Friend Divorce

For some reason I've had a particular ex-friend on my mind all day today. Now I know saying ex-friend sound petty. Very petty. In a high school way. But the truth is that she was very special to me and I was very hurt by the way she abruptly ended our friendship. She and I used to work together. Over the months and years we came to realize we shared a lot in common. We laughed. We cried. We shared things.

I probably knew more about her than anyone in her life. I think she probably knew more about me. There was a certain level of, um, closeness I had not attained with any female friend before. Then one day it just stopped. We were chatting online as we often did after work one night and what began as a regular, friendly chat quickly got ugly. She plainly stated she did not think I was her friend. From there I was told I was a whore, acted like a whore, and was a bad influence. Her only chance for saving her marriage was friend-divorcing me. And that was that. The only friendship I've had since my early high school years that ended with such finality, not to mention name calling.

I guess she's on my mind so much b/c I spent the day close to where we worked and driving home I passed her house. There are days like today I truly miss her friendship and presence in her life. What I found out though was that her dumping me was probably a good thing. Her husband was and is abusive and he didn't like her being my friend. Well, I guess he was okay with it to a certain degree but past that he had to be involved. And neither of us were very big on him butting in. So he pretty much told her she had to move on. Oh and he also told her she was fat (she so wasn't), out of fashion (not that either and even if she was, who cares?!), and a sinner. Yeah, the church thing. She told me that night that she was going back to chuch with her husband and focusing on her family. Now I would have no problem with her picking the church life if she'd done it for any reason besides show. But she didn't. And neither did he.

So, what pisses me off?

Is it him, her over the top husband? No, that's not any of my business. Is it the fact that she dumped me flat on my butt and left my head spinning? Nah, I've had a few years to get over that. What pisses me off is women like her who let men live their lives for them. Women who hand their lives, decisions, waking and sleeping moments over to a man. This is societal, we think men should be revered all because they have an extra piece of equipment. When, in reality, we have more equipment and ours is way cooler anyway. I think the fact that our equipment is generally hidden and not so visible (i.e. Rock out with your cock out) is the reason you generally don't hear of cunt envy.

And that's what pisses me off. She handed her life to him. At least when I handed my life over to a man I was smart enough to take it back.