Honoring another one...

Today is the day I became a mother. It was October 24, 2000. At 1:52 in the afternoon. My screaming baby girl made her entrance. She was big. In so so many ways. I remember the first moments she spent in my arms as if they were yesterday. I studied her face and wondered how any mother could part with their flesh and blood; I wondered how mine could part with me. And I promised her that I would always protect her. Now I know that is a promise I will not be able to keep but I would give anything if I could.

She came into this world changing it. I have no doubt she will continue to do so. i owe her more than I probably owe any other person in my life. She brought me to my journey in life. With strength and beauty.

In celebration of

I've had a lot going on and I haven't been able to sit down and write this blog. But my baby boy celebrated his third birthday last week. It is hard to believe it has been three years since he made his grand entrance into my world. He brought with him peace and healing to my soul. I feel as if in many ways I owe him my life for the gifts he gave to me.

I hope one day he will truly understand what his life means to me. I hope he will make himself proud. My wish for him is happiness, in whatever form that takes. Tall orders for a three year old I know.

I hope that he won't grow too fast. The three years I've known him seem like a blink of an eye. The morning he was born the sun was pouring through my living room windows. I remember feeling like the whole scene was so surreal. Outside cars raced by on the busy highway that went in front of our house. I thought to myself how life was so normal out there. And in the peace and safety of my home I stood leaning against my husband bringing my son into the world. And when he was here he waited for me to talk to him before he drew in his first breaths. My son. My life.

This was the first day.

I can take Miss Cleo

Ok, seriously, this blog is so not about tooting my own horn. I believe we all have God-given gifts and how we choose to use them and display them determines how we they develop, or not. So, that's my disclaimer. I will now proceed with telling you about the coolest fucking thing to happen to me today.

I have been priveledged to experience some pretty cool stuff. One such "stuff" is sometimes I know things before they happen. Sometimes. :)

So today I was taking my oldest to ballet. She takes it from a huge ballet company locally through a baptist church. When you go in the church you have to walk up a very large staircase then at the top go left and down a small staircase to get to her room. I was following her up the stairs with my baby on my hip. As soon as I was on the stairs I had what I can only describe as a vision of a baby (I first thought my baby) falling down the stairs because she had been playing at the top. (She's a new crawler.) I shook it off and kept going upstairs. Once at the top, I instinctively looked to my left toward the other staircase. I am not shitting you about what happened next.

Teetering at the top of the small staircase was a baby. She had crawled over while her mom was tending to tying her sister's ballet shoes. She was about to put her arm down on the first step when it registered to me and I managed to get out, "Oh! Oh! Oh! Baby! Baby!" Her mom said OH MY GOD! and grabbed her up before she could fall. I stll can't believe how it happened. I had chills for probably ten minutes after. All I can say is I am thankful I saw what I did so I actually did't have to see what I could have.

God made sex and it was good

So today during my normal internet surfing I found this. Yep, it's a Christian sex shop. I know, it's a little ironic. The name of the shop is Book 22, after Song of Solomon, the 22nd book of the Christian bible. For those who may not know, this is the raciest and sexiest book of the bible. And if you are familiar with just how to read this book, it's quite the work of erotica.

Anyhoo, the purpose of this little shop is to offer sex toys to people who might be morally opposed to porn or nude people. Which I think is a good thing. More orgasms in the world surely cannot hurt anything.

My point is that I am very glad to see this actually. I grew up in the Christian religion, and trust me when I say it is very sexually repressed. I know this might come as quite a surprise to you. But you must trust me on this one.

I know you must be wondering what exactly a Christian sex shop would sell. I know I was. Well, there are massage oils, lubes, candles, and the like. There are also cock rings and crochless panties. His and hers vibrating underwear. I was pleasantly surprised to see "aids" like vibrating bullets, including the little tongue one. I know, I know. Get to the good stuff right?

Ok. I'm getting there.

Yes, they actually do sell dildos. Nice, fancy vibrating ones too. The kinds with twirly goodness with nice clit hitters attached. Yep, they stock the good stuff. Pretty much the only stuff I didn't find are double dongs, strap-ons, or whips 'n chains type stuff. I figure all of that is probably because those lines of pleasure imply things the church is explicitly against. But, eh, can't have everything right?

Oh yes, and I forgot to mention one last thing. They were smart enough to know that many christians struggle with the issue of sexuality and especially sex toys or 'spicing up' their sex life. I mean, when was the last time you heard of a sermon on sex that wasn't teeming with negativity? To help with this issue, there is this. I actually think there is a pretty healthy view of sex presented here, outside of the whole guilt thing. You know what I mean, only sex in marriage, gays are bad, etc.

Ok, so. Just wanted to share what I found. Sex is good. Sex toys are great. Even the church agrees. Finally.

School Days

So, obviously we made it through the first day of school, and amazingly the first week as well. Pretty much every day the damn school has done something to piss me off enough that I want to homeschool. Mostly, it's the line I have to go through in order to drop off and pick up my kid. The amount of cars surrounding the school and the neighboring church is outrageous. I have to get there a half hour before school lets out so that my kid only spends ten minutes or so out in three digit heat instead of a half hour or more. Three grades, K5 - 2, and the damn school has 1,193 students. So, yeah.

In other, yet still related, news...my five year old brought home her first homework assignment yesterday. Yes, homework in kindergarten. Did we ever have homework that young, besides trying to remember not to pick our nose? Anyway, she had to trace and then draw L's and l's, 3 lines of each. I am not shitting you when I say we didn't even get halfway through putting her name on the first line before she sighs really big and says, "I hate studying." I'm sitting there thinking how much I dread this for the next 12 years. The next five minutes go something like this:

She's written: Kie

Me - Kierstyn, what comes next in your name?
Her - I don't know.
Me - Yes you do.
Her - But I'm so tired.

She writes: r

Repeat that for s, then t, then y, then n. Bang your head against the wall half a dozen times and you'll understand exactly how I felt. I dread term paper days.

Letting Go

So tonight we completed my daughter's kindergarten registration. She met her teacher and saw her cubby hole. We got lost finding her class. In a school that houses only three grades, we got lost.

We got home and I was going through the papers I'd been given to bring home. Included was a school menu. I thought that might be fun for my girl, to go to the cafeteria and get a tray. It will make her feel big.

And then I realized I won't be there for the first time in her life to show her what to do. And I cried. I'm still crying. Will anybody tell her how to do it? Will they make sure she doesn't get lost or feel stupid or alone? How can I know for sure?

There are many people who say parenting gets easier as your children get older. They are more self-sufficieint. They can think for themselves and tell you when they are sick. But that doesn't mean life is easier. Older means you have to let go. That's not easy at all.

And nobody told me about this part.

Ooooo, boobies...

There are quite a few people all up in arms over a magazine cover. No, I'm not talking about Forbidden's playboy cover. Moms all over the country are pissed at what arrived in their mailboxes last month. Here's what I'm talking about:



A few highlights from the article featured in Associated Press. I've added some commentary in red.

One mom of a 13-year-old boy shredded her copy because "A breast is a breast - it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."

Um, no. Actually a breast is not a sexual thing. I mean, I know men really really like them and all. Well, there are quite a few women who do as well. But if the intended function of breasts were to be sexual objects, I highly doubt they'd come equipped with these nifty mammory glands.

One woman said, "I'm totally supportive of it - I just don't like the flashing"

Unless it's spring break

She goes on to say, "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see."

And which breasts fall into this category?

See, the issue to me is not over public breastfeeding. Well, not really. I see how this particular magazine cover got into this area of debate. I mean, it is a breast and all. But the article the picture is supposed to draw attention to is about extended breastfeeding. But people saw this and thought, Oh God! A breast!

Now I don't go out of my way to nurse my kids in the public eye. But I don't smother them with blankets, hide in corners, or make them eat in the bathroom. If you'd like to eat in the corner stall of the bathroom, feel free. But I'll pass.

Here's what I don't get though. This is a parenting magazine. The readers of this magazine are mostly mothers, oodles of whom have probably breastfed at some point in their life. What would they rather be staring at them on that magazine? This?



I mean there's just as much breast showing there. I don't see anybody crying gross over those shots.