See I've grown up in the South. Never been very far out of it actually. My entire family stems from here. What I am going to share with you is only to give some insight...oh hell, I guess into how twisted life can be down here.
Children come into this world pure. They have no prejudices, no baggage. They are like white t-shirts for us to put our paint covered hand prints all over. Scary thing when you get right down to it.
So, it was when I was still one of these cute little Hanes' V-necks waiting for my first handprints, that my ideas of sociably acceptable race relations began to be formed. I was sitting around with my mom and dad (I was an only child) watching Star Search. The act going on stage was a couple performing a dance routine. The girl was a young petite blonde and her dance partner was a strapping young stallion - a black stallion. Now, I wasn't worried at all about their difference in race, only watching their routine of song and dance in amazement and envy. My parents however, saw this as an opportunity to explain to me why people of different races should not date. I was confused, since dating relationships didn't seem any different than friendships in my six-year-old mind. And I was very good friends with a girl at school who was black.
So I ask:
Me ~ What about Tina? Can I be friends with Jane?
Role Models ~ Of course honey, you can be friends with anyone you choose.
Me ~ Really? Can Jane spend the night?
Role Models ~ Um, no. And don't use her hairbrush. (I'm not kidding.)
Me ~ Why? That doesn't make sense.
Role Models ~ Because we said so now watch the TV.
My grandfather, although I've always adored him, is the true patriarch in my family. I can remember as a kid hanging on every word he said. One day he swore to me he could show me the passage in the bible that stated white people were to be revered above other races. No. I. Am. Not. Kidding. I guess gramps doesn't know Jesus wasn't white.
I've wondered how I'd achieve setting my little v-necks on a different path. I didn't want them ever having to question whether I was teaching them something that made sense or not. Most importantly I don't want them to have to undo anything I teach them. I want to raise them to see all people as equal. When my daughter began to ask me about race I decided to teach her that people are like colors in a crayon box. All colors, all shades. She asked me then what color we are. I told her peach. But she got that confused and for about three years called us 'cheap' instead of peach. Damn that was funny too.
Racial slurs were common place growing up in my family, sadly they still fly at times. That's how it is here. Of course, in these politically correct times racial slurs are less common in the general public. But, I'd be ashamed to tell you how often people will say something sideways to me about other races. I heard just yesterday from a complete stranger in a fast food resturant that the manager probably wouldn't do anything about an employee's attitude problem because there were "the same kind" meaning of the same race. I felt physically sick at her comment, so much so I could only walk away.
I'm proud to say I no longer look at people and notice their race. I do not introduce people as my 'black friend' any more than my 'gay friend', my 'baptist friend', my 'psychic friend', my 'fetish friend', etcetera, etcetera. I am a recovered bigot, which I'm fairly sure isn't like a recovering alcoholic. You know, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. I don't see myself falling off the bandwagon and leading a rally. But I own my past because it is part of who I am and reminds me of who I never want to become.
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