Congratulations to meet you

I am reading this really great book right now by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat Pray Live. Yesterday I came across something in the book that I knew I would need to share. This book is about this lady's (Elizabeth's) nine month journey in three different countries. She lives for three months in Italy, in an Ahsram in India, and with a monk in Indionesia looking for peace and spiritual growth. She embarks on this journey after a nasty divorce closely followed by parting ways with a lover whom she had fallen in love with immediately after her marriage. While talking with a friend at the Ashram about the lover, she tells him that she believed the former lover to be her soul mate. And this is what he told her:

"People think a soul mate is a perfect fit...but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. And thank God for it."

How amazingly insightful this was. I am of the belief that no one on this Earth has only one soul mate. I believe we each have many walking around in the world who we might or might not come across at different points in our lives. They may present to us in the form of a lover, a spouse, a friend, or even a stranger. I have been fortunate enough to encounter a handful of true soul mates over the years. The thing is, it always hurts like hell to have to let them go. But this, this eased some past pain I was holding on to.

Because each of these people have caused me to change. They have caused me to examine something in myself and spark forward motion in my life. And if this forward motion occurs, and I am a better person because of their presence in my life, then losing them isn't really a loss. Their presence was merely a catalyst and they have served their purpose. And Liz's friend, Richard from Texas, is right. To hang on to them forever would be more pain than a person can tolerate. We would forever remain stuck in repeating cycles of whatever was supposed to start the internal change without ever changing.

Now, I feel compelled to add one more thing here. I do have a few soul mates still present in my life. Some are newer than others, and my relationships with them are constantly being defined and redefined. Painful? Hell yes, sometimes it is. But love is painful, I've learned.

Anyway, like I said, this beautiful little insight Mr. Richard from Texas was kind enough to share with Liz offered me a little healing and growth. I thought it might do the same for some of you.

Love and light, beautiful people.

Pass the potatoes, please

With both of my September births behind me, I feel a kind of relief, excitement, and a wave of something fresh in the air. The births were both beautiful, each in their own right. Both moms were strong and amazing, as each birthing woman is to me. I will forever be changed by these two little souls entering the world, as each before has changed me and each to follow will. I will not tell their stories here, because those stories do not belong to me to tell. But I am proud. And tired. :) But much more proud.

Birth always makes me think. Sometimes those thoughts are strange. But, hey, really strange thoughts are nothing new for me. These two births have made me realize something. I have gotten older. And with age, I have gotten wiser. Thank the beautiful Goddess I have finally gotten wiser. For the first time in a very long time I feel in control of myself and wise. I am fulfilled and content. Wow, imagine that.

Here's an analogy that came to me tonight that I'd like to share. People are like food. Some people are like the salad that is served before the meal. You pick at them for the pieces you like, the pieces that are good to you, and leave the rest. The salad doesn't ever fill you up, really it doesn't do anything at all for your hunger, and may even wind up only pissing you off.

Others are side dishes. They look pretty on your plate and usually even taste really good. But you are better off not having too much of them, or else you may not have room for the good stuff.

Then there's the people who are like dessert - amazingly tempting and wonderful in small quantities. You should always have dessert from time to time, by all means a little indulgence is a delicious thing, but too much can do you in.

Then...aaah then...there's the best part - the main course. The meat and potatoes to those of us Southerners. It fills you up, sustains you and gives you energy to continue until your next meal. These are the people that make life so wonderfully worth living.

It's nice to think I'm somebody's meat and potatoes.

To S & J, thank you for inviting me to share in such an amazing and intimate time in your lives. To Ezra & Wyatt, thank you for allowing me to welcome you the moment your souls entered this Earth. May your journey here be as worthwhile and fulfilling as you have helped mine to be.

Oh the woes of parenting

Recently I've become more and more aware of how quickly my baby girl is growing up. I mean I've watched her before, seen the clothes become too small in what feels like a day's time, watched her hair that started as shirly temple curls piled up on her head now reach in amazingly beautiful tendrils down her back, heard the talk about boys and friends at school. She's only 6 (seven in a little over a month) but the hardest part about not homeschooling is that the growing up happens so painfully quick.

I've recently accepted that I am in the very near future going to have to talk to her about female cycles. Little girls are starting their periods younger and younger and it is important to me that she hears correct information from home rather than from some other confused kid. All of this is part of the growing up.

So today after her nap she went to hug me and somehow my nose was level with her armpit and much to my horror I noticed an odor. Armpit smellies on my not-quite-seven-year-old daughter! Gasp! So I did some research and there are theories that sometimes it's what their eating (thanks Janet for the specific suggestions) or that this happens in overweight children (she isn't even close to being overweight lol). But mostly, the concensus is that this just happens sometimes. Doesn't seem to be an indicator of early puberty either. So I told her it was time to have nightly baths (we normally do every other night) and that she would need to start wearing deodorant. This, of course, she loves.

Then, to add to my sadness of how quickly she's growing, she decided to take her first ever alone shower. We just got the alone bathing down! But she did it and she was so proud.

I am so proud too. I want my children to grow up, really I do. I love the thought of watching them grow into independent beings and see who they turn out to be. Whoever that is, of course, I will have more pride in than imaginable. But this, this is the bittersweet part. Because as much as I want to watch them grow, nothing has ever hurt as bad as the letting go. And it starts when they're babies. We have to let go a centimeter at a time to let them walk, to let them make friends, to let them start school, to let them start visiting the friends they've made. Each little bit we let go is closer to independence and further from those days we could wrap them up and keep them protected from the big, wide world. For now, she's so small I fill her entire line of vision. I can conquer the world as far as she is concerned. And it's the now, that beautiful now, that I am going to relish in.

My idea of feminism...

I've read so many perceptions on feminism that are all about supposed female power. But this power is talked about to make women equal to, or sometimes better than, men. It is about equal rights, independence, and acceptance. The old adage of women can do anything men can do backwards and with heels on. Women think other women who choose to stay home and raise their children are weak because of these attitudes. We fought our way out of the home, out of the kitchen, why would we choose to be back there?

I don't see feminism in this way. To me, feminine power isn't about voting, equal pay, power positions, and business meetings. Feminism is about exactly that: the feminine. The possession of a womb. The power of giving life.

Women are the only ones who possess that ability. Men were afraid of that, the mystery of the womb they didn't understand. The place in our bodies that cultivates life. The empty space that gives way to a man's greatest pleasure: our cunts. They didn't understand these spaces. They didn't understand the processes that in our bodies miracously take place month in and out. This unknown, this fear, is what forced us into the home. This is why we had to fight our way out.

Long, long ago; long before our societies were formed; women were in power. We were revered. Our cunts were literally worshipped and we were the leaders. Women taught spiritual matters, which were interwoven with sexual matters. Girl power had a whole new meaning.

I love being a women. I am thankful for a Creator who chose to instill those abilities of the feminine with us. It is this version of feminism I wish more of us could accept. Rather than seek out acceptance in spite of not owning a penis, demand respect because of our cunts. Demand that soctiety and doctors and husbands and fathers revere us BECAUSE we can give life. Whether we choose to use that ability, or for whatever reason that ability is no longer ours, we are feminine. That feminism means the ability is ours, all of ours, innately. And the power that comes with it is inalienable. As long as we don't allow it to be alienated.

It's all about me...

So Happy Labor Day.

We spent the day with friends and our kiddos. I was sitting her thinking, just now, that I'm not entirely sure I even know what Labor Day is about. I mean, unlike my daughter, I knew it wasn't about Jesus. But, not exactly sure on the whole meaning. So I looked it up. Turns out I did know what it is about. Not that difficult to figure out actually.

Of course, to those of us with children "Labor Day" means something completely different. And ever since giving birth, especially naturally, I can't help but think of Labor Day that way. As if everyone should be celebrating me and the mighty power of my uterus. I'd like a special federal holiday declared for that if it's not too much trouble.

I think I will go eat cake now and celebrate my uterus. Anyone care to join me?

I think this line's mostly filler

There are moments in life upon which all other moments hinge. They forever change you, shape you, make you belong to them. These moments can be good, happy, sad, poignant, honest. They are the moments you reflect on when time comes for reflection. They alter your whole mood, give direction in life, and change everything all at once.

And then there are all the other moments. The filler moments. These are the ones we overlook all too often. It might be a day of sunshine, the smell of the grass just after it's mowed, the laughter of children, a simple conversation with a friend, or the smile of a stranger. We let these moments pass, swift and fleeting, while we are waiting for another life altering moment to come along. Sad to think of just how much we miss that way. Like the little lines in the middle of the highway flying beneath us in a blur as we drive to our next destination, the filler moments of life just tick tick tick by and we never even stop to notice.

I've had both kinds of moments in recent weeks. I've had the forever changing ones, sweet and easy to savor for what they have offered; and I've had the fillers. Of course, much more filler moments than the other, but that's what is so great about it. I've realized, if I can just stop and enjoy the filler, I'll be enjoying so much more of my life than if I'm just waiting on the next big moment.

Without filler, there'd only be empty space.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Oh how easily amused I am. My entire night has been sheer amusement.

It started plainly enough with a trip to Wal-Mart. I knew in the parking lot the trip would be interesting seeing as how I am in the middle of the female plague and was left without a tampon. Should be an easy fix since we were at the getting place, but I am cheap and refused to buy a whole box seeing as how I am fully stocked here at home. So I opted to try the machine in the girls' bathroom. No big. Unless they're out. AND it takes your quarter. My newest and perhaps coolest friend was with me and when she emerged from her stall she found me with my arm elbow deep up the tampon machine. So, she pops the lock and I happily get my quarter back.

Next, on our second trip of the evening to Wal-Mart, we were walking around and spotted the most gorgeous set of eyes I have seen possibly to date. So, of course we stalked him. Fast forward to picking out weiners, the edible kind perverts, and I noticed the most pleasant smell lingering around. I quickly realized the pleasing aroma was coming from the older gentleman standing in front of me. Of course, I HAD to tell him how great he smelled. To which he replied, "Uh, okay" and exited the area as quickly as possible. I had to fight the urge to randomly walk up behind him and sniff.

Then we went to get dinner. Fried Chicken. Dude came to the window to give us the food, for which I was ready to exchange my debit card. After his blank stare at my offer for monetary goods in payment for his edible goods he said there would be someone there to take our payment. So we sat. And we sat. Chicken and money in hand. Finally we drove off. Still with chicken and money.

Things accomplished today:
1. Break into tampon machine - check
2. Stalk random people around Wal-Mart - check
3. Gank some chicken - check

Good times. Good times.