy cats. I felt so silly because we were the exact same age. I bet you don't remember that, but I do.
Remember when we were 'going together' in school and life was so sweetly simple that we were living on the edge by tucking our hands in each others' back pockets? That was one of my favorite years of school, eighth grade, and I'm glad you were a part of it.
Remember when we used to lock you two bratty boys out of the bathroom and you'd always climb in through the dirty clothes entrance in the closet. Remember when we found that little hatch door? Damn we were so excited. Somtimes I wonder if you two would still fit through that little door.
These are some of my favorite things to remember, so I thought I'd see if you remember too.
Remember when we were kids and everything was a competition? I think our moms made it that way. Who raised more for the jump-a-thon, who had the higher IQ, who scored higher on what, who read more books in that damn book-a-thon thing we did each year. But that one day, the day we lost the most beautiful lady in the world, our common denominator, I saw you differently than ever before. Since then you've been more of a sister to me than the ones I've actually had. Do you remember that day on the concrete steps in front of her house? I do, it's one of my favorite memories because I knew I'd lost her but gained you in the process.
Remember the summer when we made it a practice of sneaking out, and sneaking people in? You got ratted out because somebody had it out for you, and you never told on me. Thank you for being such a good friend.
Remember when we first became friends? I was walking past your house and I stopped to talk to your cousin. You chased after me when I left and we walked around the neighborhood talking. We were inseparable after that. I still remember what we talked about, seventeen years later. I'm glad you followed me.
Remember when you did that piece on that news special? I don't mean to bring up something bad for you, but I want you to know how proud I was of you because you were so brave. I'm still proud. You've become a more beautiful lady than I ever could have imagined.
Remember when you wrote me the most adorable love note and handed it to me on the school bus? And when I hurt my knee a few weeks later I couldn't go to school for a couple of days. And I believe it was the third day, it was raining, and my mom was going to drive me to school. Right before we left though, you were standing on my front porch with an umbrella and you carried my backpack and crutches to the bus then came back and carried me?
Remember when I was 'babysitting' my little cousins across the street from you and we got scared thinking we heard footsteps in the hall. We called you and you came over and walked through the house and laughed at us for being scaredy cats. I felt so silly because we were the exact same age. I bet you don't remember that, but I do.
Remember when we were 'going together' in school and life was so sweetly simple that we were living on the edge by tucking our hands in each others' back pockets? That was one of my favorite years of school, eighth grade, and I'm glad you were a part of it.
Remember when we used to lock you two bratty boys out of the bathroom and you'd always climb in through the dirty clothes entrance in the closet. Remember when we found that little hatch door? Damn we were so excited. Somtimes I wonder if you two would still fit through that little door.
These are some of my favorite things to remember, so I thought I'd see if you remember too.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Sometimes
Sometimes life really is all rainbows and sunshine.
Sometimes I miss the freedom of youth.
Sometimes I wonder how many licks does it take?
Sometimes I want to drive without stopping.
Sometimes I love you simply because you are you.
Sometimes I wish I knew who my true friends are.
Sometimes you can actually feel your heart breaking.
Sometimes I wish we could all just admit we're nothing more than selfish assholes.
Sometimes I wish everyone could see me for who I am.
Sometimes I am proud of all I have accomplished.
Sometimes I hate you simply for being you.
Sometimes I like to play in the rain.
Sometimes all it takes to make a person happy is cotton candy.
Sometimes the best things in life really are free.
Sometimes I sleep with my eyes open.
Sometimes I only pretend I'm listening.
Sometimes I wish I had super powers.
Sometimes I wish I weren't fluent in body language and nuances.
Sometimes I wish you would make up your mind.
Sometimes I think normal anything is an oxymoron.
Sometimes I wish I could speak Swahili.
Sometimes I am more afraid than you.
Sometimes I argue with myself.
Sometimes I wonder what the hell we're all doing.
Sometimes I'd rather pretend life is perfect.
Sometimes I wish you would make up your mind.
Sometimes I find it hard to care.
Sometimes I don't feel up to the challenge.
Sometimes I surprise myself.
Sometimes I might surprise you.
Sometimes I'll let you in.
Sometimes I pretend I'm fifteen again.
Sometimes I miss the way it used to be.
Sometimes.
Sometimes I miss the freedom of youth.
Sometimes I wonder how many licks does it take?
Sometimes I want to drive without stopping.
Sometimes I love you simply because you are you.
Sometimes I wish I knew who my true friends are.
Sometimes you can actually feel your heart breaking.
Sometimes I wish we could all just admit we're nothing more than selfish assholes.
Sometimes I wish everyone could see me for who I am.
Sometimes I am proud of all I have accomplished.
Sometimes I hate you simply for being you.
Sometimes I like to play in the rain.
Sometimes all it takes to make a person happy is cotton candy.
Sometimes the best things in life really are free.
Sometimes I sleep with my eyes open.
Sometimes I only pretend I'm listening.
Sometimes I wish I had super powers.
Sometimes I wish I weren't fluent in body language and nuances.
Sometimes I wish you would make up your mind.
Sometimes I think normal anything is an oxymoron.
Sometimes I wish I could speak Swahili.
Sometimes I am more afraid than you.
Sometimes I argue with myself.
Sometimes I wonder what the hell we're all doing.
Sometimes I'd rather pretend life is perfect.
Sometimes I wish you would make up your mind.
Sometimes I find it hard to care.
Sometimes I don't feel up to the challenge.
Sometimes I surprise myself.
Sometimes I might surprise you.
Sometimes I'll let you in.
Sometimes I pretend I'm fifteen again.
Sometimes I miss the way it used to be.
Sometimes.
Friday, June 8, 2007
They say it's your birthday...
...it's my birthday too, yeah.
Well, it may not be your birthday (unless you're Alex), but it is mine! And while I am completely stoked at my birthday weekend (that's right I get a whole weekend), I thought I'd share a story with you from birthdays passed.
Four days before I turned 18 I had a pretty bad car accident. Totaled my car completely. As much as that sucked, it didn't quite suck as bad as not being able to remember my 18th birthday. I know that was the day I got a new car (new to me). All I can remember about that was my car criteria: no maroon or silver, and it had to be a standard. So the first car we walked up on I said, this is perfect, let's get it. My dad was very surprised and asked if I wanted to at least drive it first, which I didn't. So he drove it, and that was exactly the car we got.
Now, I must tell you I had some truly lovely friends. They loved me greatly and had been planning a surprise party for me for a bit. I'm not exactly sure who planned the party, that part is a little cloudy, but I have to tell you walking into a room full of people yelling surprise when you're high on painkillers sporting whiplash and a concussion is not exactly fun. But the sentiment, well it still gives me warm tingly feelings. That's my only other memory of that day, the "SURPRISE!!!".
I'll give you updates at the end of my birthday weekend. *sigh* I'm so lucky to be me. :)
Well, it may not be your birthday (unless you're Alex), but it is mine! And while I am completely stoked at my birthday weekend (that's right I get a whole weekend), I thought I'd share a story with you from birthdays passed.
Four days before I turned 18 I had a pretty bad car accident. Totaled my car completely. As much as that sucked, it didn't quite suck as bad as not being able to remember my 18th birthday. I know that was the day I got a new car (new to me). All I can remember about that was my car criteria: no maroon or silver, and it had to be a standard. So the first car we walked up on I said, this is perfect, let's get it. My dad was very surprised and asked if I wanted to at least drive it first, which I didn't. So he drove it, and that was exactly the car we got.
Now, I must tell you I had some truly lovely friends. They loved me greatly and had been planning a surprise party for me for a bit. I'm not exactly sure who planned the party, that part is a little cloudy, but I have to tell you walking into a room full of people yelling surprise when you're high on painkillers sporting whiplash and a concussion is not exactly fun. But the sentiment, well it still gives me warm tingly feelings. That's my only other memory of that day, the "SURPRISE!!!".
I'll give you updates at the end of my birthday weekend. *sigh* I'm so lucky to be me. :)
Friday, June 1, 2007
So the coolness of my day...
I caught a baby today...wait for it....at the hospital! There I was, bedside to mom as I usually am, and the doctor was already being really cool making sure I could see EVERYTHING going on and stuff. And all of a sudden she looks at me and goes, "Why don't you get gloved and gowned and you can help me out?" I'm like, ok, cause I figure she means just so I can be in the sterile field since I usually am all up in it anyway and most docs don't like that. :) What can I say? I'm a rebel. Anywho, so mom's pushing and we're closer to THE time and doc looks at me again and goes, ok so after the head delivers I'll deliver the anterior shoulder and you can take it from there. Um, ok doc. And so that's what happened. I got to catch the baby and give him to his oh so happy to have him out mommy.
Also, heard the funniest shit today from this mom after giving birth. She goes, well it was kind of like having sex but not as fun! HA!!! First time EVER!!!
Let's see, what else has my random day included? Or rather, my random life.
Oh yeah, so driving to the birth was an experience. I had to go over an hour and was so afraid I'd miss it cause dad called me to tell me mom was pretty bad off. So I'm driving and breaking every speed law along the way, hazards going the entire time. How many big trucks do you think pulled over in front of me? Seriously, it was like ten! I was like...hello?! flashers!!
Also, I've discovered the heaven that is energy drinks! Until recently I had never had the little piece of ecstacy that these are. Years of being pregnant or a boob dealer will do that to ya. But, all that is behind me now and I plan on abusing my body in every way possible. :) Bet you're wondering if I'm kidding aren't ya? I won't tell though, I'd rather let you wonder.
Another very exciting thing is my birthday which is NEXT WEEK! I am very excited about this! Birthdays do not phase me and I plan on having them for as long as possible. I like to make a big deal over myself. And this is one day of the year I get to do that without being called narcissistic (that was so spelled wrong first time around lol, thank you google). So, I celebrate and a big deal I make. I even have a birthday song. :) I begin to sing it every day starting, oh about now. I've done this for years. It makes me happy.
Alright, I'm out. I haven't been blogging much. It isn't that I don't have anything to say, cause...well...I always have something to say. I've just been busy hanging with the cool kids. That's right, I'm a cool kid now. Be very jealous.
Also, heard the funniest shit today from this mom after giving birth. She goes, well it was kind of like having sex but not as fun! HA!!! First time EVER!!!
Let's see, what else has my random day included? Or rather, my random life.
Oh yeah, so driving to the birth was an experience. I had to go over an hour and was so afraid I'd miss it cause dad called me to tell me mom was pretty bad off. So I'm driving and breaking every speed law along the way, hazards going the entire time. How many big trucks do you think pulled over in front of me? Seriously, it was like ten! I was like...hello?! flashers!!
Also, I've discovered the heaven that is energy drinks! Until recently I had never had the little piece of ecstacy that these are. Years of being pregnant or a boob dealer will do that to ya. But, all that is behind me now and I plan on abusing my body in every way possible. :) Bet you're wondering if I'm kidding aren't ya? I won't tell though, I'd rather let you wonder.
Another very exciting thing is my birthday which is NEXT WEEK! I am very excited about this! Birthdays do not phase me and I plan on having them for as long as possible. I like to make a big deal over myself. And this is one day of the year I get to do that without being called narcissistic (that was so spelled wrong first time around lol, thank you google). So, I celebrate and a big deal I make. I even have a birthday song. :) I begin to sing it every day starting, oh about now. I've done this for years. It makes me happy.
Alright, I'm out. I haven't been blogging much. It isn't that I don't have anything to say, cause...well...I always have something to say. I've just been busy hanging with the cool kids. That's right, I'm a cool kid now. Be very jealous.
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