Something I posted on my birth blog

I posted this on my birth blog, I thought I would share here...

The Ever Increasing Hostility of the World of Birth

I am struck, today, by how hostile the environment of giving birth is becoming in my home state. Not only struck, but saddened, confused, and downright pissed off.

This summer I have had one client already leave the state to give birth because she felt like her chances of having a natural birth in the hospital here were slim to none. I have another client whose due date is evermore impending still undecided on her birth plans because she is a VBAC mom and her choices are, well zero.

Having a VBAC in Mississippi is becoming next to impossible. One hospital in the Jackson metro area has banned VBAC's and I feel sure more will follow suit. Not only this, but the ONE doctor I trusted to refer my clients to for hospital births has become owned by the insurance companies. He doggedly pushes the AFP test and is cracking down on VBAC moms. The newest policy I've heard in place is that he requires an epidural catheter to be in place as soon as mom is in the hospital laboring. Doesn't have to be active, but the needle must be inserted and ready to go.

I am appalled that women are being forced to choose to travel out of state in order to have the birth choices that are rightfully theirs. Even worse, there are women who are limiting their family size because they are afraid of having to fight simply to give birth!

For a while, the birth climate in Mississippi was looking up. Today I am wondering what it will take for us to have the rights and choices we deserve. As a woman who fought to get what the birth I wanted and fought to give that to other women, I am forced to consider how much worse can it get before it gets better?

What if every woman with a scar across her belly stood up and said "NO MORE!" What if every woman with a virgin womb stood up and said "You will NOT tell me how to birth the children yet to enter this body!" What if every woman with milky breasts, crayon colored walls, stained shirts, and tangled hair said "I am in charge of my births!"

Would "they" listen? Would the men who decided we needed them to interfere in the birth process to begin with hush us back and "tsk" at our silly cries for attention? Or would they sit, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, and stare at the brazen revolutionists they've made us become?

I hear all of the abortion debates, "Get your laws off of my body!" and "It's a baby, not a choice!" Why don't I hear the birth cries, "Get your laws out of my uterus!" or "It's MY baby, MY birth, MY body!!"

I'm screaming it. I'm screaming it to anybody that will listen.

Are you?

Go Candi...It's your birthday!

I'm turning 30. Tomorrow. :)

Anyone who knows me knows that I love my birthdays. It doesn't bother me even a little to be getting older. I make a production out of it. I sing a song about it, and more often than not stretch celebrating my aging in this lifetime for a few days rather than simply the day I was born. This year is not different.

It started with my mom taking me to have my nails done as a treat. I went to the place where she has her nails done ever two weeks (at least). So she's on a first name basis with the peeps in the nail salon. The girl doing my nails, LeLe, chatted with me like she'd known me all her life. At one point she said, "we love your mom and she is so proud of you. That's why I feel like I know you. She talks about you constantly and we get all the updates." It made me smile and that smile meant more to me than the schmexy nails I walked away with.

I spent the rest of my evening with friends and family. I was surrounded by friends who have been in my life for years, and some who have been in my life a much shorter time. The whole combination has left me nostalgic and philosophical today. I've realized something, at the end of it all this is what it is about: having people who love you and know who you are. Or maybe I should say know who you are and love you anyway.

One of my closest friends gave me a birthday card with a coupon in it for me to choose my birthday celebration with her. All of the choices were so me. It made me smile to realize this person truly knows me. I shoved more of my lovely friends than not out of the respective comfort zones last night in one way or another. I seem to be good at that lately. Thing is, they let me. And they love me anyway. The let me because they love me. And that makes me a lucky girl.

I have learned over the past five years that we are never done growing. We never stop learning and with knowledge comes maturity. This is why 30 is no big deal to me. It kind of excites me actually. Knowing the things I have learned in the past five years, ten years, fifteen years, I'm pretty damn psyched to see what's around the next corner.

I'm off to spend the day with myself today. I'm pretty psyched about that too. :) Thanks for taking the time to read my random thoughts.

Happy Birthday to me!!!!!

THE most important election

It's coming up. Realistically speaking, this truly is the most important presidential election in history. Our economy is in crisis and our country is at war. Everyone needs to vote, and do so responsibly. This means voting your conscience rather than your party.

Now I've said before that in the past election (and the one before) I didn't vote according to the issues. I voted the way I did because the other candidates were scarier to me than the one I voted for. This time however, I see two very capable candidates heading toward the election.

Today Ellen had Senator McCain on her show. It was interesting to say the least. They discussed the recent decision in California to overturn the ban on gay marriage. And she had him answer questions from the audience. Basically, the main issues he addressed were our military position and the oil crisis. He said he promised to bring our troops home with victory and honor, though he offered no timeline. And to the issue on the oil he expressed America's need to become independent of foreign oil sources.

The things I know that are important to me are what make me undecided in this election. I do believe in absolute freedom and equality, that includes all the major controversial issues. Morality should not be legislated. I also feel we do need to be independent of foreign energy sources and work *hastily* toward saving our environment. I think we need to remember that our president leads the world's largest military during his term, and for years now we have had active military forces in other countries. That means he is going to HAVE to know how to lead and military service can only benefit him. On the same hand, I feel it is time to bring our troops home in the safest way possible. I also wish we had a candidate working toward universal healthcare but I doubt we ever see that in America.

I have many more opinions as I'm sure you can guess. But this is a good overview. I'm not asking for you to tell me how to vote. BUT I would like your opinion. If you have decided who you will cast your vote for, share with me and tell me why. It's almost a sure thing the race will be between Obama and McCain, but if Hilary is your girl feel free to tell me that too and why.

These are NOT valid answers, so please don't waste any of our time with them:

1. I'm not voting b/c nobody's vote counts anyway. (This may be a valid viewpoint at times, but come on this is America and we can't fix what is wrong with Democracy if we don't make our voices heard.)
2. I vote Republican (Democrat) because I am Republican (Democrat). (This is irresponsible and your voting rights should be revoked.)

Also, please don't insult any other viewpoints expressed here. We are all entitled to our opinions and every opinion is a valid one. I learn from people who think differently from me, which is why I'm asking. :)

*Note: this blog was originally posted elsewhere, as where the aforementioned comments. So, comments for it here have been disabled since it is no longer relevant.

Yet another reason why I love this woman

If I haven't said it before...Ani DiFranco kicks so much ass.

Although I believe I have.

Here's (yet another reason) why! Ani Q & A on Venus Zine

My favorite part:

In response to why she chose to have a homebirth and would she do so again...

"I would definitely choose a homebirth again despite the fear mongering of this patriarchal society, which convinces women that they are incapable of having babies without the intervention of men and their machines. I look at societies where women are marginalized and oppressed their whole lives (even covered head to toe in tarps!) but are still in control of birthing practice, in a whole new way now. I mean, who is really more advanced?"

I need her to be my baby mama...too bad somebody's got that covered.

Just to get something out

After having weird dreams for two nights I had a seemingly unrelated thought process this morning. However, unrelated as it may be, I can't stop milling it around. I tend to think, at times like this, that if I keep going over it I will figure out the answer. That rarely happens. So I decided I would get it out so maybe I can at least stop milling it around.

Growing up I had a pretty good childhood. My parents were happily married. These were my perceptions.

I was nineteen before I found out any different. And it shattered my world for a very long time. I guess parts of it are still shattered. I felt like my whole life had been a lie to some degree. Now, today, I am wondering. They (my parents) felt as if they were doing their best for me by keeping the ugliness away from me. But eventually I was bound to find out the ugliness anyway. And when I did I think it was more damaging than if I had just lived through it and learned to accept it in the first place.

There is not point to this really. I just needed to active processing.

But if you do know why I've been dreaming about huge houses, let me know.

Understanding the T in GLBT

I believe I’ve stated elsewhere in my blogs that I am a curious person by nature. When I come across something I am unfamiliar with, I learn. I take that opportunity to broaden my mind and take in new information.

This morning I stumbled upon the T in GLBT. Now I knew what this stood for...transgendered (sometimes transsexual) for those who don’t know. But I didn’t really understand what defined a person as trans. And when I don’t know...I have to find out.

Thank you Google!

I met some really awesome people via the little phenemon known as Google search. I like going through the images. Because then you come across articles but get pictures also. That’s why I say I met them. The faces I saw as I read became so real to me.

The main reason I went in search of scratching my perverbial curious itch this morning was for understanding. I didn’t understand all the verbage or who is called what and I needed to understand that. Not that I currently know any transgendered people personally, but I hope that one day my life is enriched by enough people that I would know some of every type of person.

Anyone can be transgendered. Normal, everyday people. It’s not a disease. It’s not a choice. It’s not an affliction. Although the mental anguish some of these people go through in their biological gender can be. I can’t imagine what that must feel like. The strength and true contentment of so many of the transgendered people I saw is what amazed me.

I didn’t write this today to try to make you understand. Only to say that I wanted to understand. I wish we could all live that way. Seeking to understand what we don’t, rather than being afraid of it. And hating it. How small the world must be to live that way.

Poe, oh Poe, why have you forsaken me?

I am currently very frustrated with my reading situaion. :) Or maybe my writing situation. It could possibly be both.

Anyway, I'm reading a book right now that I borrowed from a friend a while back. Both the author and title are unknown to me: Just Killing Time by Derek Van Arman. Why am I so frustrated you ask? Well, let me just tell you. The very first nerve this little recycled book store treasure hit with me was inconsistency. One of the main characters in the story is a detective. Well there are quite a few detectives to be technical about it, but I am speaking specifically of special agent Scott. We learn on page 25 that "His name was John F. Scott," except I'm guessing the F stands for FUBAR'ed...as we hear him say on page 27, "I am Jack Scott." I guess you could say his name really was John. Why did the editor not catch this?

Now I could just chuckle this off and keep reading, if the book weren't better suited as fire kindle. My rule of thumb when reading is this: If I can write it better, I won't read it. I'm aware that may be conceited and honestly, I don't care. I go to great lengths to use grammar correctly, construct easily read sentences, and a smooth story flow.

Passages such as these are making this book most troublesome to get through:

And together, like a drill team, they swept through the cab, tossing out wrappers and empty cups and old newspapers that they had gathered along their journey. (p. 65)

The duo stopped alongside a white Dodge van as Corless fumbled in pastel blue pants that were too tight for his heavy build. Producing keys, he then slid the bay loading door open. He retreived a dark blue sports jacked with shiny gold buttons that was hanging on a hook. (p. 64)

There is a term known as overwriting. Many authors are guilty of doing it. We think we so badly want you to envision any story we are telling that we feel the need to over explain or give piddly details that simply add words rather than paint a more detailed picture. And for the sanity of all readers who write, please do not use a simile unless you can do it well.

It has occurred to me as I am struggling my way through this book (out of desperation for something to read) that there are so many writers who get published and I have no idea how they made it to where they are. Even some of the most well known authors aren't necessarily the best. I'd dare to say there are few writers who have ever written anything that was beyond criticism. I would even go so far as to say that every writer on the planet knows this, even the most popular authors. There are few so talented they can spin a tale that enthralls their audience from start to finish. Most creative writing majors who become published get stuck in their comfort zone and follow the same patterns, even with very different story lines, book after book. Jodi Picoult is guilty of this, her talent notwithstanding. Modern day literary legends are simply hard to come by, an elite society if you will.

Perhaps I am too harsh, too critical. Even so, the more mediocrity I encounter in the published author the more discouraged I am with the world around me. I devour what compels me with an insatiable hunger then wait for the next tiny morsel like a ravenous lion crouching in the field.

The true genius shudders at incompleteness - and usually prefers silence to saying something which is not everything it should be. ~Edgar Allan Poe